Why has my heart grown so cold
Now that I have a hand to hold
Yearned to love when I was alone
But all I craved was the unknown
I finally know, and I no longer know
What it is I want, and what it is I don’t
The only thing I'm certain of
is I feel nothing
                    anymore.

I see passion in the way you ignore me,
your grave attempts to evade my gaze
But your eyes meet mine
and they can't look away

Would you rather experience true love and die young,
or would you rather live a good life and die old, never having loved?
I think, I would prefer the first
Because I cannot wait to be in love, and I cannot wait to die.
Yes! I cannot wait!
I cannot wait anymore!
With the threat of death close,
Life would mean so much more
If I had someone
to live for

I just want to
Taste your love kissing me
See your hands reach for me
Hear your soul sing for me
Feel your heart beat for me
I just need you to
Let me love you
Like I was always meant to
Or will you always be
Just a beautiful dream
For me to long for
But never reach?

The forest sings softly, songs of harmony
Trees weave branches, intertwined

Worry floats up as clouds, stress fades to dust
Arms lock and hearts weld, intertwined

Colors dissolve, blend, and climb
Vision flows in waves, intertwined

People laugh, dance, and cry
Souls combine, intertwined

We are nothing,
Everything intertwined

My fears have become amplified
They consume me.
Other people worry
about being watched,
about talking too much,
but my biggest fear is
my mere existence.
The idea that my senses
all allude me
I am just as likely to be standing
as I am sitting down
I am just as likely to be here
as I am elsewhere
I am just as likely to be awake
as I am asleep
Nothing that I see or feel
is real
Everything I type and read is
a fabrication
a delusion
an allusion
to it being a fantasy
Perhaps my life
has all been
just a dream

I try
To forget
Someone I never met.
But it hurts to let
g  o.

Look into my eyes.
Can you see it?
My loneliness
weeps
even when I cannot

he asked me,
"what is the point of living
if you deprive yourself
of loving?"
and I answered,
"I live for almost nothing.
loving you has turned me
into a fool.
I love,
       and I loathe,
                      you."

It's all here
Laid out for you
Just come and take
What's already yours

I want to watch
You wear my skin,
Devour my organs,
And bathe in my blood

I miss the feeling
Of forgetting my name
Of losing my breath
Of losing myself
Whenever you were around
But the truth is
I didn’t know you at all
I never fell for you
I only loved the way
You made me feel
And now I will never feel that way
again.

I don't understand how I've gone
From being unseen and invisible
To suddenly becoming beautiful
It's but a trick of the eye
A slip of the tongue
Mistake of the heart
That causes their gaze
to fall on me
It's just a misunderstanding, I say
For one day
They will realize
I am not the person
they think I am

I know that you will never love me
how I need you to
because your heart is simply
not able to
you will never comprehend
the ocean that flows
within my mind
or a love that transcends all confines
and surpasses linear time
a love universal and arcane,
not earthly and mundane

your idea of loving me
feels empty, bland and meek
you touch me,
press your lips against me,
a momentary release
it ends as soon as it begins

I'll pretend to understand
but my mind will be in the sky
yearning for what
you cannot provide

Look over your shoulder
And you’ll find me there, staring
Admiring your hidden perplexities
Your mysterious and alluring secrets
That draw me in with every glance

Blood starts to pour from my eyes
I cry that your perfect imperfection
Is unworthy of my sight
But I can’t help but notice
You staring back

Begging for mercy
Dreading the cost
An eternity spent
Confused,
Lost,
         Nailed to the cross.

The sound of buzzing
Plagued my ears
Till one day,
I swallowed the nest of wasps

Cataclysmic pain
is far more bearable
than monotony.

I feel every neuron bouncing in my head
Shooting electrical currents
back and forth.
back and forth.
back and forth.
One plane to the next
Moving my neck
side to side.
side to side.
side to side.
I lay supine
and think,
"I can't stop thinking"
My ears are ringing
My mouth is dry
my eyes are bleeding.

Seared my flesh with burns
All I wanted was closure
Too bad I'm in hell

Tainted by delusion
A meaningless existence
Enshrouded in confusion
and polluted innocence
My mind continues to elude me
As my thoughts sink deeper into
obscurity

The observer
Is surrounded by a sea of people
But is entirely alone
They look in your direction
But they can’t see your soul
And, though you can pretend
To be one of them,
You will always be elsewhere
Observing

But you are gifted
With a conscious mind
This world is yours
To explore and find
Beauty in the ugliest faces,
Meaning in the darkest places,
So unravel the smothering laces
Of your petty, cynical wit
For your mind’s potential
has no limit

my hunger will never be satisfied
for what I crave is not food
and feeling the emptiness satiates
more than eating ever could
when I starve,
my mind is occupied
and I forget that I'm alone
the pangs hit deep
and I smile
as they strike bone

she walks and talks like no one is watching
and you can always find her wandering,
singing and dancing with the flowers
swinging and swaying with the trees
it isn't until their eyes fall on her
that she realizes she's been perceived
she wonders if she ever wanted to be known
but she also knows,
she doesn't want to be alone

a touch so soft
even a petal
can feel its love

Memories of you
Are all I have left
Trying so hard to hold on
Trying not to forget

Whenever I try to reminisce,
The memories I so dearly miss,
Are nothing more than pain and tears
Ugly like the devil’s kiss

You are nothing but a phantasm
That turns beautiful memories
Into monstrosities

I thought I'd never be satisfied with
a love that doesn’t fill me with fear
one that makes me question
everything I thought was real
everything I thought I knew
you convinced me I was no one
without you.
I wanted to hate myself with the most
intimate, lustful passion
like you always did
I never believed that love can be attained
without pain

But I truly want to imagine
That such a man exists
Who doesn't rule the world (and me)
with his iron fists
With feelings genuine and pure,
who gives more than he takes
Lord, if you're out there
Give me one of the good ones
for ****'s sake

opening their petals
raising stamens to the sky
allowing leaves to dance
and pollen to fly
carried by wind,
floating past trees
to one day be cradled
by a neighboring blossom
or the cold soil beneath

Oh how I enjoy
Simply being in your presence
Embracing the quiet and
Letting imagination fill the void
I feel no need to speak
When you are beside me
So I let my lips seal
And my soul
open

Walk with me
And we’ll tell our stories
With breath alone

In this world
the only way to survive
is to pretend.

"I think you're beautiful"
Well, I think you're blind
Perhaps you're a conman
that enjoys spinning lies
So I'll take off my pants
and take you for a ride
Wish I could just blush,
say, "Thanks love, I try!"
But I yell, "*******, ****"
I know I'm not good enough
I'll never understand
why lovely words
hurt me so much.

I hear the rain falling outside
onto my window pane
there is something peaceful
in the sound that it makes
when it leaks through the roof
and burrows into my brain
it eases my thoughts
and drowns out the pain.

When will the day break and the sun shine
into my heart, and I'll realize
I deserve to love
you, and miss you, and touch you, and kiss you
in a world where you felt what I felt
perhaps such a world will never exist
perhaps I simply don't deserve it
how could I even allow myself to be vulnerable
in a way that is beautiful and not repulsive
No.
I can't even look at you
because I know you will eventually see
all the flaws that I do
the scars on my heart
the sadness in my eyes
the wretchedness of my face
you cannot think I'm beautiful
there just isn't a conceivable way
I could be perceived
in the same context
as beauty

As I walk through open fields
My hands graze the grain,
And feel the caress of rain
Comforting me,
whispering:

it’s alright, my dear
our time is overdue
the snow will soon
come
to blanket the world in frost
and when it does
my love
our lives will not be lost
we will always have the chance
to return
once again
so we welcome death
with open arms
and resume our
sacred dance
one day, you too
shall return to soil
and when you do
you’ll ground your roots
and return once more

Blood
Runs down my skin
As my lips curl into
A rapturous grin
I forgot I was alive
Until the blade dug in
And I watched pain unravel
Into sanguine satisfaction

I like when your eyes gaze into mine
And I watch you deconstruct my soul
To be pieced together in your mind

I like looking at your hands as they fidget
And imagine what they'd look like
Taking me apart, piece by piece

I like hearing you say my name
My being is given meaning
When it's conjured from your lips

there is no reason
to be so afraid
hold my hand
and we'll be ok

I am just as scared
as you are.

I want to cradle your soul
in my humble hands
and feel the weight of your heart
crushing mine
I want all you can give
and I will not settle for less

When I'm alone
I keep catching myself
Smiling
Imagining you
next to me

I touched the fragile snow,
watched it slowly melt,
and what I did not know
soon after, I felt
my fingers were no longer cold
but ignited in feverish flame
yet they refused to let go
and continue to hold
the scorching snow
just the same

Still searching for something to fill the void
The early silence trade for endless pain
And when my mind is screaming, filled with noise
If sanity is dead, am I insane?

Oh how I want to give my soul to thee
So I don’t have to hurt it anymore
The only thing I have to fear is me,
You tell me that I’m broken, are you sure?

With all the many lies to me you’ve fed
I see the truth that’s lingering afar
Hung on too long, to let you go I dread
I’ll leave this suffering, still plagued by scars

Embrace the pain. With it comes wisdom too.
Wake up, my dear. From death springs life anew.