When I was a small girl, I played in the dirt and looked
for worms and other small creatures to give my hands
something to do, something to look forward to
But even when something was found and for a moment
my mind was occupied, there was no reward
I continued to spend my life chasing after meaning
that would never rise up to meet me
looking for a sense of solace that would convince me there was
a reason life was worth living
I searched for the purpose that other children seemed to find so easily but I could not see a reason

I am 18 years old now
and I feel just as lost as when I was a child
I always questioned where my innocence had gone
but something tells me now it's been missing all along
every new emotion I feel
I have felt before
every new person I meet
I have met before
every new word I say
I have said before
if everything is the same,
then why long for more?

There is no more drive, no more passion, no need
so what reason could there be to keep on living?
Perhaps the tree's purpose is not in simply growing
but in spreading its roots and planting its seed
its not about you,
it was never meant to be