I never had a care for myself,
as long as I felt alive
and did survive
I never strived
to protect my shell of skin,
until she pried me from within.

For, although I still felt numb
I lay, for once, undone
before the one who prompted
love's bittersweet curse.
The one I could not reverse,
nor find a remedy,
to stop my pain to you
from me.

When I am cut
you bleed,
and when a burn
scorches my thick hide
and guilts my inside,
as I watch you suffer for my sin.
I hurt within,
as you writhe from a blow dealt by a kin.

There is no graze or scar
upon my body which she has not felt,
no beating I have dealt
upon myself
which has not gone to her
twicefold.
My heart burns cold
at the blow that she,
loveliest of creatures,
was dealt
me.

But, you see,
I've accepted that yin to my yang you must be.

there's not a day that goes by where I say
to myself
"you were beautiful"
you still are.
how the world would be blessed if
you caressed our hearts with your songs today.
you created love when you sang your songs.
The man who played his magical sitar
and his weeping guitar.

i fell again, the same wounds
they opened up.
took pieces of me away
took me away
took away my mask,
the happiness everyone was used to  
the smile faded

my body is a vessel that can't handle my emotions no longer
they spill out of me
my eyes- tears fall
my fingertips- i hold on too strong or not at all
my lips- chapped
my hugs- full of something.. longing
my emotions are showing in everything i do
i can't stop

i am exposed
i am raw to the bone

every feeling that touches me makes me fall
every comforting word makes me doubt
every hand to hold lets go

no one to turn to
no one understands
no ones comfort is enough anymore

even when i reach out
even when i try to get help
there's always something else
sorry i can't talk to you right now, i'm high as ****

the people i thought i could rely on, i can't
the people i love, don't get it
the people that have been there from the start- everybody's too consumed in their own lives
who am i to disturb them?

all i feel is pain
all i feel is the ghostly lips of the past on my forehead
..telling me to let go
all i feel is negativity

i'm too far gone
too far in
too late

sleep doesn't heal me anymore
drugs are no good

everything good that has been in my life
the good i've built for myself
has been spread upon the skin of others
has been left in the places i can no longer go
the places that hold my secrets
the places i left my feelings with

i'm emotionally raw
vulnerable
and i just want to be relieved

i've been strong
i'm tired of fighting

Here is my hand writing
straight from my writing hand
sometimes i am a man fighting
sometimes i am a fighting man

i will never stand under
so you must understand
it is not a hand hired
it is not a hired hand

here is my signed letter
here is my letter signed
just looking to find better
just looking for a better find

We spend almost our whole life
trying to figure everything out instead
of enjoying what we have. It's not until
you're on your deathbed that you finally
realize what your life was all about. But by
then it's too late. We don't realize how precious
life is anymore. We try to find a further meaning.
We seem to forget that your life is exactly that.
YOURS!!
No one else. What you do with your life is all up
to you. You can be guided. You can receive help.
But it all comes down to it being your choice.
You don't even have to read all this.
But if you do, I can only give you advice.
And my biggest advice that I've come to listen
to with my life is simple, especially when
things are getting out of hand and stress overwhelms me;
Stop whatever you're doing.
Take a step backwards,
take 5 deep breaths,
then look up at the sky
and close your eyes.
Think about where your life is at.
Think of friends
and everyone who has been with you in your journey so far.
You're never alone.
So I say again:
We spend almost our entire life
trying to figure out our lives when in reality,
you need to enjoy it.
Start enjoying your life.
You deserve it.