juno: Poems

113 · Jul 2019

t-shirts

juno Jul 2019

t-shirts

i can wear them now.

i dont need to hide my scars.

i just have bracelets.

but sometimes they move up too much

and you see them.

112 · Jul 2019

Sleep.

juno Jul 2019

Sleep.

2 minutes before midnight.
I can't seem to fall asleep.
Maybe it's the jet lag,
Maybe it's the stress.

Or maybe it's because I want to see her.

I'll see you soon Lizzie :)

112 · Sep 2019

9:12pm Paris France

juno Sep 2019

9:12pm Paris France

so i tried to **** myself.

i’m in the hospital now.

wish i kinda died.

i guess it’s not my time yet

112 · Feb 2020

these love poems

juno Feb 2020

these love poems

i don’t know if they’re true or not.

it’s judt$ making me feel better because everyone’s taken except for me

WHY WONT SOMEONE JUST LOVE ME JIST FUVKING-

111 · Sep 2023

desperately.

juno Sep 2023

desperately.

oh how i love you,
want you,
desire you.

what if
i **** it
all up
again?

only god knows
you are
already
starting to
hate me.

i get it.
i
hate
me
too.

111 · Aug 2019

-

juno Aug 2019

-

why cant i ever be there for them
why am i never there to stop them
she started cutting and i couldnt.. stop her..
my other friend started too
"i just wanted to fit in"
i had a long panic attack on my birthday
fake smiles
i just have to fake it n theyll believe me
"oh im fine"
"im just a bit tired"
"im fine"
it hurts
it hurts so much to know that theyre doing this to themselves
i ******* love them
i love them so much
but i can never... ever... save them..
i couldnt even stop them if i tried
im so stupid..
im such an idiot...
i cant do anything right..
i can never do anything right..
theyd all be happy if i were just.. gone
none of this would happen
none of it
its all because of me..
my fault..
everythings my fault..
i cant cut myself im 4 days clean already..!
my moms coming to visit...
school starts monday
my grandfather might have cancer again...
and- i cant do anything..
i cant help..
i cant take care of them
i cant do ****
im worthless.
why love me anyway?

110 · Nov 2020

i needed you

juno Nov 2020

i needed you

but,

i guess i dont anymore

i gave up

on you.

no one
gets what they
want.

sorry.

110 · Jul 2019

therapy.

juno Jul 2019

therapy.

would i rather have a girl than a boy as a therapist?
what’s the age preference?

i don’t know father.
i don’t know.
a female who’s rather young?
sure.

that’s fine.

the questions my father ask me when looking for a therapist

109 · Dec 2019

Gone.

juno Dec 2019

Gone.

I WANT TO BE GONE.

******* GONE.

FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER.

I didn't ask for this ****.

I don't want to be a walking mess.

******* hell I should've stayed at the ******* hospital.

109 · Nov 2020

eyes

juno Nov 2020

eyes

look at me with your pretty eyes,

i love looking into them,

your eyes say so much,

so many words

that arent said

look at me more :)

108 · May 2024

Untitled

juno May 2024

Untitled

my heart aches because inside i know i don’t love you the same because i am treated poorly

108 · Dec 2019

SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH

juno Dec 2019

SHUT THE **** UP *****

I HATE HEARING YOUR VOICE WHEN I LISTEN TO MY MUSIC

JUST SHUP UP

SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP

I HATE IT

I GET IT

YOU LIKE TO SING

BUT ******* SHUT THE **** UP FOR ONCE

I HATE HEARING YOUR VOICE WHENEVER I LISTEN TO MY MUSIC

ITS SUPPOSED TO BE CALMING

BUT YOU

YOURE MAKING IT SO ******* STRESSFUL NOW

im sorry/

anr

108 · Jun 2020

millie.

juno Jun 2020

millie.

i love you.

you make me feel so many things that i thought i lost

only today, did i realise how much i ******* love you.

i felt it.

i knew it was there,

i just didn't know i loved you so much.

i didn't know that id end up like this

****.

you're so far away,

i cant touch you.

i cant see you.

i cant kiss you

i cant hug you.

but at least i can talk to you

im so grateful for you

what can i say? your local ******* fell in love again. i should stop, sometimes i realise that i don't really even love the person.

just like her,

im set on her

#millie #love #relationship

107 · Jul 2019

Hangover.

juno Jul 2019

Hangover.

I remember visiting Lizzie a few hours ago.
I’ve woken from my slumber and I scanned the room.
I see Lizzie staring at the wall, with an annoyed look.

I groan from my hangover.

After greeting her and her cousins,
I couldn’t remember anything else.

After 5 shots of *****, the rest of the night was a blur.

Good morning, Sweden!

107 · Jul 2019

Untitled

juno Jul 2019

Untitled

i just wrote 5-6 suicide notes to people and im not done yet

107 · Dec 2020

“over quarantine you became an asshole”

juno Dec 2020

“over quarantine you became an *******”

maybe,

you should think of

smarter words,

father.

you
are
the
abusive
one.

107 · Jul 2019

7:12am, Sweden.

juno Jul 2019

7:12am, Sweden.

Good morning!
Lizzie’s staring at her phone, sitting in the corner.
I jumped on her!
She got mad and now I’m not allowed in her room.

106 · Dec 2020

galaxy

juno Dec 2020

galaxy

your eyes are like stars,

they shine so bright in the dark,

you light up the world,

the colors,

the aura,

are so

dead.

106 · Nov 2020

meeting you was the worst thing that happened to me.

juno Nov 2020

meeting you was the worst thing that happened to me.

destroyed friendships,
destroyed life,

nothing was okay.

but maybe that’s what you wanted.

maybe us doing this was all part of your stupid game.

a stupid trap.

that we all fell into.

i’ll never forgive you.

i’m happier without you.

105 · Aug 2019

Untitled

juno Aug 2019

Untitled

let me **** myself already

i’m not worth it

105 · Sep 2019

"smile at him in your math class"

juno Sep 2019

"smile at him in your math class"

"cause i'm just a silly girl in a stupid dumb old world
i'm just a silly girl in my stupid dumb old world
and he was perfect
he was supposed to be
i made him perfect
cause I wanted him to be"
-
SILLY GIRL, CHLOE MORIONDO

dont own anything in this poem, just snippets of the song silly girl by chloe moriondo.

105 · Apr 17

cope

juno Apr 17

cope

cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope cope

forget forget forget forget forget forget forg

how to cope with domestic violence

105 · Nov 2020

disappear

juno Nov 2020

disappear

please,
**** me.

i cant take it anymore.

giving
up
is
okay
sometimes

105 · May 2020

this is your fault.

juno May 2020

this is your fault.

why can’t you see that?

you’re shouting at me to the point where you break me,

i’m lying on the ground in tears with a booming headache.

you’re putting words into my mouth,

telling me that i’m not trying, rhat i don’t care about anything, that i don’t give a **** about you.

thanks for all those curse words, now i know what i’m worth.

worth nothing

i don’t care about anything because i’m gonna ******* **** myself soon

there’s no point in living so

i’m gonna **** myself.

wether that be today , next week or next month.

i’m gonna fuckinf do it

because to you and everyone else here

i don’t mean anything

i’m just a toxic ***** who manipulates everyone

i don’t try hard enough

i don’t care

i don’t give any ***** about everyone

105 · Jun 2019

Untitled

juno Jun 2019

Untitled

i’ve been slowly killing myself for two years and no one has stopped me.

n o
o n e

i slam my head against walls, doors, anything that’s hard hoping for my brain to collect too much pressure so i can D I E

104 · Aug 2019

mr. cart.

juno Aug 2019

mr. cart.

i remember you.

telling me that i need help.

telling me that i shouldnt be doing this.

you must really love your daughter, eh?

you,

a grown man.

hurting me,

a helpless 12 year old.

telling her to go get a therapist.

telling her to go to a mental hospital.

oh

mister

cart.

how i missed you so.

well,

sir,

if you havent heard,

she broke up with blake.

again.

for the tenth time.

and

i hope your opinion has changed about me.

im going to therapy.

after cutting myself.

i hope youre happy.

104 · Mar 2024

Untitled

juno Mar 2024

Untitled

i am unable to be loved
for i am damaged goods
too far gone to repair

103 · Dec 2020

jealousy turns into manipulation

juno Dec 2020

jealousy turns into manipulation

why is she messaging you

why is he messaging you

i want to trust you,

i trust you.

maybe i'm not the one.

that's alright.

i guess.

trust
and
communication

103 · Aug 2019

Untitled

juno Aug 2019

Untitled

i can’t breathe.
i’m crying
my hand hurts from punching the door

and it’s all my fault.

ITS NOT MY ******* FAULT THAT HES A *****

HE THINKS ITS OKAY TO HIT THE DOOR AFTER I SAID THAT IM GETTING READY.

I HAVE A LIFE, YKNOW?

I GET READY IN THE MORNING BECAUSE IM NOT LIKE YOU.

I DONT SIT IN FRONT OF THE ******* TV ALL DAY TO PLAY GAMES

I AM A FUNCTIONING HUMAN BEING WITH RIGHTS AND-

and i want to die because of you people.

103 · Jul 2019

8:15am, Moscow Russia

juno Jul 2019

8:15am, Moscow Russia

I've landed.
A few minutes ago, actually.
My other friend, Matt is here.

We're taking another trip together.

Hopefully, we can go to Australia soon!

103 · Jul 2019

matteo

juno Jul 2019

matteo

broski leave me alone

102 · Jul 2019

internet friends.

juno Jul 2019

internet friends.

no they’re not bad.
honestly
without them
i probably would be dead by now.
so please

don’t take them away from me

101 · Aug 2019

6:56am, Sydney Australia

juno Aug 2019

6:56am, Sydney Australia

that's it-

im going to france soon.

im not dealing with their ******* anymore

100 · May 2019

a.n.r

juno May 2019

a.n.r

why can't they leave you alone?
they have other friends so why do they have to take you from me?

i.. i love you.. but, they.. take you away..

"oh hey ----!"

i'm right here..

"sorry -----'s sitting with me"

we did this together though...

"----- and ---- want to sit with me"

what about me..?

"we're low key married because of ---- and -----. like hamilton, y'know?"

c'mon... we started that joke together 2 years ago.. before you met her..

"so me and ---- were texting last night til 3am! it was so funny!"

you.. you never... text me...

"so 'papa france' -~~~~~~~_"

you.. don't call.. me... my .. nickname you gave me.. anymore..

"so babe~!"

she's the only one who can call me that...------

"hey 3v4"

what happened to my nicknames you used to call me...?

sorry i took out the names, the random symbols are convo, and 3v4 is just eva

100 · Oct 2024

Untitled

juno Oct 2024

Untitled

okay haha okay so okay um okay sooo haha okay lol

100 · Dec 2019

YOU BROKE UP WITH ME SO STOP FEELING GUILTY

juno Dec 2019

YOU BROKE UP WITH ME SO STOP FEELING GUILTY

THE ***** MY FAULT

I WASNT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU

I ******* LOVE YOU

SO MUCH

AND YOU JUST ENDED IT TODAY

DID THE KISS MEAN ANYTHING

DID THE LATE NIGHT FACETIME CALLS MEAN ANYTHING

DID THE HUGS MEAN ANYTHING

DID THE I LOVE YOUS MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU??!

I GUESS NOT.

I GUESS ******* NOT.

THAT'S FINE

BUT IM OVER YOU NOW.

I STILL LOVE YOU

BUT IM OVER IT.

IM SALTY NOW.

I JUST WANTED TO KEEP YOU UNTIL VALENTINES DAY

WE HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN ON A ******* DATE YET

3 DAYS BEFORE OUR 3 MONTHS

OUR DAYS.

*******-

i love you.

im so sorry

sh

100 · Nov 2020

unhappy world

juno Nov 2020

unhappy world

why?

im
so
sorry
love.

100 · Jun 2019

Untitled

juno Jun 2019

Untitled

i’m a bit broken right now, not gonna lie.
i can’t sleep and- 6/24/2019 12:19am

i must’ve given up. thrown the phone across the room.

100 · Nov 2019

9:45pm

juno Nov 2019

9:45pm

Drinking again.

Getting hella wasted in my hotel room by myself.

100 · Nov 2024

Untitled

juno Nov 2024

Untitled

i think it will be okay if i die soon

99 · Aug 2019

killing myself.

juno Aug 2019

killing myself.

they say i’m slowly killing myself :)

99 · Jul 2019

Sweden

juno Jul 2019

Sweden

I’ve arrived.
I miss you Lizzie <3
See you tomorrow.
It’s a bit late. 9pm already.
I feel a bit jet lagged.
Hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow Lizzie

98 · Mar 2024

“dad”

juno Mar 2024

“dad”

every day i am so disappointed
in who
i call my father.

you scream and yell
and destroy the home around you

and then act like it never happened.

you scream and yell
and destroy me

and then act like it never happened.

you joke and joke about
never wanting me
and how i am nothing
worth nothing
not able to love

and then act like it never happened.

i am ashamed to call you my father
because you are not
my father.

you are merely some boy,
man child,
who i live with
and tolerate
because when you
are supposed to be my father
act like one
pretend

you destroy me.
and everything that builds me up.

daddy why don’t you love me?

98 · May 2024

father

juno May 2024

father

every day you remind me
how i can’t rely on you for anything

how much you hate me and wish
i never existed

how much i’ve ruined your life
since you made me

you are not my father

98 · Jul 2019

ciao adios, im done

juno Jul 2019

ciao adios, im done

haha

haha

haha

haha

liar.

you don't.

stop lying.

bye-bye.

im done.

98 · Jun 2019

jokes

juno Jun 2019

jokes

we had just watched a bullet pass though and **** a soldier.
my friend is saying “i can’t do this”
while laughing because she can’t handle it.
we joke around but it’s nothing.

it’s nothing

98 · Feb 2020

are we friends?

juno Feb 2020

are we friends?

at this point, i don’t know.

you’re so fed up with me.

i guess you’re just,,,

happier with her.

happiest with her.

i’m just in the background, with my arms open, ready to comfort you, if something goes wrong

i’m sorry

98 · Jul 2019

uninterested.

juno Jul 2019

uninterested.

im not interested.
sorry man.

97 · Jul 2019

Untitled

juno Jul 2019

Untitled

depression
anxiety
PTSD
stockholm syndrome
insomnia
anorexia
bulimia
paranoia
bipolar disorder
schizophrenia?

97 · Dec 2019

Sometimes..

juno Dec 2019

Sometimes..

I think about how you're doing.

I think about you in general,

I think about the possibilities.

Could I hang onto you like a koala because you're so **** tall?

What if I hugged you? Would my head reach your neck?

What if I slipped under your hoodie and hugged you?

Could I sit on your shoulders like a toddler?

I wanna hold your hand, could I hold your hand?

to: michael derose