A few years back,
I used to look like a hag,

Dark circles,
Plain cheeks,

Messy long hair,
No sleek,

Shaggy clothes,
All creased,

Now, penciled eyes,
Powdered face ( not literally ),

Short hair,
Neat ponytail ( I'm almost there ),

Branded clothes,
Gucci, Dior, Chanel and many more,

Red lips,
Ready to glaze,

Trendy clothes in my closet,
Still yearning for more,

Shoes of all kinds,
Heels, sneakers and boots,

How time passes,
Transforming into puberty.

standing alone
in the deep valley
i am carpeted by the dust
   of bygone days

memories float past me
   dissipating before my eyes
as my hands grasp vainly
   desperately trying to hold on
to just one small granule
   of an almost forgotten
past.

It's been a year
since I saw you
die

since I slept rest-
lessly, my forehead pressed
against your
hospital bed

Night after night
your struggling
breath and
the beep beep beep of
your monitors

It's been a year spent
licking my wounds
in hopes that they
would heal,
like people say that
time will do

It's been a year
since I saw you
die
and, my
love,

I still can't
live without
you.

He was the type of boy who said
He wanted to fix you
But three months later you'll find yourself crying
On a bathroom floor because
You forgot that you were made of glass
And it doesn't take much to shatter your bones.

And he'll swear that he loves you but
In four months you'll be outside of the ER
Begging for painkillers that'll make you forget
How to breathe because you no longer want to feel
What it's like to be at war.

And one day you'll learn how to drown in bottles of liquor
Because you don't want to remember who you are but
The way he tasted
Will always be burned into the back of your throat and
No amount of ***** can wash away
The reminder that you still keep the back door open
Incase he ever decided to come home.

I haven't thought
about you in
awhile
how soft
you looked
within your
bed, your
hands a
fading shade
of
blue

I don't want
to abandon
you,
the thought
of you,
the ghost of
you that sleeps
in my bed
at night
with me

there's a reason
I'm so stoic now,
so somber now,
my chin up while I'm
quiet now

There's nothing I can
think to say
since you lie
in a bed of
white and
next thing
I know
you were
ashes being
sprinkled on
Reno

I haven't thought
about you in
awhile, it's
fading shades
of blue