I hate my own company sometimes
My mind always running in marathons
And too still sometimes for the boredom to leave my bones
It is seeping into them
Executive dysfunction and dissociation are playing hopscotch in my brain
There is no winner here
Instead I lay in a standstill of movie- watching and trashed floors
Wondering when the energy will come back
Wondering when the motivation will return
Or if I ever had it in the first place
I've been friends with my mental so long it's hard to remember a life before them
Before they told me who I was and who I should be

my lungs fill with the ocean waves
my brain refuses to behave
the storm inside my rib cage forms
as my bones reveal the splintered shore
my tear ducts fill to clear the skies
as the loneliness leaves me deprived
and i reach out to anyone
but in the end they always run
or they're torn away from me
either way, no one believes
that i'm drowning on this lonely beach
you are there and i am here
i wonder if you're ever near
if so, why can't you see the signs?
or maybe i am just as blind
i write out "help" in the wistful sand
but i can never have the upper hand
so i become one with this agonizing wind
as my new life on this beach begins