when
  our hair
    came together
like a curtain
  the shakes
    overtook us
in withdrawal
  from our
    emotional apocalypse
was perfection
  in trainwreck
    romanticism
the relationship
  there suicide
    threatened
half-heartedly
  apologizing for
    a frightening sort
of psychological
  infidelity low slung
    in tropical
mood swings
  sank lovers in
    the inevitable
disasters and
  storms and
    homeless hearts
cling *******
  anything available
        bruising in rain
   decided alone
to be betrayed
  by your
    little hands
hovering over
  the table
    like omens
of confession
awaiting a
  mistake to make
    themselves
forget
  the doubt
    that
strangles them
  unwilling
    to know
the contradictory
  confusion
  that I
    always
have loved you
  and will
    still onward
despite your
  constant
    denial
binding me
  to the
    burden of
still loving
  everyone
    I’ve ever loved
even
  when
    I’ve been
wronged
  or
    when
I’ve
  ended up
    hated,
or
  maybe
    my memories
are lies
  and my
    unending
dream of
  forgetting
    is really
us
  being
    devoted
to
  each other
    in ghostlife
inseparable
  I have been
torn open
  with only alcohol
    for healing
      the wound made

        by my burdening love

a waking so timeless,
where we lose our fingernails
as we claw each other
and rain; the rain glittering
along it's fundament, glittering
along our... let's just say
that there is a universe of
silver linings in the eaves and a
scent of leaves in this silence,
this dust is ours only
we dig deep
into golden phrases,
while finding screaming skin
breaking slowly into air,
an electrocution
focused on our loves;
we dig deep
into pits of our
broken hearts
surprised
we are so apart somehow
there is an electricity
that pulls the dust back,
together.
the static,
the floor was a blanket
your smile, a fire escape
the static in the air
the wine glasses neglected,

we drank from the bottle

you asked me why I smoke
as frequent as I do
but what do you do
to satisfy
a longing
that could never
be expressed?
there are many things
I wish I could tell you
but
I inhale
my
every
intention
to speak

why do most want a
love that is detrimental?
a love that shatters
your teeth
as you try to speak
a love that inflicts
a stream of butterflies
or makes you appear
as if you've had
too much caffeine
by the way your
delicate
being
shakes

I have shaken
and clamped
my tongue this time
to stop the promises
from leaking out
I decline to drink coffee
so you don't believe
I'm quivering with words
unspoken

I decline to mention
that I dream of your face
in the future looking worn
from every obstacle
we have hurdled through
in our years
I decline to mention
every morning that
you're softly breathing sleep
I hold your face
and softly mumble
"mine"
I decline to mention
my excess of
"I love you's"
is caused by an
unshakable longing
to promise a forever.
but why?
why does it seem so
unattainable
why do I reject the thought of
a promise to you
for
something
so
precious?

I am tired of shaking
I am tired of a placebo
I'm tired of over used
empty apologies
I'm tired of reminiscing
remembering
" I will always love you"
"forever"
I am tired of my lovers thoughts
being elsewhere
I am tired
I am worn
my butterflies have turned
into the
ash
I flick
off
my
cigarettes

I used to write novels
for the people in my life  
I've loved until I saw how
empty
others were
while doing the same
I used to whisper "I love you"
and sweet meanings.
I have experienced
the truly empty
of this world
I have loved
the damaged
the angry
the sad
and
the broken

they spoke a hollow shell
of the same words
i purred with meaning
Suddenly
I lost
my appetite
for

forever

One day when the moon is high,
When all the stars are aligned in the sky,
When you don't have to worry or even try,
You will have the chance to come fly.
Till then, dream of me, smile and sigh.

I can't compete with the demons in your head,
Where fools rush in and angels fear to tread.
Thoughts of me don't reach the sacred heart of your bed.
It's like walking a tightrope on silk thread.
What are you scared of ..losing your mind...is that what you dread?
Now is the time to listen to your heart instead of the voices in your head.