As I sit in algebra
I can't help but remember
Last years' algebra class--
Our algebra class

Giggling as the teacher taught
In our own little world

Your head on my shoulder,
Or hand on my thigh;
Stroking my hair

I told myself it meant nothing
Pretending my heart didn't race

I told myself this is just how friends act
Ignoring my blushing cheeks

And even though it got messy
I loved every second of it

I want so desperately
To go back
To our
Stolen glances
Secret whispers
Sloppy doodles

Back to that little algebra class
Full of palpable tension

Back to that little algebra class
Teeming with hidden passion

Back to that little algebra class;
Back before you were
"A boy from my past"

Excuses--
Always;
To hold me at arms length.

Here I am;
Begging you;
Hopelessly;
Kept at arms length.

Tease me;
Play with my heart;
And alas;
I'm still at arms length.

I think I'm getting closer;
I feel your ice melting!

Blink

Where am I?

"Back at arms length."

Don't be a stranger
Please
Come back

I'm not ready
For it to all be memories

Turn the clock back
To May
When things were right
And fix the flames
Fueled by my plight

When the girls in my grade argue
They come for each others appearances
It’s a game of fat and flat thrown back and forth
“Your stomach hangs over your pants like a waterfall”
“I hate girls with mosquito bite *****”
And it makes me worry
What if I were to argue with one of them?
What would they say about me then?

The girls who fight are objectively beautiful
Tiny noses and full chests
Long eyelashes and smooth hair
I’m not like those girls
What if I were to fight?
The truth would come out

Everyone calls me beautiful
But I promise it isn’t true
Because those same people send me videos on weight gain
Encourage me to wear push up bras
Ask me if I don’t wear shorts because my legs are so skinny
Beg me to straighten my hair
Call me a “books over looks” kind of person

I hear them talk to each other
“Stunning”
“Beautiful”
“Gorgeous”
But when their subject walks away
Those words disappear
In fact they’ll often take a negative turn

One day
I’m going to get into a fight
And the truth will come pouring out
And it’ll sting
But I’ll feel no surprise
Because it happens to the beautiful girls in my grade
So it will certainly happen to me

Your poison
Was intoxicating;

I drank every drop.

Feeling the acid
Burn in my stomach.

I told myself love is pain;
True devotion leaves scars;

And that soon;
You would see it hurt--

And stop.

I showed a friend some poetry
"How do you get so much from so little"
She said

She has felt true pain like I will never understand
But she has never felt
The ache
Of love unreturned

Maybe it was "so little"
To someone on the outside

But to me it was the world

Voices fighting;
Fires blazing;
And the bridge connecting us...
Is burning

Ash flies,
The ground shakes,
And I stare as my path home
Fades to dust

Nobody hears my screams
As I point at them:
Our friends on the other side--
We have no way to reach them.

The girls
Parading with their angry torches
Stare in confusion

As if they haven't realized
It's gone.
Our bridge is gone.
We're stuck on one side,
And they're on the other.

We have no way home
And no way to build a new bridge

I miss my 6th grade year
With a burning in my heart

The *****
The O'Holy Book
Stranger Things
Wednesday

It takes me back to a better time

I see myself
With my dear friends

All of us together

Z-e, A-ri-na, Vi-ie-ne, and El-n-e

Before life got complicated