“I’m in love with you,” he says in a dream
“I won’t leave you again,” he whispers in a haze
“I’ve always cared,” he breathes in a fantasy
“This time it’s real,” he mumbles as I slowly slip away
And I’ll stare down at my pillow
And cry
Because I lost him once again

God I miss you; I miss every bit of you
But I have to let you go
Goodbye to the boy with soft fluffy hair and golden eyes
Goodbye to the boy I would’ve stayed up to any hour to be with
Goodbye to the boy who made me feel more than I ever have before
Goodbye to every piece of you that cared and every piece that ran from me

Goodbye to the boy with the angelic voice
Goodbye to the boy with the strategic mind
Goodbye to the boy who always knew how to hurt me
Goodbye to the boy whose smile made it better
Goodbye to the boy I cried for
Goodbye my love who never quite was “my” love
I’ll see you again one day

I want more than anything to be enough for someone
Not too much, as Robert says
Just enough
Enough for a text back
Enough for a smile
Enough to love
Enough to fill the hole in someone's heart
As I so desperately wish someone would do for me

Someone once told me I’m “too kind for this world”
Many would agree with this statement, for that’s the only side of me they’ve ever seen

One girl knows the truth, however
She knows I’m not kind at all
She knows that being around me is a risk

My anger could explode
Any second now
Like an alarm clock rapidly ticking
When will it ring?
She never knows

But when the clock finally chimes
She knows who will bear the force of it
She knows who will withstand my fury
It’s always her

She’s steady as I berate her
But I see the hurt on her face
Clear as day to me
Carefully masked with a snarky expression
She doesn’t want me to know it stings
But I do
And yet I continue

My poor little sister

Say it again, please
Let those words trail from your lips one more time
Tell me I’m beautiful
Tell me I’m smart
Tell me I’m worthy
I need you to
I need to hear them
Even if it’s just once more
Maybe that will be enough
Maybe then I’ll believe you

Two boys liked me
Neither chose me
And so I’ve been left here
Craving one and missing the other
Knowing that really I wasn’t a choice at all

Two boys cared for me
Neither committed to me
And so I cry at night
Longing them and grieving myself
Knowing that neither of them was ever my love

I want to feel love
I want to kiss in the rain and laugh as our clothes become soppy and heavy
I want to squeeze his hand before the drop of the rollercoaster
I want to stare into his eyes for hours
I want to sing silly little duets
I want to hold him while he sobs into my shoulder
I want to write him pages and pages of love letters
I want to be the poem instead of the poet
But will anybody want that from me?