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They were married in the 1986 summer light
June the 14th, hearts burning bright...
hands held close, vows soft and true
The kind of love that every one at some time in their life,
wishes they once knew

Off they flew to Bermuda skies..
A pipe dream colored in pink pastel sunset ocean tides...
and somewhere deep beneath that beauty of blue..
A storm was born
and my sister came through
born with a brain defect
maybe the wake of the boat had some strange effect
Too much moon in her blood
first daughter, lost in the water, lotus in the mud
And now I see it in the mirror’s face...
that same ache in me
and it's sinking
my belief.
and suddenly I'm an ocean floor
and I am swallowed by the melancholy
siren songs..
Mom and Dads bones lay there.
What ill have left is
Diana, a permanent forever piece of them
I am there, empty

my sister, oh
I love her like the sea loves the shore
Even when her waves pulled me apart..
she was always the echo inside my heart
We’re daughters of something fragile and blue
hurricane Andrew almost got us in August 1992
We carry moms sea queen crown and the salt stained heartache
dads sunken anchor, his burdened fate
still trying not to break

Now I wanna say, I know I **** it up...
I’m not always a good woman to you..
I hide like a mermaid in the waves
part of me just cant be true.

I am etched from a broken tide
where love goes missing...
where heartbreaking secrets can capsize
a daughter of the oceans cry
You offer safe harbors
but I only know shipwrecks
You give me your hands
and I bring you hexed sands ( and I see it falling through and I go away)
I never learned still, I only know flight
a gull in the dark...
a ghost in the night.

I’m a broken dove from a perfect sky...
Born of love too wild to survive...
Caught in the triangle they sailed over as they wined and dined
A song of a lying lullaby

She wore white and he stood strong, tall
I’ve seen the pictures and the writing on the wall
They looked like stars before the fall...
they danced til they crawled...
Their smiles sweet like island rain
But in their kiss I could see the strain
The beauty bloomed...then came the cost
Two girls
born of love… and loss.

I’m a broken bird from a perfect sky
Born of love too wild to survive
Caught in the triangle they carried home and left behind...
and im Floating through the ghost of their design
They gave me wings
filled my heart
with wilted babys breath

And I wonder if they ever knew
That paradise could splinter too
That from the brightest wedding flame
Could hurt
two girls who bear their name…
Like a curse, like a prayer
both the answer and the shame

I’m a broken dove, still trying to fly,
when I close my eyes, i'm suddenly surrounded by a Bermuda sky.
They loved like fire and they meant no harm
But I was born inside their storm
They gave me love, they gave me death
And crowned it all with baby’s breath

How can I ever believe that love could last
When I am born from pirates gold
turned
broken
sea glass
She was born in the ides of March
wrapped in aquamarine light...
a girl born with a heart way too much like her fathers,
a storm before
the calm of night...
but her mothers suppression
would halt
her internal Joan of arc fight
chains around her soul so tight
around a fire
too.
bright
but her sword was never lost
inside

Her voice was black velvet
soft but fierce, if you heard it you'd know it
a singer with a big heart
too big for this worlds desire to
take a pure thing
and tear it apart

her beauty was a curse
a target on her back, always against her.
she was weak and it was bold
they whispered poison behind her back
hatred sharp and cold
they didn't know
that there was liquor in her veins
and if there was a darkness in her stare,
a murders shadow lingered close
and it was a weight she couldn’t bear
They tried to break her
and she burned and bled..
a wild soul tangled up in their web
a lack of self love
only made her taste the dread
even more so.
and she couldn't
win the wars.

So many men claimed to love her
but then they just
threw her on stage like dirt
she had to bring her own roses
the curtain closed
before she had time to rehearse

Her voice was velvet
soft but fierce
a singer with a big heart
too big for this worlds desire
to take a good thing
and it tear it apart

a singer with a big heart
her heart is blue now like her birth stone
its crying its dying
its swimming in
the coldest sea
alone

aquamarine
aquamarine

a singer with a big heart
she is just human
never wanted her own beauty
every soul knows how to sing really
she ain't nothing
too worthy
She was like sea glass, tumbled from time

the kind who held onto dead yellow roses
like they still had life

the kind that would save broken things
to create mosaics....but she never had the chance
because when she was ready to,
they clipped her wings

The kind who could hear her very own heart
in the rhythm
of the sea
Grief is the much too detrimental storm
you learn to live beneath

She said love felt like a seashell
beautiful
but hollow if you listened too long

As a child,
she held up the big seashells to her ear
and really believed in her heart of hearts
it was the ocean
whispering just to her.

She’d close her eyes,
feel the tide inside her scoliosis pained ribs
she felt the ancient
the beauty of belief

She believed in sirens too
not the dangerous kind,
but the lonely ones
singing not to lure
but to be heard
See,
what she was believing in
was her.

And one day at 33,
she picked up a shell again
years older,
heart much more
damaged
Held it to her ear
she still hears the waters
but now its more of a bay.
its dying

Oh, how she knows
Sea Glass
is a dangerous thing to allow yourself to be
distance didnt extinguish the fire Ive had to carry
the miles between us took the wheel inside my soul
driving me into the ocean of our fragmented love, burning me slow
more broken than you'll ever know
than you'll ever know

a master guitarist, every strum precise
knowing my body’s secrets, the exact notes to entice
your fingers dancing like music pressing just right
bringing me to heights like stars in the night
the way we made love, it was more than skin
It was fire, it was my our prayer, it was everything

I know it cuts, the thought of me with someone new
but I was drowning what else could I do?
I needed touch, I needed breath
I was dancing with ghosts, flirting with death
It wasn't love, not like you
their hearts were empty, their eyes untrue
I felt like a rag doll passed around
searching for the pleasure I lost when you left town

and in case you pondered
to know you too, looked for comfort in others
makes me feel empty and haunted like an angry ghost
its excruciating for me too,  a wound that even time cant close
guess we lit ourselves like candles in the wind
b urned fast... burned wrong...lost in shameful sin
but no one ever held the flame like you
no one ever loved me like you used to do
you were the ease, the song in the wind

Something in California and New York lied
they said I'd be okay without you by my side
but the nights turned cold and time stood still
I still reached for you and I always will

I never found your touch again
it faded like smoke in the pouring rain
the best of my life, that’s who you were
now I’m scared of losing the way you
declared your love to me first (although..I felt it all along and you know it)
but I was stuck in a love less marriage and you hate me for saying so
but what was a woman to do, when she was hollow
you were a flame in a world gone dark
resurrected my body and soul, then it tore apart
I don’t know where we go from here…
but just know, I was shattered dear

Do you still feel me in your bones?
when you're lying awake and you're all alone
did we burn too bright, too fast, too soon?
am I just a ghost now beneath your west coast moon

I never found your touch again
It faded like smoke in the pouring rain
the best of my life, that’s who you were
now I’m scared of losing the way you declared love first (but I felt it all along)
you were a flame in a world gone wrong, gone dark
resurrected my soul and made me strong
then it tore apart
i don’t know where we go from here…
but just know, I was shattered, dear

from California fire to New York snow
I carried your love everywhere I'd go
and though we're lost, just so you know
you are bound to me
and still l wish for you
I’ve started sharing my poetry,
and I think I’ve concerned a few—
friends, family—
they didn’t see the blue, blue, blue
sadness
that sits quietly in my lingering,
spilling out in these poems.

It was never my goal,
but the sadness likes to speak,
wants to say what is true:
that the sadness still exists,
a deep, deep
blue, blue, blue.
It was always the words I said.
It was never the way I said them—

never the way I screamed,
never the way I whispered,
never the way I spoke with eloquence,
sweetness, kindness, or grace.

It was never the way I spoke with wisdom,
or the way I spoke with knowledge.
Never the way I spoke as a woman,
or the way I spoke as a friend.

It was never the way I spoke
with tears in my eyes,
or with a clenched fist.

It was always the words I said—
the words you didn’t want to hear,
the words you refused to hear,
the words you refused to listen to.

Words that would have made you care,
that would have forced you to act,
that would have demanded you
to sacrifice something.

It was never how I said them
that turned you away from me.

It was always the words themselves—
that you refused to believe.
Oh ye little child

Oh ye little child
What doth thy smile hide
Melting the mistakes thou made
Anger of thy parents fade

Oh ye little child
Thy smile world wide
Tis world with love made
Sadness of hearts fade

Oh ye little child
Thy smile by God's side
In thy innocence heaven made
Worldly divide doth fade

Oh ye little child
Ever a smile in thy side
In love thy world made
Worldly troubles to fade

Pavin
#ChildrensDay
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