I hope to god that I go first
Because I wouldn’t know what to do without you
Because the thought of being without you is genuinely too painful
And a lifetime with you simply wouldn’t be enough
So I hope I go first
Because I know you’d be strong for our girls
Because I know that you’d be okay without me until I could see you again
Because I know that you’re a stronger person than me
But then
I hope you’re not far behind
Because you’ve told me you don’t want to be alone
Because I know how much you secretly love affection
Because I know that when the beds empty you get confused as to why I’m not there stealing the quilt or snoring
But if you do go first
Know that
I’d be counting the days until I saw you again
I’d get a dog to keep your side of the bed warm and wake me up with snores
I’d re watch supernatural to fall asleep to re live our memories
And I’d make sure that I’d stay strong for these girls

I can’t write poetry anymore
And it’s not because I don’t want too
It’s because i can’t
I used to be able to write for hours
But what once fuelled me
Doesn’t anymore
See I used to write when my heart was breaking
Or when my soul felt heavy
But I haven’t felt that way in such a long time
Because I’m finally complete
I’m finally happy
After years of looking after everyone but myself
I now look after myself above anyone
But only with one exception
My dear sweet child
If only you knew
That the second I knew I had you
All my fears would leave
All my heartbreak healed
They say motherhood is hard
I say it can’t be
Loving you is easy
Watching you grow is magic
Learning about the world with you is inspiring
But in a whole different way
I can’t imagine who I’d be without you