I refuse to wade in a shallow pool of past regret while our shadows give chase to our silhouette. I never wish to forget how I have always pictured ourselves riding off into the sunset bullet in the pistol Russian roulette I will not let myself  get completely upset over something that hasn't even happened yet. Smoking the days last cigarette. To trails and tribulations myself  I subject perfectly imperfect versions of my former self I still protect on painful memories try as I might not to project. Collecting every single but if my self respect. Flawed I have a detectable defect. I can't seem to self reflect. Important moments intercept. I have tried to study this aspect in great depth. A loser with a lesson that should be taught notions that can't seem to be forgot.   Forgive me please I'm been thorough a lot space cadet to astronaut. I've been distraught. Over this entire onslaught. To me to **** up is to **** around and get caught. Lost deep in thought. Twisted and contorted inside of my head are the confusing feelings of dread like I am already walking  around like I am three parts dead. Red I have bled decency I feel I have not a shred this ****  disease of addiction is completely widespread awake I lay staring at the ceiling from my bed we've all been somehow misled he situations badly misread. With God's I have pled to help me turn all this dope back into Sudafed.Unchecked I've been unable to regulate all this anxiety I demonstrate. I try to help educate people about my tucked up mental state aggravate agitate abbreviate duck a bunch of hurry up just to wait I hardly ever hesitate to deactivate incriminate exacerbate inebriate tripping over issues that just don't relate isn't the throws of addiction just ******* great. My own problems I admit alone I create especially when it's harder to concentrate without going to to seemingly complicate life with the darkness I contemplate. Memories I desecrate. Alienate no hope of this pain to alleviate a **** up I am indeed to this very dare self medicate our myself half a as on sedate so these murders I will not premeditate. Self eradicate probably works better than trying to self exonerate
Characters they did assassinate.
A perfect imperfection that is being torn in More than one direction underneath my protection can't even recognize my own reflection. I will leave it to the storytellers discretion to pick out the matters more hard pressing issues that desperately need addressing investing infesting interesting depressing of all the emotions that need suppressing to be giving it all I am capable of possessing. Confessing the truth is congestion hard for digesting **** calling in just here texting its all quite perplexing.

Here I sit getting ****** taking every hit straight to the dome feeling alone right here in the house I sometimes wish was more of a home.we all go off and do things on our own lost inside the zone higher than a drone. Feelings I wish to numb still smoking until I am dumb never getting nothing done because I am always spun would I really die tired if from myself attempt to run. I think I am almost ******* done the amount of drugs I desire is none. I want things to go back to the way we're before this ever ******* begun.
I confess that I am indeed a mess I sometimes suppress the things in which I don't not wish to obsess under a lot of duress still there are issues I probably should address I love now as l used to hate with all I possess it's all a ******* process I'm in distress the truth I congest is hard to digest mess with the best might as well die like the rest
In my chest my heart beating sporadic because still I suffer as an addict thoughts turning erratic the facts ******* fantastic I for years was still so enthusiastic enchanted by the magic that turned into a fanatic head full of static all so tragic dramatic was so **** drastic completely automatic
My addiction isn't at all fiction it's in fact the friction that burns to the affliction chaos and catastrophe due for a collusion I long for a different vision under new conditions a brand new mission stand against those that try to beat me into submission praying for a new family tradition a life shaking transition no more stupid superstations we all have our suspicions My advice is when temptation entices us with our favored vices is power down all devices think about the unpaid prices the sacrifices the **** never suffices
Chasing smoke clouds and spirits though I don't know why constantly seeking that first high life based an a fantastic lie. Epically I did fail no matter how hard I did try. No iron clad alibi no tears fall from my eye I've lost the ability to even cry not many left on which I can rely on the emotions they amplify whiskey washing down the rye it perhaps a good day to die is it hello again or good bye

So far the pen mightier than a stainless steel sharpened blade I'm shaking but unafraid I may not make it out of this integrity intact unscathed instead of being good at it I'll settle just to behave soul I cannot save chilling on my own ******* grave fine line between being stupid and being brave. I can't lose it all with the all that I gave.

All the **** I spout I can't help it sometimes it just comes out.
The explicit lyrics lines and rhymes come from the recess of a disturbed mind. One no doubt demented  permanently. I mean all the time I am perverse just as I am twisted tangled my bare emotions were raw they've been ******* mangled my reach had been kind of angled short of ******* breath I feel like I've been strangled come on now why the ******* trying to judge me like you are one without baby without
any sin. You have no idea what kind of person I am within. One that's always been uncomfortable in her own skin. You don't know where I've been, the places I've visited to from time to time to  time again
This is where it did  all ******* begin To ******* paper I put this
Pen. Outpouring the very depths of my emotions  I am here just going through the motions white hot  flames from  my hell give way to an explosion.  I wish there was at  least one thing to break me wide open.  I promise it wasn't on impulse I didn't even try to think it through. Clearly  reading intent even in text  messages is something I've just become used to. I really dislike all the guys that end up walking around like they're brand new. If you give me a few minutes maybe I can  change your point of view. You seem to think I need help, well of course you do, you seem to think there's something special about you.  If you're expecting Mercy I haven't had a shred. For  awhile ive been walking around like Im already 3 parts dead off of this yellow brick road I began to wander towards the wild blue younder. Absence makes the heart that much fonder. Deep thoughts heavily I ponder.
You and I are not quite the same you are sane going crazy while I crazy going sane. We both have different ways of  processing pain right down to the kind of thoughts we entertain
We don't  even know the same kind  songs we have difference's in rights and wrongs.  We are just as different as day and night. You're as sober as a judge I'm higher than a kite.
We have different fears different things that bring us  joy. We even have  different techniques we tend to employ.  I would rather save you would rather destroy. There's no doubt a difference in the lives we've lived and probably in how we'll eventually die. We do not have to  see eye to eye  to be friends we don't have to the same. So if you want I am down if you're game

I accidently breathed life into the beast that has always seemed to reside deep down inside.
Where my patience is already short supplied.
My sorrow can't ever truly be denied.
Eyes filled with tears that I haven't yet cried.
Where am I going to next I cannot decide.
I may just go ahead and ride the pride,
breaking through to the  other fuclimg side so my cousin I can see.
Him and the rest of my deceased family.
I stand among the debris.
myself I am trying to run from me.
Tomorrow coming holds no gaurettee.
The  only thing that I could ever hope to be is just pain old me.
LOnging to be ******* free
This sinister darkness is ******* foreboding.
feel like I should be exploding.
I am already over loading,
******* hardcoding til I went off roading.
was smoking just floating.
To me this is ******* coping
that is until I start choking.
I am just hoping
the demons I am not provoking.
Surely I am not invoking.
I don't say that lightly for I am not joking.
Promoting their possession of my damaged soul
I travel on to the places even my angels fear to go
I have a feeling that I belong way down way down below.
I'll admit that loud is my rock and  roll I constantly rock this bowl.
so apparently I am no where near being in control.
Im so broken I cannot be whole.
I have been impossible to console.
Then while praying out loud I heard it echo.
Why is I am here in this hellhole.
Armed only with a couple  bullets and  Daddy's pistole.
So don't you be an *******.
Into **** near everything I pour heart and soul.
I jump down another rabbit hole trying to catch that troll.
The horizon is already all aglow.
Did you not ******* know that end up that much more corrupt, I am cold.
This is a demented and perverse Fairytale that has already been told.
Matter of fact it getting rather old.
No questions were asked and there were no lies sold.
Like laundry I know right when to fold.
My ride or die has already died as he rode.
Cracks in my moral code. Life on this dirt road.
You don't have to tell me I know that I am throwed.
I always I end up sitting alone in **** dark,
trying to create a ******* Spark.
So I can watch myself as I stab myself with Jagged pieces of your broken heart. I am waiting on this journey that on which I'll soon embark.
I think It was somone in the hierarch
that to no one else could make an off/ handed remark.
There wasn't one person he didn't appear to outsmart.
It was pretty much his trademark.
My granny is our matriarch.
A Monarc from the trailer park.
Laughing like a loon I have gone mad as in raving stark.
I will not miss my mark,
From generation to generation this knowledge the elders did impart.
Keeping us prayed up on our way back up right from the start.
Feelings serverd now alicart.
I thought I was in prime position to fall apart
Losing myself in the nefarious dark.
My path needs illiumanating someone please light up my dark steps
help me not to be stressed.
I don't need to be obcessed.
MY true self I have surpressed.
I *******  confess
I am nothing but a hot mess
These crazy thoughts infest  
as the truth's hard to digest.
Burning down in the protest
The matriech I was meant to protect.
Now it's save your own *** that 100% in effect.
Spirits from the past I attempt to ressurect
So with the ones I sincerely missed I can soon connect
I wish I could do it imn a manner that was more direct
I don't know it was I did ******* expect
I only brought them back with  much love and respect
Even though my secrets are being safely kept
Still in a few days I haven't yet slept
I am more than a little wrecked
Emotionally broken in every aspect
on my traumatic past I reflect
I am in fact the suspect
on a rather touchy ******* subject
I am feeling pretty **** inept
I think maybe I need God to intercept
Outside my mind I have stepped
This is something I can accept
Over this unbearable pain I have wept
These memories from the past I try to eject
off into space I blast like a space cadet
perfect I **** up, I am a **** up perfect
I am sure I am one that won't be easy to forget
At making things worse I am indeed quite deft
The weight of the world on my shoulders I try to heft
What to expect from someone who's went this far left
The pain in my brain has been etched
The situations far to complex
The sorrow a ******* side effect
Wading in the pool of past regret
looking back in retrospect
smoking the day's last cigarette
while my thoughts I try to recollect

Truth be known it will probably be from the cradle to the grave before it's all said and done. Either way I am telling you straight that I am not the ******* one. Issues I have a ******* ton. Yet I have just barely begun. I am not better than anyone and better than me there is none. My light won't shine any brighter if I was to ***** out your flame. To try and destroy others is not my game. I am not sane going crazy, I am only crazy when I go sane. The details now are getting more difficult for me to retain. I am broken beautifully and controlled by what's left of my left -sided brain. Who the **** am I too ******* complain.  My turmoil and tranquility mix just like my pleasure and my pain.
From my tragic skies I am falling freely
Or is it freely falling the nefarious shadows are calling
These spirits are stalling
From these drugs I am withdrawing
Once again that inevitable has been delayed. As the creatures I conjure, they betray. Night terrors rock me in the middle of the day leaving me speechless I have nothing left up to say
Instead of being good at it I'll  at least try to behave what I'm feeling is not to  be displayed.
Listening quietly to the wind serenade think I might have incited a a ******* riot. For the voices In my head have gone quiet.
Go  On I dare you to try it don't dare deny it. Someone's coming lie hid
Til the flames are ignited. **** I think that I'm getting excited I am **** near delighted  my wrongs now about to be righted expedited apart we are divided together we stand United
Let someone come in uninvited and **** will get a little one sided
Oh wait all of this is contained in my brain
In all reality I'm pushing through the pain it's enough to drive a sane person crazy and a crazy person sane. I don't have blue eyes so I am not a blue eyed ***** crying in the rain. I am explicit and profane. I talk to these spirits from a totally different plane it's hard to explain when the thoughts are just rattling around inside my brain
I am still here unscathed integrity intact  how did I do this that in fact chaos and calamity I attract I'm a **** magnet to be exact braced myself for the impact
A life changing transformation  
Once Beautifully broken now a recreation grand All done by God's hand.  All along he must have had it planned. Now I think I'm beginning to understand.
It's his will not mine, mine gets me into an escalating situation every time. To error is human to forgive devine. What was lost in me he did find
Today I stop to just breathe and pray
It's actually a much better way. I do finally believe that I'm going to be okay. I flickered like a flame going out but I wasn't blown away.

All night Ive Just been sitting
here as I blow smoke. I must be a **** comedian  because my life is a joke. My obvious intention is to get ****** up. I am getting closer to self destruct I am just as cold as I am corrupt.  I for a minute lost myself in a blur as I was starting to flicker and fade
Instead of my light dying on it  has stayed. Far from my saving Grace I've strayed. Leading the ghosts I got for the heroes I have decided to trade. Hand well ******* played. I remain unafraid I don't have to sit here and throw shade. This is probably my last escapade. My last ******* crusade. I am a ******* renegade
That can not be ******* saved.
From my intentions I won't be swayed
Once again that enievidable has been delayed.
As the creatures conjure me they betray.
Night terrors rock me in the middle of the day I'm speechless I have nothing left to say
Instead of being good at it I'll only try to behave
what I'm feeling is not to  be displayed.
Listening quietly to the wind serenade.
Thinking back on all the mistakes I have made
The pen mightier than a sharpened stainless steel blade.
Life is still just a ******* cherade. That we've all played. There's a fine line between stupidly and being brave. You can't be the hero if you end up being laid in your grave. To living and dying by the sword you've become a slave. Washed in a ******* tidal wave. I have freely given all I have gave. Now is the perfect time for me to just ******* fade to black
I don't plan on ever ******* come back. That's not brag that's just fact.
Sick of all the chaos that I attract. Even if I am rather in apt I know that there's no doubt I will soon. Adapt.  Here we go again I am starting to feel ******* trapped. Like against me all odds have been stacked. From all angles now I think I am  being attacked. I have to make it out unscathed integrity still intact.
I hear music playing in the background even when the radio isnt on. That probably means that inside my head that something is quite wrong. I just noticed it because I have been this way so **** long. Trying to force myself to belong. Blowing thick clouds as I smoke strong. It's impossible for me to truly move on because I am already ******* gone. I evaporated along with the smoke from the ****. Like the music I always hear in the background I'll play on .

When I was a lot younger I was just getting though a few things that were very traumatic. When I came across something I actually made me feel ******* fantastic. The changes that occured me were pretty much automatic. The changes were so rapid that my whole world was rearranged it was rather drastic.
At that time I could see how my life has become chaotic as well as problematic. I was seriously distracted. In those moments my entire life had been quite deeply impacted. I was still eager to use in fact I was enthusiastic. A lot of it was the situation had been crafted. Off into to space I often blasted. I couldn't see how from my happiness this had subtracted. Looking back I am ****** ashamed of how I sometimes acted. Seriously I'm still flabbergasted at how long this has lasted. Just maybe one day I'll actually get passed it. My thoughts turned erratic my heart beat was sporadic. At that time I could not see that it was ******* tragic. I was still enchanted by its ******* magic. I was handed a habit. I tried to stay lit as ****. The problem was I didn't understand it. Probably because I was the highest ******* on the planet O ended up turning in a. Fanatic that's when I began to panic. This was a completely different dynamic. Entirely psychosomatic I ended up pretty phlegmatic. Now I have just about had it. Not that I'm trying to melodramatic. I am just a ******* addict with a head full of ******* static.