A day in the bleak cold
Move forward with a pitch
Follow the music lift the foot
Dip back in the snow
Find a reason
Move forward with purpose,
Dip back to past delight.
Let the wind be your partner.
Holding you in a sway.
Fall forward and catch yourself
Lean back and right.
Winter movement upon the ice.
Finding no caution,
Only motion's delight.
Red cheeks and nose.
Bulky clothes.
Move forward to spring,
dip back to cold.

You  sit entrenched
Unwilling listener
I challenge every thought
No black and white
The world is total Grey
You shake your head and take a sip
Not your taste
You sit alone today.

Leaves being caught in the rain
Torn from the trees;
Falling on the road;
Steam rising on the wet bricks.
All in front of me.
A time when youth seemed
Like all I would know.
So much freedom,
Hungry life.
I would love to live it again.
Heart so full.
So sure of self.
To live such reckless beauty.
Toss my calm grace
For a moment of charmed energy.
Move over wealth of knowledge
for breathtaking unknown.
Fresh beginnings just a thought.

Placed carefully in the pie tin
as kitty looks on;
Rich, wet and dark;
Set carefully in the sun;
Ready to bake;
Seems a true masterpiece:
Rich with texture;
Best left moist;
So deceiving in its place.
How many mudge pies
Take the place of fudge?
Look around and count.
Is it mudge or fudge?
A try will tell.
What fools the eye
does not fool the gut.

Tripping with delight
in time to the music
of my heart.
Spent with the love
so bright and pure.
Moving with the thrill
of "yes, I am sure."
Not thinking of what
might be, but
how it feels.
Move in time with
reckless step.
Dance of life.
Dance of instinct
Without thought.

Always elected.
Washed 'til torn.
Had the line loved best.
Worn in rest, at play.
But now its dated,
It's too tight.
Tagline no longer fits.
Time to remove
and toss away.
Favorites are outgrown.
Replaced by new bests.
Time frays even favorites.

Rom and Rem rest together.
Knowing only love.
Loving the woman with no memory.
Softly kissing her folded hands.
Nudging her back to the present.
Nuzzling the neck of the lonely mother
Whose children have left for dreams.
My goldens watch with soft eyes.
Best friends and kindest souls.
Friends for the old black dog who no longer
knows his name.
Gentle dogs, but full of play for
My boy Sunshine when he walks through the door
as golden as them and just as full of play.

Walk away.
My eyes are dry,
but I feel the strain.
I want to stay.
I want to give one more chance.
So sure of change.
My heart leaks the grief.
Not as pretty as a broken heart.
Messy spill of feelings.
So many tries.
Takes more than me.
My eyes are dry.
My leaking heart
Will have to mend.

Miserable with snot
Eyes rolling with tears
With no emotion just water.
My nose is full as if I had
a good cry without cause.
My throat itches with abuse
of rough useless coughs.
Next week good health will
feel refreshing as I am freed
from this bitter fight with cold.
Don't stand near!
Oh, I know you wouldn't dare.
You are phobic of snot.
Me, too.
I oozes all the time.
I long for next week like a new love.

Glimpses in a dream-
so ordinary, I merely accept
that gentle smile long since gone.
So normal, a part of my day,
I forget to appreciate
what God has granted me
until I wake.
Then, I wish I had run to you.
Had hugged you.
Had told you how I missed you.
I want to dream again.

Like an envelope unopened.
A song unsung.
Not to be known.
Just a touch of sorrow.
A little bit of want.
Dropped from heaven.
Bursts of stars.
Sloppy kisses.
Tipsy turns.
Careful sips of life.

Days under the pull;
Moon tugging at my soul;
Pulling me further away;
Dazzling nothing;
Coolness in the heat of rush;
Deep solitude sweeps around;
With the lush quiet of calm.

He stands beside me.
His sensitive heart catches my despair
And tosses it gently from me.
His easy grip holds me firm with hope.
He knows my dreams for him.
I want him to be free of care.
I don't want him to cry for me.
He is too young to be caught
with me.
I will find peace within
So my son can fully shine
Without a care for me.

All the expectations
All the preparations
Each year that comes
It could have been
Happy daydreams
Reality, I cope
I still long for you
Knowing you as no other
I bring you flowers
My sweet Cate
Three were born.
Two remain.

Just a few years,
Not nearly enough.
But it was my life.
The time to which I
always go.
The time of which
I dream.
How could it be my world?
So limited, so full.
Just a bit of time.
My purpose.

Wake up light.
No real reason.
A leisurely stretch.
Rolling into a full day
with energy and wit.
Sun just right.
Nothing wrong.
Just right.
Tummy - a little flat.
Well almost flat.
Think good thoughts.
Say good prayers.
Move with care and
Thanks for such a day.

Grown up cedar in cone shape
Sits beside the barb wire fence.
A gift from birds and God.
Not being put to use.
Just awaiting our old truck.
“Holler, if you see someone.”
Chopped with quick aim.
Pushed in back.
Tree for Christmas just for me!

Just a feeling to never share
Known by none
Deepest secret in the snare
As a child was once a thought
Uncertain of the truth

Just a feeling to never share
Devastate so many
Uncertain left unmentioned
In the night help unsought
Uncertain of the meaning

Just a feeling to never share
Keep it close in your heart
Tamp it down and
Never rise.
Uncertain of the truth.

Jumping forward.
Leaving troubles
In search of gain.
Walking from pain
To  the triumphs.
Life offers both
Like the cycle of the moon.
Pulling the tides of my mood.
I just have to wait for the fullness
of the next.

Lean forward to better see the view;
Trees speeding past on the bright blue day.
This trip is for duty;
Next trip for fun.
Holding the package on my lap.
I raise it and look at the tab.
Obsessive, compulsive- yes,  
the correct one.
I swallow the lump
as it raises in my throat.
This for work;
Next for fun.
I look forward.
Raise my chin.
Confidence.
This is for duty;
next is for fun.
A matter of hours.
No work undone.
Almost there.
This has yet begun
but seems almost done.

To sleep late;
To walk outside
and feel the warm sun;
Splash in the cool ocean;
Not worry about others.
To exist with sunburn.
Read my book as I please.
Knowing it will flee
with giggling speed
as child running past.
This week almost more
for thought of what will be.

Open and broad at night.
Cool air blowing through.
Lights from outside lick at the night air.
Hungry with concentration,
eyes stare open at the shadowed
ceiling searching for answers
which escaped the day.
Life is sifted through the head
resting on the pillow
turning over in anxious
cartwheels of what should have been.
Sleep and answers are lost
to the wild troubled heart.
Night's darkness does not ease
the ache of worries.

Know more.
Express less.
Always circling Nil Hill.
Sharing too freely with friends
To the point of no credit.
No mutual respect.
The answer so freely given.
Nil Hill is the center.
Friends roam past without spying nil hill.
Unkindly most people see only
Their contribution
Whether stolen or gifted.
Nil Hill barren and dark.

Don't recall that stumble.
I remember boldly standing.
Did I stammer?
I thought I was fluent with the cause.
Did I hide behind a lie?
I thought I signed up for the chore.
How is my recollection so flawed?
Let me not back down.
I'll check my notes and get back.

Wiggle in the nest
Causing it to tighten;
Fearing that no one else
Will ever understand
my purpose;
No one else will need
what I have to offer;
Regularly assured of this;
Leaves tremble and brown
with dying autumn;
New plans need be found;
Time to find new purpose.
Time for me to find
what I am.

All written and told.
No place to remember.
Just a sensation felt within.
Not knowing exactly what it is.
A need to correct and make right.
Not knowing what is wrong.
Just a feeling with no meaning.

I followed the *****
Down to the cost
Never had thought
About the result
Until I reached the bottom
Once there I felt the regret
I wanted to go back
Wanted others to understand
All just a mistake, a bad call
No rope out  my deep fall
The ***** was deep and slick
The recovery unavailable
I caused hell for others
And was stuck there too
No redemption
No way out
My mother grieved
My father swore
No more home
Nope, done

Sweeping the steps
Dealing with death
Making it a normal day
Thinking it won't be
Thinking of the hurt
Sweeping the steps
Deep in memories
Make it go away
Let me have her back
Make it a normal day

Not a friend, not a BFF, just a mom
Forgotten role,
A role unclaimed.
Don't stash your ***.
No *** in the hall.
I'm thirteen, you, the mom.
Be my example
Act like you care.
Don't hit me in the face.
Don't compete with me
I am just a kid
I hit you because you hit me.
Let me go to grandma's house.
You don't care.

Everything is often equal parts.
Part good, part bad.
Part full, part empty.
Never a whole.
Not all bad.
The memory left
is the true taste.

Chances are forgiven.
Moments are spent.
Just another time to idle.
Just another time to lie.
My heart so wants to believe.
I stumble a little with knowledge.
Knowing how it truly is,
Listening to how I want it to be.
Memory of the sudden love
spent on lazy afternoons.
Lost in lonely times not knowing
where you are.
Just not the strength to answer
with the truth of things .
Searching for another way
For us to be another day.
Sappy weak with chances.

Made my world ring
With love;
Showed me the worth;
So miss your smile.

Mischief lights within
Nothing known can be undone
Find me where I should not be
I invite you in my web
Put aside plan made
You will learn my way of play
I will show you astray
Follow me, my way
Learn I have no fear or mercy
Nothing known can be undone

Today is empty.
Nothing in my heart.
No brew of emotion.
Love seems lost.
Waiting for a toss
of sweet gentle feeling
in my path.
So even.
Next week will bring a wave.
But nothing now.
Might as well sleep
as write.

Don't know the time.
Tremble with the line.
Fate is a freight.
No makeup to be had.
Leave me out.
No responsibility.
Don't hold out your hand.
Will not follow.
Hide in darkness.
Never know the answer.
Reason flees me.
Need no assistance.
Coping by myself.

What are you seeking?
Don't you miss the same?
Fragrant soaps and careful looks.
Favorite songs and winding roads.
Memories of the singing birds.
Crisp white linens with lavender.
Cloudy, rainy days with gentle hugs.
Just a time, just a loss.
So simple.
Not so important.
Just a thought.

Sharing with all.
Spill it.
Was it exhibition?
Just a lie?
Stripping the soul
Until none left.
One big story worn bare.
Just a party with none to spare.
Everyday lie spread far and wide.
Misplaced reckless thought.
Make believe gone wrong.

He said "Tried It."
Not for him.
She pulled his arm and cooed.
Young and beautiful.
He pushed her back.
"Not the one." She smiled.
"Never the one."
Tiptoe past it.
Run right through it.
Never again.
Not suppose to marry.
Forever divorced.
Forever stung.
Until the one who ropes him in.
The trophy which must be won.
Not the woman lacking.
Just the feeling.

Longing without intimacy.
Most giving with selfish purpose.
Mechanical, practiced sharing.
Unknown thoughts hidden
in pleasant phrases that please the ear.
The surface look of caring.
To never touch the soul who knows only self.
Who explains love as an open feeling.
Why love one when consumed with many.
The bee in the garden.
Not too close to see the stains of  conceit.

Just a step away;
Not quite there, but nearly;
It almost reaches pitch;
So nearly close;
Awfully so;
Carefully pushed.
Not exactly.
Ahh, there you go.
Just so.
Friday.

Snagged her from my grasp;
Little bit under the weather;
Thought you were helping;
Never understood it was a plot;
Just taking a little break;
Left the dog treats on the bed
just so you would know I needed you.
Never thought you would use it against me.
Need you to help me long.
Why'd you give it up.
Baby, not yours.
Ha, you know.
Just needed a place to stay.
Don't punish me with that.
Not yours, she is only mine.
Gave her all I have.

Now I take thee
As my bride, by my side,
As my family;
Now I take thee
for my own;
For me to cherish;
For me to have;
Now I take thee
this autumn day,
my beautiful bride;
full of pride,
full of hope.
My Mary, my wife.
Now I take thee
as my own.
Love me,
As I love you.

Can't feel right now;
Pushed it alone;  
Using myself as
a backstop;
Now I am stuck;
The weight is on my back;
I can't shift;
Answer sought;
You said that I knew
your desire;
Now I squat
down under;
Numb without plan;
You were never
Brave enough to say;
Just tossed it all on me.
Take it back.
I am done.
Your burden, not mine.

Patience, wait outside the door,
Gentle look as approach,
Cautious step as walk by side,
Nudges to feel the pulse on wrist.
Gentle licks for temperature.
Knowing something not quite right.
Awaiting the need with careful thought.
Something born to and not taught.
Some creatures just know the task,
The want to cure,
Know the careful wait,
Nurse dog deep inside.

It's on me.
Never saying no.
Guilty for feeling
The weight of the crises.
Accepting that they don't.
Too heavy for them.
Too constraining for them.
They take a little.
Also knowing that
It depends on me.
Head up,
The strength is there.
It's on me
To know my limit.

Bright orange
partially shaded by blue
Almost hidden by the shade
Hanging in the dark sky
All the mystery and promise
of something great.
Just a time to rest.
But the linger, the pause.
A wish of more.

Just outside the window
Sitting on a limb.
Legs dangling.
So many possibilities.
To shimmy to the bottom
Or cross to the window.
Possibilities inside
More interesting than out.
Surrounded by fresh green.
The bark imprinting my hands.
The full moon staring down
With curiosity about the next move.
To shimmy to the bottom
And walk without the dare.
To go inside and greet the fate.
Breezy night brushing
Leaves against my arms and face.
Not so bold so I go.
The moon gently laughing,
Guiding me home.
Chance will come again.
Just not now.

Separate and apart outside.
Under the glow of part a moon;
He held me tighter;
With part a smile.
Maybe, please without a tease.
‘I love you’
With  night so fresh
with so much youth.
Nature stirs with part a thought.
Outside with part a heart.

Upon a knee,
With open heart,
Promise to never part;
Yet there is a part;
A silent hurt;
A shame to hide;
A thought to fear;
So it goes;
Never known;
The doubt that pinches;
An oval cut.
Choked with love;
Left unsaid.
Blind happy eyes.
Warm embrace.
Silence best
For unkind past.

Not to my face.
Shared by no-name.
Write your wrong.
The heart bleeds in beat.
Push forth untrue words.
Spilt poison on paper.
Hoping you feel the paper cuts.