3:00
Just a time
Peace and quiet
Gentle thought
Forgiveness

3:00
Alone with self
No, not alone
Peace and Quiet
Forgiveness

3:00
Atonement
Silent thought
Peace and Quiet
Forgiveness

Breaking from the day;
Taking a moment of joy;
Doing as pleases;
Just a tease of what might be;
But will never be;
A mere daydream.
A whim for later thought.
Maybe later regret.
Just an afternoon.

I stand beside you.
Make the best case
For the circumstances.
But you make the circumstances.
It's all you.
I go home and rest upon my pillow;
You go where they send you.
When I rest upon my pillow.
I worry for the life you caste aside.
You pay so much for so little.
Why can't you follow as I say?
Let the demon go.
People love you.
Don't be as you are.
Release from it.
All you.

Expected, but not now.
Ceremony done.
Trying to make myself
Comfortable and
Trying to ease myself
Into Alone.
In my dreams, we visit.
It is so easy to talk.
Heaven as close as a nap.
Feeling your touch
As I sleep.
Your hand on my back.
Alone as I wake.
I wish I had not rushed
to leave your side.

At the early part of life, I left the path
I walked my own path
But I make amends
I mend my path
I walk my fate
I am satisfied with my amends

Child wraps arms
around herself.
Gently poking bony parts.
Momma says "Angel Wings."
Tightly hidden by earthly self.
Waiting with expectation.
Stretching to burst
forth with purpose.
"Come out!"
Momma strokes the angel wings.
"Not soon, live your life.
The wings won't come 'til
you are done. So much life
for those wings to grow.
Keep those wings  deep inside."

My Christmas decoration
To adorn my hall;
While the tree lights the den;
The cookies lay upon the plate;
The ribbons scatter on the floor;
Lights glitter about inside and out.
Children run and chatter
about the Christmas cheer.
Angel wings and halo firmly rest
upon the blessed.
The message sent.

The bones of angel wings
resting tightly inside the tiny body
stroked by the mother's loving hand.
The bones of angel wings
while a young woman
grasped with greedy lust
by first love.
The bones of angel wings
weary with work
and achievement.
The bones of angel wings
again stroked by loving hand
to free to other existence.
Folded tight inside;
Awaiting the time to burst forth;
Covered with the will to live;
Fighting with purpose
To hide amongst the living.
The angel wings freed to flight
from earth.

One week the best
Next week the test
Never know my place
No sense -
Just a feeling.
My love drains
With your shift.
You think it
Is another.
So in truth
Maybe so
Can’t take
The other side of you.

Just a splatter on the page;
Not even of this age;
But a note resting on the table;
A reminder of that time;
Something bigger
Yet not recognized at the time.
What a huge part that little splatter.

Thought I was old enough
To have fought for a place
in my profession,
but I wasn't.

I merely held a place
that other generations
had gained.

Said you like my hair color,
was it mine,
but it wasn't.

My colorist is just
really good and
I go often.

Its all just an illusion.
Made up of thoughts.
A careful smile,
A gentle, undeserving
Acceptance of credit
But I appreciate you.

Step away from the pain.
Moment of hurt.
Mind release to better times.
Thinking of purple and blue
Then, of black
Aside from myself.
Away from bitter.
Away from struggle.
Letting go of the moment
To then return once done.
I am myself, just removed.
Preservation granted.
Sanity secure.

Rainy afternoon.
Umbrellas and puddles,
Wet dogs shaking.
Truth of time.
Saw you inside
Crowded metal diner.
Ducked inside
Busy cook filling orders
You poured over
coffee and text book.
With wet hair.
I sunk beneath the depth
of infatuation.
Recovered myself pushing
By the tip of my closed umbrella
to your side.
Dry toast on a wet day.
No notice, no play.
"Just the check please."
Better weather tomorrow.
Today just a glance.
Two wet shoulders with little notice.

Piled with trash of discontent;
Pushed aside with tired hand;
Grief uncovered;
Airing out all fears;
Allowing the blue in;
Wipe away debris of dark;
Opened eyes to light of forward.
Full of all concerns
Which have ever feared;
But underneath the weight crushes;
Atop you can gauge your foe.
Atop you may climb ahead.
Atop you may see a path.
Push aside the trash of discontent.

I am not that bad.
I played a game.
You played one, too.
I felt the shame.
Alone in that.
Me, held to blame.

You said you had
So much to lose.
It came a time
for you to choose.
I moved back
my heart to bruise.

I am not that bad
I let you go.
It was so deep
and yet not so.
You were the cheat.
I saw you go.

Red clay with deep veins.
Grassy patches draped above
leaning towards the flowing wet;
Ground falling in crumbling chunks;
Until smoothly running in the heavy rains.
Caught in the rocks at the bottom
as it pools with mixing water.
Land that's been part of one story
becoming part of another.
Lost dreams rushing to another bank.

The joy in the bite;
Fighting out of corners;
Looking for the gentle hand to guide;
Where is the former self;
Lost in nothing;
Eating and sleeping are refuge.
Dreams make sense of a world
That no longer matters.
When will the departure happen.
Slowly drifting from most basic
To a lost world that has no cure.

So often I repeat for emphasis
Maybe because I forgot I said it.
Can you endure the redundancy?
What bears repeating to me
May be mundane to you
It is a matter of judgment
and circumspect.
I will try to leave repeating to bears.

Hold it in your heart.
Close to those you love.
Have your pride.
Let it well inside.
Makes you strong.
Belief makes the difference.
Bravery wins allies.
Daunts your enemies.
Confuses the nonbelievers.
Please hold your ground.

A space with no relief;
Not there yet;
Not a time to anticipate;
Nothing has the strength to move;
A grey between the floor and ground;
Where shadows hide;
No feeling comes;
How to budge to the glow;
No feeling left except low.
How to feel the life loved.
Just crawling round the grey.

Stagger me aside.
Take me from my stride.
Lift me from my pride.
Bewilder my heart.
Nothing from the start.
A secret slow apart.
Dimmed to know
Eyes glow
Head held low.
Bewilder me with thought.
Mighty tides dance.
Pulling deeper still.
Overhead and lost.
Bewildered by the grip.

Having grown to cover.
Cracks healed;
Turtle shell still
encompasses treasures
of the heart.
As thoughts grow,
so the shell grows.
Thus far, the damage
is not fatal.
Just trying.
My ribbed shell
still holds the secrets.

Those evenings with gentle breezes.
Walking down the road.
Loving the freedom of the night.
Under the big harvest moon,
Not scared of the spooky notions
hiding in the shadows.
No **** clowns out this lit night.
Stars are singing to moon
with twinkling songs.
Spread out the blanket beneath
the moon and stars.
Tomorrow's worries are tossed
in the leaves which gently scatter.
Tonight is the big moon night.

Born to it
Not what you are
Who you are
Never as good as born to it
Not merely a longing
To never know the start
To only know success
A name which was given
Because another shone
Not something to grieve
Find your own place
Start with you
Make yours born to it
And theirs born to it
*** the path
Work for it
Earn it
Pass it on
Have yours born to it
No envy burns
Waste of precious time
Make it your gift to yours

If we live long enough,
Our past turns dry.
The past of minutes flees.
The memories of childhood
Linger a bit longer.
Funny to remember the first
Better than the last.
We are blind to our past
As it grows increasingly dim.

My life is for your convenience.
I pour your coffee
and wash your back.
Forgotten that I have a path.
When one time, it was your goal.
Now you soak me
With the simplicity
of your unimportant.
We drift in the Hell
of nonconsequential.
Chatting the same topics.
However, I can't stop,
because if I do
you will be gone from me.
This is what we have.
Trapped between what was
and just being.

Just a delay;
Awaiting a stop;
Careful coasting
To life’s edge.
Brief lapse
From tumbling truth.

If only I knew,
What to stew.
I'd fill my ***
With a lot.
And let you sip
Until you slip
And let me be
Your only she.
I am no such witch,
I am just a itch.
A chore,
Never one to adore.
No such brew,
Nothing new.
Just  me.
Never we.

Wake up with songs.
Feel rested from the night.
Time for blessings.
Not alone in my search.
Each day offers habit
executed with purpose.
Some days the purpose
is rewarded.
Granted those bright days.
A holiday, even though mundane.
Bright days are prayers answered.
Scattered in the storm of chaos.
Things go right with little or no push.

Look over;
Don't peer there;
Find your courage;
Wrap your shoulders
with your sweater;
Move through the crowd;
Own the walk;
Stand up straight;
Pretend its good when its not;
Give them the bright side.
Own your space.
Don't let it in.
Wear a smile.
Confidence a plenty.
Head up high.
Just beyond.

Want more
Promise to heal
Stop the demon
Shake it off the shoulder
Sink the depths of loss
Heart is full of hope
Knowing all will leave
But tears in eyes
No turning from my wicked friend
Who stays alone with me
Claiming me as his own
Til death do we part
He brings me destruction.
No freedom for me
Test I will never pass
Can't brush it off.
Cease to care.

I can't take another step
To tote your pain and mine.
You say that
You don't want to be here
Nor do I.
No future for you.
I can't take another step.
I can't carry your burden and mine.
You don't really want to go.
I don't know how to help.
I love you.
It is my turn.
I will take another step.

Cast
Onerous
Pity
Into
Neglected
Garbage

It pours over my head
Landing on my shoulders
Because you think I am strong.
My knees buckle with the weight
of your anger and words.
Take them back.
My load can't stand them.
You were my salvation.
My blessing, my cooling fountain
Now merely a volcano of emotion.
So sorry it ended this way.
Go home.

It swoops about me;
I catch what should
be caught
Dropping a few:
I push away
What can wait.
I reach with eager hands
Life’s great blessings.
To live the mix of
Good and bad.

Side step, swoop under;
Avoid the troubled heart of things;
Cautious thoughts held inside;
Not a maneuver, not a plan;
Trembling, lying smile
Playing at awkward lips.
Searching eyes and busy hands;
Trying to hide the known.
How do you not look suspicious
When caught solid.

Sandy met him at twelve.
Fell in love.
**** that's young,
I thought.
Then, found she
died at thirty.
Love at twelve,
'cause she had to have
time to love.

Heard dad was dying.
Looked at my cousin
with such envy.
Both of his loving parents
standing there to be with us.
Felt such a feeling of loss,
he wouldn't yet know.
Yet, my aunt died
quickly 'cause the silent
death ceased her as
my dad continued to die.
'cause that was fate.

My sonshine found trouble
'cause he looked in a dark place.
I told my friend she would never
know my grief.
One year later, her son found
a darker place,
'cause love can never save.

I regret my envy and
misunderstanding.  
I judged
'cause I never knew the purpose
of God, the paths he gave.
I need to stop the ponder that
only makes it hurt.

Sometimes life just smooths past.
All is set on the perfect course.
Nothing falls in awkward direction.
Humor runs from the corners like honey.
Love twists about with satisfaction.
To be charmed with such days is
To also know the wrong.
Life's trials make the charmed days
More intensely felt.

The hunt
The push, the pull
The heat of anger
mistaken for the heat of passion
A love not sweet nor sharing
A hunt with hurt
Mean for strength
For dominance
No true care
Ich liebe Dich nicht
A harsh emotion of obsession
Without a basis in love
Never to release and never to truly want
One last call before the great love
One more attempt to pull her back
One cruel time before the date
One last phone call "I think I might love you."
Give it up ******* - I have gone
No more chase.
I won the hunt.

As it rests before me,
whether this is the chance to take
or leave by the roadside.
Is this the cherry love that tops all?
Is this the last moment of
something sweet that is to be lost
in one guilty, greedy gulp?

Today would be the day;
A day without a trouble.
Easy and placed well.
Not exactly a Friday.
But a delight all the same.
Maybe not exactly good news.
Just overall satisfying.
God blesses us all
With such days.
Happy mediocre.
Cherry picking.
No sorrow, no blame.
Just a quiet thought.

He kissed her cheek first
Because he thought the other
Would not notice.
She gave her the better gift
Because she thought the other
Would not notice.
The other would not notice
Because the other granted love
Without condition.
The other did not notice.
But after the other was gone,
the hearts of the children hurt
Because they remembered
Their choices and wished that
Once they had kissed the other first
and given the other a gift of equal value.
The other had no memory
Yet a memory lingered.

Don't just follow.
Put a thought in the path.
Might be a block.
Might be a bridge.
Don't forget the lesson
of a child to share.
Build mudge pies.
Lay bare your turtle heart.
Choose to listen.
Speak your point softly
once you've heard.
Maybe you'll win.
Maybe you'll lose.
Be yourself
Respect your group.
Let us not forget to share.
Appreciate the gift of others.
Sometimes choose me.
Promise to heal others.

Feeding the press
Sprinkling half truths
For busy fish who care not
Where the bites originate
Its on the net -
Its in the net
Must be true
Never knowing truth
Just interesting speculation
Chum on the water
From the chum who claims to know.

You in my life,
Never clean.
Never right.
Just another obstacle.
Never exactly what I plan.
Never exactly what you say.
Disappointments every time.
Yet I wait,
The good does not get better,
The worse does not get worse,
I live for the perfect that we planned
that so rarely seems to happen.
You churn me up both good and bad.

Cin, Cin,
Alla nostra salute!
Grasp the sweet,
Surrender the mold.
Join in company
With open heart.
Dismiss your care.
Dive in,
Not too deep.
Feel the rush of open thought.
Open dreams.
Cin, Cin,
Alla nostra salute.

Not a drop
of unwieldy emotion.
Tidy with even thought.
A story carefully mixed
with compliments to
cover complications.
Bleached of unpleasant
memories.
Spread in even bits to cover
clumps of sorrow.
Fresh with untangled tales.
Meant to show the strength
of blessings.
Clean for the public.
Ladylike and kind.

To him, it was a clear blue day;
His father came in the kitchen
Wearing a brown fedora;
He walked out of the morning chill;
Long puff of cotton strand pulled across the sky;
As the teacher sat in the classroom talking to his class,
this was his memory for Thanksgiving Day.
He never said where the father had been.
Was he a visitor-- did he go for milk.
The crisp morning air meant more than
the father's purpose.
Yet in the story, you knew the English teacher
longed for his father.
He drifted from the class to that time.
Poetry in his heart wasted on a rainy day in high school.

I can almost touch it.
It feels so close.
The tune conjures it.
The smell of green and new.
Memories of what was.
Close to me.
Never lost, never old, never told.
Then, I catch the glance.
I see the real.
Content myself with what is.
Let go what was.
So quickly lost.
Yet seems so close.
Is closed to me.

It sets forth the beginning.
It sets forth the reason.
It sets forth the place.
It sets forth the children.
It sets forth the intent.
It sets forth the remedy.
It sets forth the end.
My humble complaint.