Want more
Promise to heal
Stop the demon
Shake it off the shoulder
Sink the depths of loss
Heart is full of hope
Knowing all will leave
But tears in eyes
No turning from my wicked friend
Who stays alone with me
Claiming me as his own
Til death do we part
He brings me destruction.
No freedom for me
Test I will never pass
Can't brush it off.
Cease to care.

Not enough time.
The day passes
With all my chores.
You sit and brew.
My slight no notice.
Spite invigorates.
Things amiss.
Hid and placed.
Clutter my brain with loss.
Shame on me.
Add a search of hours
For things amiss.
Trick on me
As you sleep.
Replaced as you awake.
Shame on me.
Trick on me.

Not in a wound;
But a flavor to add delight;
A crisp crystal on the tongue
To excite;
To brine the fun and hold it close;
Saving and savoring memories;
Curing them for all times;
You the salt, to my pepper.
The constant to my spice.

Didn't you know it is all about me?
You thought it was about us-
You thought it was you and me-
Not so much.
The story was short.
You thought it was done-
Your part was over-
For me, it had just begun.

Sweet untold.
Left alone without regret.
If too fierce.
Best untold.
Honey words of truth.
Shared by lovers.
Shared by mothers.
Lost by liars.
Drip with saccharin
Not quite so.
Honey warm yellow
Manmade words
Stuck in wax.

The quality has left.
Spinning quantity
Without purpose.
Painful empty.
Just dreaming,
No longer with me.
Unable to push to purpose.
Just eyes shut with no repair.
Caught on earth,
Unable to exist as self.
Drifting still,
Unable to furnish the finish.

One was pious.
One was scheming.
One was toast.
One was game.
One was unchaste.
One was left.

My dear first;
Want to cling to the good
But the bad keeps rising.
Fell asleep in your car?
Really?
Who were you holding?
Said yesterday was good.
Who got that day?
Seems all I get is crazy.
Like them, Helluva lies.
Excuses not even good.
Don't care enough to cover.
Goodbye, *******.
See you never.

You are my three--
I remember my three--
I will never forget my three--
Let me see--
You are--
My Three--
You are--
My girls--
Your names are--
You are my three.

The promise of something good,
Beyond the summer storm;
An especially good piece of chocolate cake;
But tonight, its something about to leave;
The feeling of tender loss;
The wind can't dry the pain;
The rainbow won't arch above;
The taste is bitter sweet with
What could have been.
But what was,
hummed the crickets,
Thrilled the soul.

Longing without intimacy.
Most giving with selfish purpose.
Mechanical, practiced sharing.
Unknown thoughts hidden
in pleasant phrases that please the ear.
The surface look of caring.
To never touch the soul who knows only self.
Who explains love as an open feeling.
Why love one when consumed with many.
The bee in the garden.
Not too close to see the stains of  conceit.

Red clay with deep veins.
Grassy patches draped above
leaning towards the flowing wet;
Ground falling in crumbling chunks;
Until smoothly running in the heavy rains.
Caught in the rocks at the bottom
as it pools with mixing water.
Land that's been part of one story
becoming part of another.
Lost dreams rushing to another bank.

Thought you were mean;
You said no more;
I was hurt;
So you pulled me back;
Not with passion;
But gentle caring;
It had been love;
Then it was guilt;
You meant no more;
But you were human.
You felt my pain.
Not cruelness.
Just helplessness.
You were done.
I get it now.

It pours over my head
Landing on my shoulders
Because you think I am strong.
My knees buckle with the weight
of your anger and words.
Take them back.
My load can't stand them.
You were my salvation.
My blessing, my cooling fountain
Now merely a volcano of emotion.
So sorry it ended this way.
Go home.

Distracted by need.
Aching to the core
The promise of more
Mind not releasing
The wish of more
Spilling into my everyday.
What can’t be
So suddenly, overwhelmingly is.

Tarry rain smell.
Washed streets and cars.
Bar with light bulbs hanging
in the windows glistening
through the rain drops.
People scattering inside and out.
Cracked sidewalks.
Music too loud drifting as
doors open and close
filling the busy night.
Too much horn,
Wails out calling guests.
The ***** smell of people
running past to get to the next stop.
Darkness falling with the rain.
Cars drifting among the crowded street.
A horn blast and a blink of lights.
Busy night in town.

Night time quiet.
Fire sizzles and
throws sparks in the dark.
Leading eyes to follow the full moon,
resting low on trees.
Big and orange smiling
upon the earth.
Harvest moon glowing
autumn.
As the fire devours its nest,
Crackling with hungry delight.

Slowly making journey
Following downward
Dark and sticky
Molasses sweet mess
Mixing with butter
Cascading over bland
White bread
Mo lasses, mo lasses
Cried my sweet baby
'I want more lasses.'

Just outside the window
Sitting on a limb.
Legs dangling.
So many possibilities.
To shimmy to the bottom
Or cross to the window.
Possibilities inside
More interesting than out.
Surrounded by fresh green.
The bark imprinting my hands.
The full moon staring down
With curiosity about the next move.
To shimmy to the bottom
And walk without the dare.
To go inside and greet the fate.
Breezy night brushing
Leaves against my arms and face.
Not so bold so I go.
The moon gently laughing,
Guiding me home.
Chance will come again.
Just not now.

Christian.
So you claim,
Yet you preach finish.
Do you feel justified?
Are you raging with war?
Tell me what makes you mad.
What justifies?
How can you pray for others
so kind?
Then have such hate
without reason.
Tell me, dear friend.

Wild blueberries for breakfast muffins.
Green Kool-aid on Birthdays,
with green icing on homemade cakes.
Sticky homemade popsicles
and sips from gushing water hoses.
Tadpoles in jars.
Flyflies lighting the night skies.
***** feet pushing at pedals
To win the race.
Picking vegetables for dinner.
Swimming at days end in the lake.
Smell of grilling steaks on Friday night.
Fresh cut grass on Saturday morning;
Charmed with this.
The blessing of childhood.

Sunshine in the fall.
Happy fall orange and bright,
Leaves tumbling over playing kids.
Soft golds lighten the moods
With hope of gathering families.
Expectant mothers awaiting arrivals
in the spring with protective thoughts
of what will be.
Cool nights with warm cuddles.
Fall's happy gate of family time.

So, Son, I wish it
hadn't happened.
We could always say
why would it happen
to such a good kid like you.
Circumstances surround you
in a way they never have another.
Collapsing on your broad shoulders.
Possibilities crumble like dust.
And what about him.
It is worse for him and his.
With the pain I feel for your mistakes,
Their misery to me is unbearable.
Why does free will conquer good will?
There you stand to face the moment.
My heart aches.
But you are straight and fearless.
You will take your consequence.
I must take mine.

Rom and Rem rest together.
Knowing only love.
Loving the woman with no memory.
Softly kissing her folded hands.
Nudging her back to the present.
Nuzzling the neck of the lonely mother
Whose children have left for dreams.
My goldens watch with soft eyes.
Best friends and kindest souls.
Friends for the old black dog who no longer
knows his name.
Gentle dogs, but full of play for
My boy Sunshine when he walks through the door
as golden as them and just as full of play.

Mischief lights within
Nothing known can be undone
Find me where I should not be
I invite you in my web
Put aside plan made
You will learn my way of play
I will show you astray
Follow me, my way
Learn I have no fear or mercy
Nothing known can be undone

Grew up with too many
Lived life with too many
Took care of too many
Loved by too many
Plagued by too many
Lost too many
Years too many

Weak with approaching death;
My body has slowly surrendered;
Strained with remembering;
All the love over all the years;
Gather my loved one's prayers;
My wife's tears of hope which
I can no longer take.
We had each other, my precious girl.
My lips want to form a smile.
It was a good run.
A valiant victory lap  for someone
who had legs that would no longer move.
The wreath is still upon my brow
and will be placed upon my coffin.
But it was a good run.
I stayed as long as I could.
I love you, Carolyn.

His smile was perfect
His manner easy
Why did mom hate him
Why did mom hurt him
His name became a curse
He ran with mom's girl

Yet mom still spoke evil
mom yelled angry words
Girl said, "Crazy Mom"
Off they went together
mom's words made no matter
Happily ever after

Long nights dream,
wishing heart ,
Lost in thoughts of want.
Not worried about finding
the purpose
with the fullness of life lived.

Spreading.
Letting it grow.
Feeling it burst from nothing.
Bright green cascades over reason.
World seeing its growth.
At first amazed then dismay.
Taking over
Climbing over
Killing life underneath by blinding
From light all below.
So huge all collapses beneath its weight
Just a thought left to grow.
Prune with reason
Feed with care.
**** anxiety from the patch.
Don't over-fertilize with manure.

Snagged her from my grasp;
Little bit under the weather;
Thought you were helping;
Never understood it was a plot;
Just taking a little break;
Left the dog treats on the bed
just so you would know I needed you.
Never thought you would use it against me.
Need you to help me long.
Why'd you give it up.
Baby, not yours.
Ha, you know.
Just needed a place to stay.
Don't punish me with that.
Not yours, she is only mine.
Gave her all I have.

Open and broad at night.
Cool air blowing through.
Lights from outside lick at the night air.
Hungry with concentration,
eyes stare open at the shadowed
ceiling searching for answers
which escaped the day.
Life is sifted through the head
resting on the pillow
turning over in anxious
cartwheels of what should have been.
Sleep and answers are lost
to the wild troubled heart.
Night's darkness does not ease
the ache of worries.

Leaves being caught in the rain
Torn from the trees;
Falling on the road;
Steam rising on the wet bricks.
All in front of me.
A time when youth seemed
Like all I would know.
So much freedom,
Hungry life.
I would love to live it again.
Heart so full.
So sure of self.
To live such reckless beauty.
Toss my calm grace
For a moment of charmed energy.
Move over wealth of knowledge
for breathtaking unknown.
Fresh beginnings just a thought.

He said "Tried It."
Not for him.
She pulled his arm and cooed.
Young and beautiful.
He pushed her back.
"Not the one." She smiled.
"Never the one."
Tiptoe past it.
Run right through it.
Never again.
Not suppose to marry.
Forever divorced.
Forever stung.
Until the one who ropes him in.
The trophy which must be won.
Not the woman lacking.
Just the feeling.

Scrape on the ground.
Held up as glides in the room.
Tossed behind in reckless play.
Torn with careless wear.
Seems to be a test of character.
Just the right length - debonair.
Too long - never give a care.
Carried by maid of honor.
Pulled by heel.
Pushed in passion.
Shortened for youth.
Lengthened for age.
Hidden at death.

Falling from the present,
into a photo of the past.
The spot without the troubles.
Sunshine morning
With birds singing.
Blessings of youth and
stability of unknown.
Sun burns across the linen
onto the sleeping face.
Happy curling lips.
Quite snuggles
without the burden
of sharing years.
Perfection of the start.

Ice Cream and sneaky kisses;
Fancy lunch in the vineyard;
Hearings from noon to eight;
Crying baby and unwritten brief;
Two crying babies and papers to file;
School parties and custody battle;
Dance competition and E.D. hearing;
Order of the Arrow and bar meeting;
Graduation and a glass of wine;
College and a phone call;
Medical school and a poem.
Grandkids and ice cream.

Wet above my lip
Sweat  on my legs
I stretch my arms above my head
I turn my face to the side
The itch is consuming as the heat
Hot summer thunder in the distance
The room is close
Surrounded by pillows and white bleached sheets
Let the time never end
Hold me closer
Whisper the secret of my name
Kiss me tender in the heat

Drop in his arms
Feeling the security of love
Gaze in his eyes
Feel the music of trust
Hearts beat the rhythm
Close with no other
Hair nearly sweeping the floor
Swoop, I am up again
Swirled away and back
To his safe embrace
Lips tickle my neck
His hand runs the length of me
My forever
To hold the moment of perfection
Who knows how long it will last--
for this moment forever.

Not just signaling
Or sighing.
Step forward.
Lean toward.
Act the part.
A lip spent
Is not an investment.
Words are beautiful.
Action is divine.

Just remember the bitter as a feeling
The sweet as a memory
The savory as a love
The salty as a mood
Perk yourself into being
Tasting all life's pleasure and pain
In large heavy mug
Held tightly in your grip.
Run your tongue over feeling, memory, love and mood.
Sink your head and let it perk.

Mix our blessings;
Guard us from troubles;
Led him not into temptation;
Let me not lose my sense of humor;
Grant us years;
Let the mess  not overwhelm our home;
Let fertility not overwhelm our purse;
Joined.
One, but well formed as individuals.
Let us not lose our own being.
Let me support him.
Let him lien on me.
Let him hold me tight.
Let me rest my weary head on his shoulder.
Joined at the heart.
Joined with delight.
Joined in rhythm.
Joined in misery.
Joined in laughter.

I followed the *****
Down to the cost
Never had thought
About the result
Until I reached the bottom
Once there I felt the regret
I wanted to go back
Wanted others to understand
All just a mistake, a bad call
No rope out  my deep fall
The ***** was deep and slick
The recovery unavailable
I caused hell for others
And was stuck there too
No redemption
No way out
My mother grieved
My father swore
No more home
Nope, done

Humid night
Fighting for porch's best seat.
Swaying in the best seat
Laying back with legs straight
I win the race.
My sisters get the steps,
they are younger and slow.
The chains squeal back and forth.
Enjoying chocolate ice cream.
Flip-flops dropping from my feet.
"Anthony, just rode by!"
Called the middle one.
Jumping from my place to the rail.
Trying hard to catch that glimpse.
No Red Trans Am.
Should have heard him.
Turned to take my place.
Pushed between them.
Sat on top.
The swing moaned,
But dutiful held its burden.
Until heat scattered us inside
for air conditioning and TV.

Her kind jade eyes full of love.
Her wrinkled hand wiped tears and swatted bees.
Her caring lips murmured soothing words.
Her arms reached round my shoulders.
Her heart so full of thought.
Her love for me without condition.
Her teachings not forgotten.
Her prayers for me heard by God.
Her house, my sanctuary.
Her sense of humor, full of youthful play.
Her spot now empty in the world.
Her wings now firmly placed.

Just a drop of recollection.
Not remembered.
But forgotten.
A word misspoken
With no purpose.
Is it my lapse?
Has it struck?
Can I live
Without placement
With a mind that no longer
serves me, but wonders
to unknown.
Will I wonder without purpose?
All goals unknown and undone.
Just a lapse.
A lapse of what is.

There it is;
Beyond the bliss I have know;
Still the past,
Rumbling and bumping;
Still moving inside;
Occasionally wakened when I look your way;
Giggling inside my heart
With what might have been,
But never should have been.
Thumping around but never released.
It was just a thought,
never a start.

Why have I forgotten
Is it to ease?
Why have I forgotten
Is it forgiveness?
Why have I forgotten
Is it punishment?
Why have I forgotten
Is it merely fate?