Head forward
with stretched neck;
Was I that wicked?
Was I that lost?
Just swept up in youth;
Now under deep blue;
Was I my own undoing?
Is this payback?
Gulping blue
In deep swallows.
Lost from myself.

Just once be kind.
Applaud what is done.
Understand what is felt.
Help me gain vision.
Let me see what is done.
See what you feel.
So quick sometimes with blindness.
Years of feeling, but not trying.
See my vision, dream my dream.
Walk my step.
I am grown.
Walk beside,
Not in front.

I still hear the music
My feet want to swing in step.
My eyes want to smile with welcome.
I want to cling.
I still hear the music.
My arms want to wrap with warmth.
My lips want to whisper.
The rhythm is familiar.
I still hear the music.
Come to me.
Let's dance, the dance of youth.

Unfortunate happenings;
Realities starkly displayed;
Knowledge can't be unknown;
Some things ache too much;
Festers with time
even when pardon promised;
Memory strongly unforgiving
as much for the doer as the done.

The desk sat on the edge of the woods;
The pretty wood on top was weathered;
The shine had left the wood;
The wood wanted to splinter under my hand.
The drawers were shut and locked
At the back of the desk,
The burnt  orange color browning with time.
The corners pushed out as once it had
In the office with drawers.
The piece that rolled out for signatures
Hung loosely at the front.
Mourning all undone
On the heavy top of the old desk.
Perhaps to repair and start again.
Led to the edge of the forest by ghosts;
The spirits pulling at me to this old spot.
To let me see what lay waste.
Pained by the failure.
The missed opportunity of what could have been.
The work undone.
The skill let gone.
The thought set free to rain and sun.

Troubled parting.
Faithfulness lost.
Silver future not yet reached.
Lost emotion from each other.
Very little remains of together.
Like a sliver of glass stands deadly.
Ready to pierce each other
With bitterness of disregard.
To avoid the broken
Unspoken desertion.

A time since was fun;
All in life glowed
With possibilities of new;
Music meant more;
Summer was bearable;
Possibilities rolled out
With freedom
Reckless thought.
Too fast,
Too whimsical
Too possible.
Now it is a time since.

As a flame hot.
Bright with white.
The burn of truth.

With seashell propped
Against her curls.
Her mouth held
In line of concentration.
Her five year old self listened
For sound of ocean.
Last summer’s trip
Trapped inside.

Bright orange
partially shaded by blue
Almost hidden by the shade
Hanging in the dark sky
All the mystery and promise
of something great.
Just a time to rest.
But the linger, the pause.
A wish of more.

From the beginning,
The ending was my greatest fear;
Knowing that it had to come, but
not when and how;
Years later, no one's fault-
No loss of interest;
Mere limitation of man.
Time awarded bliss;
Later, the worst fear.
It came drowning me
in the numbness of alone.

How deep can it go?
Cover what is felt.
Nothing weeps.
Nothing known.
Nothing really said.
Stiff with soft silence.
Just a name.
Cause you never knew.

Jumping forward.
Leaving troubles
In search of gain.
Walking from pain
To  the triumphs.
Life offers both
Like the cycle of the moon.
Pulling the tides of my mood.
I just have to wait for the fullness
of the next.

Think you are
Walking your walk.
But, I have a plan.
Lean on me, babygirl.
I rule your world.
I wrote the plan
Before you were born.

Running down the edge;
Toward the bottom;
The last bit of the storm.
No more thunder.
No more lightning.
Just the reminder.
The last drip.
Glistening in the sun.
Power surrendered;
Glistening in the heat of day.

Was that just a generation away?
A time when my mother had no voice.
A time when my mother was told to be seen, but not heard.

Was that just a generation away?
A time when a woman had to endure the rant of a man.
A time when an angry man was held in awe.

Was that just a generation away?
When a woman jumped to grab the salt which sat a foot away
from the man.
A time when a woman had to justify a missing sock.

Was that just a generation away?
Do people still try to pull that ****?
Let it go.

Today would be the day;
A day without a trouble.
Easy and placed well.
Not exactly a Friday.
But a delight all the same.
Maybe not exactly good news.
Just overall satisfying.
God blesses us all
With such days.
Happy mediocre.
Cherry picking.
No sorrow, no blame.
Just a quiet thought.

Winter longer
Than any other season.
Crisp blue skies.
Wet days
To give way
To spring.
******* the old.
Who fear to never
See the promise.
Fertilize with patience.
Ready the field.
For green is waiting.

Lingering summer.
Moon resting on the trees
Big, round, orange.
Summer's burn on my cheeks.
Laying on the brown
Woolen Army blanket
Prickly to my bare shoulders.
My suit still wet from the swim.
Coolness chilling the summer night.
Contemplating things to come.
Stroking aimlessly the moist
Green grass beside the blanket.
Moaning music drifting from the house
On the hill above.
Lazy summer coming to end.
Smokey fall and sad goodbyes-
Omens yet to come.

Glistening with truth.
Reflections in your eyes
Of dreams unshared.
Never thought to hide
what was reflected
clearly like a camera
in a mirror.
Thought it was a moment
caught with special care.
But it was a moment shared
with reckless naivete.
Youth doesn't understand
what the world so easily sees.
Stop the false, don't pose with me.

Just a step away;
Not quite there, but nearly;
It almost reaches pitch;
So nearly close;
Awfully so;
Carefully pushed.
Not exactly.
Ahh, there you go.
Just so.
Friday.

Seemed like a future
Fitted to a time
Which seemed real.
The moon full
Shining
With a promise
Remembered.
Was a dream once known
But now the truth
Wrapped comfortably
Around with friendly
Familiarity.

Sitting on the couch with my two dogs
Cuddled with a book
Lost in history
Dreaming about loves at their height
Knowing that I am also in love
At its best
Feeling the intensity
Knowing all will eventually crash
Because all love ends
With lack of passion,
Mortality, or
Whim
But for now a good book
With a good story
On a stormy afternoon.

So high sometimes.
Others dipping.
The wild loop breaking forth
Trying to catch
At angels wings.
Somehow crashing
With despair.
Mere mortal on the earth.

Cin, Cin,
Alla nostra salute!
Grasp the sweet,
Surrender the mold.
Join in company
With open heart.
Dismiss your care.
Dive in,
Not too deep.
Feel the rush of open thought.
Open dreams.
Cin, Cin,
Alla nostra salute.

Step away from the pain.
Moment of hurt.
Mind release to better times.
Thinking of purple and blue
Then, of black
Aside from myself.
Away from bitter.
Away from struggle.
Letting go of the moment
To then return once done.
I am myself, just removed.
Preservation granted.
Sanity secure.

Thought I was old enough
To have fought for a place
in my profession,
but I wasn't.

I merely held a place
that other generations
had gained.

Said you like my hair color,
was it mine,
but it wasn't.

My colorist is just
really good and
I go often.

Its all just an illusion.
Made up of thoughts.
A careful smile,
A gentle, undeserving
Acceptance of credit
But I appreciate you.

Chances are forgiven.
Moments are spent.
Just another time to idle.
Just another time to lie.
My heart so wants to believe.
I stumble a little with knowledge.
Knowing how it truly is,
Listening to how I want it to be.
Memory of the sudden love
spent on lazy afternoons.
Lost in lonely times not knowing
where you are.
Just not the strength to answer
with the truth of things .
Searching for another way
For us to be another day.
Sappy weak with chances.

Some is just for me.
Busting a feeling from inside.
Because the day is so long
and hard with cost.
Masked thoughts
of what should be or was.
Confusing to those
who never lived it.
Observation of other's pain.
Some is just a sharing of what I see.
I have to let it go somewhere.
I put it safely on paper.
Not for approval but for release.

Creeping from the depth;
brushing over trembling heart;
Sensation of trepidation
rests upon the sleeping mind.
Eyes shut attempting to block
The known to remain unseen.

Son, don't you see what matters
Don't give in
Follow your own
Don't give in to others
Love your own

Rhyme in mind;
Seen a time gone by;
***** ole line spins by;
Not cruel, just rumpled.
Not spicy, just worn.
Once bounced with new,
now falls with truth.
Lost about the edges.

When she was young and beautiful,
She mattered;
When she grew old and weak,
She no longer had a place.
She mattered when her legs
were thin and tan;
She did not matter when
her legs had ulcers and pus;
Where is her place;
How can she have no priority now;
Still loved, but no place.
A life not worth saving.
Only youth has value.
Age has wisdom to see
the place of age.

Love removed
Never near the place
Mossy damp darkness
The feeling of almost, but not quite
Remembering in a dream,
But forgetting to linger in the dream
Harsh woken by reality

Love removed
The thing feared most
Yet it happened
The sharing removed
The pang that  will never be
Not regained and as before
Harsh woken by reality.

Both hands rest on either side;
Resting on lapels;
Gently rubbing down;
Pushing flat cloth with care;
Heavy, smooth blue;
Loving brush of the chin above;
Tender kiss on smooth shaved check;
Soft eyes down;
Hands quietly grasp the smoothed lapels;
Letting go one, more time.
With a pat on either side;
Turn away and let it be.

As it rests before me,
whether this is the chance to take
or leave by the roadside.
Is this the cherry love that tops all?
Is this the last moment of
something sweet that is to be lost
in one guilty, greedy gulp?

My foot failed to catch the step;
Your calming hand clasped my elbow;
With a glance, half a smile;
My heart bounced forward
not missing the fall.
That gentle wave of knowing.
The thought of familiar.
The memory of your scent.
The memory of your intimate touch.
Never will my heart stop feeling.
To my mind, you belong to me alone.
Perhaps also to yours.
A shame that is not the way
as I continue alone.

Just a delay;
Awaiting a stop;
Careful coasting
To life’s edge.
Brief lapse
From tumbling truth.

Tripping from normal.
Forgotten promises
To be recalled at later date.
Release from normal anxiety.
Time away.
With wondering thoughts.
Reckless nothing.
Freed from dysfunction.
Burnt ashes of lost thoughts.
Magnesium for the soul.
Balancing life with gentle ease.

As a child to watch
Yet never be seen;
As a wife to obey
Yet never be heard;
As a caretaker to care;
Yet never be valued.
A woman's life was once
sorry short.

So it soars towards the moon and stars;
It lights the sky with bright showers.
One beautiful blast of color after another;
each catching the gaze.
A sorrowful glance, if not full glory;
The ones that strike the further distance
get the "ahhhs".
The ones that burst with different colors
win the crowds.
Aren't we all just firecrackers travelling
our life - making our mark.
But in the end, we are all the same,
just a trail of smoke and cinder.

Glimpses in a dream-
so ordinary, I merely accept
that gentle smile long since gone.
So normal, a part of my day,
I forget to appreciate
what God has granted me
until I wake.
Then, I wish I had run to you.
Had hugged you.
Had told you how I missed you.
I want to dream again.

Everything is often equal parts.
Part good, part bad.
Part full, part empty.
Never a whole.
Not all bad.
The memory left
is the true taste.

Grown up cedar in cone shape
Sits beside the barb wire fence.
A gift from birds and God.
Not being put to use.
Just awaiting our old truck.
“Holler, if you see someone.”
Chopped with quick aim.
Pushed in back.
Tree for Christmas just for me!

Don't recall that stumble.
I remember boldly standing.
Did I stammer?
I thought I was fluent with the cause.
Did I hide behind a lie?
I thought I signed up for the chore.
How is my recollection so flawed?
Let me not back down.
I'll check my notes and get back.

Mouth wide open;
Hair tossed back;
Feeling the flight of care;
Living the glory of the moment;
Unaware of stares;
Childlike freedom of self;
With release of worry;
Abandonment of dignity.
Reckless disregard of strangers.
Caught in the wonder of
Life's remedy.

My life is for your convenience.
I pour your coffee
and wash your back.
Forgotten that I have a path.
When one time, it was your goal.
Now you soak me
With the simplicity
of your unimportant.
We drift in the Hell
of nonconsequential.
Chatting the same topics.
However, I can't stop,
because if I do
you will be gone from me.
This is what we have.
Trapped between what was
and just being.

Never accepting what I say;
Always reading more in simple no;
Just sit still;
Stop the search for undertone;
Just as I say;
No more, no less;
No importance at all;
Just is;
Live your life with as it seems.
Stop the thought of so much more.
Happiness may actually find you
If you cease.

Tumbling through the full.
Not merely surviving, but
Truly thriving.
No complexities of living too long.
Enjoying the rounded tastes.
Dancing with angels.
Spinning with demons.
Letting go of the sadness.
Free wheeling delight.

Not always known.
Sometimes clear as glass.
Deep blues and green of life.
Sometimes smeared with use.
Prismed by experience.
Just one part of many.
Shattered by loss.
Healed with hope and love.