Not always known.
Sometimes clear as glass.
Deep blues and green of life.
Sometimes smeared with use.
Prismed by experience.
Just one part of many.
Shattered by loss.
Healed with hope and love.

Fork in the road;
Delay or decision;
Times in life when reason escapes;
Others the answer lands in sight;
Good days are blessings that
glow in our memories.
The bad days land on a dusty heap-
often days which were anticipated.
Sometimes the bad days are redeemed
with after-known facts that only become
apparent with maturity and knowledge.
It is neither this or that.
It is all.

Skip past the difficult.
Don't let all life be wrung from you.
Taste the sweetness of blessings.
Struggle free of hardship.
Rainbows can be found
After most storms.

Not going to walk your path;
Roaming my own thoughts:
Not trying to control you;
Feel free to be the *** you are:
Let it fly with my exit;
Don’t expect me to right
Your uncontrollable wrongs.
Get along with it;
I am gone.

Never stumble down that path;
Whom shall I gather;
Whom shall I tease;
Tempt you with my thought;
Turn it in a phrase;
It is not for public consumption;
It is for personal pleasure;
Self absorption is all it really is;
Down the rabbit hole without a pole.
Time lost with reckless surrender.

He hit me
His fist met my face like an old friend
I backed away

His anguish filled the room
He flung his arms in the air
I backed away

No  future
No past
All just a blow
He hit me

Clear payment for a wrong done.
Sadness cleared.
A receipt granted.
No more repair.
No more cold dishes.
The dish was hot and ready.
Cut with depth and feeling,
The dish was plated.
The platter gold.
Clear payment for a wrong done.

Fate doesn't drag straight
Except on occasion.
When it follows the cool
Crisp lines of wants and needs
To make a perfect soft landing
in the midst of things.
Gentle blessing rests.

Not feeling my age.
Outside air is crisp with challenge.
Crows feet are forgotten.
Listening to the sounds of night.
In the dim can still pass.
Sipping the rich purple
in my glass by the fire.
My ankle is still slim in my boot.
My sweater is wrapped around.
The firelight glows.
No place for my feeling to go.
Just sitting enjoying the spell.
Remembering what should have been.
Wishing not so much waste.
Head leaned forward.
Fall is beautiful - if not lonely now.

Stolen with a bit of silence.
Seized by a lack of flow:
Lack of self with numbness;
Self  is gone.
Shocked away.
The thief left with her
Leaving just a shell.
Gone before leaving.

Yet another falls behind;
Like an apple off my tree;
Resting on the ground
With mellow sweetness;
Ripe with what was
and what should have been;
The first apples were pulled
With greedy hands
and hungry delight.
Now, more apples on the ground
Than left on the tree.
Fall is deep.
Winter is near.
Frost bite will soon take the rest.
The apples made sweeter by the age and cold.
Only the wise enjoy what is left.

Jealous twin spills unconscious thought
Sharing unknown desires and cares
Heart is shown in reckless folly
Pen to paper betrayed by self
Thinking no one will know
People always get more
Than we believe
Right hand, confessor of our soul
Who is watching as I write?

Go unknown.

Forward move.
Tripping sometimes
With doubt.
Reaching toward
Grasping at air.
Standing, stillness.
Spilling thoughts
And prayers.
Head down to hear.
Forward time.
Ergo, I go.

You in my life,
Never clean.
Never right.
Just another obstacle.
Never exactly what I plan.
Never exactly what you say.
Disappointments every time.
Yet I wait,
The good does not get better,
The worse does not get worse,
I live for the perfect that we planned
that so rarely seems to happen.
You churn me up both good and bad.

Just a few years,
Not nearly enough.
But it was my life.
The time to which I
always go.
The time of which
I dream.
How could it be my world?
So limited, so full.
Just a bit of time.
My purpose.

No schedule.
Just long walks.
My own thoughts.
Not the nuisance
Of responsibilities.
No hungry questions
With no easy answers.
No one pulling at me
With their plans.
Freedom to be
My inner self.
Prayers of repair.
Filling an empty soul.
Lonely healing
So very much needed.

He would watch with his tender eyes.
Almost misting, sometimes.
Almost smiling, sometimes.
I think I mistook tenderness
seeing it as his love of me.
However, he was not tender.
The look covered the lies that
he did not want me to see.
He melt my brains with the look.
No tenderness, just pity
for my ignorance.
"Ahh, she knows better."
But we all grow and see.
Now, I look with tenderness
at him with thoughts
of what he missed.

Tripping with delight
in time to the music
of my heart.
Spent with the love
so bright and pure.
Moving with the thrill
of "yes, I am sure."
Not thinking of what
might be, but
how it feels.
Move in time with
reckless step.
Dance of life.
Dance of instinct
Without thought.

If we live long enough,
Our past turns dry.
The past of minutes flees.
The memories of childhood
Linger a bit longer.
Funny to remember the first
Better than the last.
We are blind to our past
As it grows increasingly dim.

You said, I would be fine;
You said the time would be mine;
You said your time had come;
You said your time was done;
You said do it all, under the sun;
You said you were leaving;
I wasn't fine;
The time wasn't mine.
Now, I want to join you because my time feels done;
Why did you leave me?

The joy in the bite;
Fighting out of corners;
Looking for the gentle hand to guide;
Where is the former self;
Lost in nothing;
Eating and sleeping are refuge.
Dreams make sense of a world
That no longer matters.
When will the departure happen.
Slowly drifting from most basic
To a lost world that has no cure.

You knew this was it.
There you are, still,
Subject of my quest.
Have come to know you
In and out.
Seeing scars as I make my own.
Leaving me to guess.
Silently giving.
There for me.
Generous person,
When done,
Dispatched.
The gift of knowing you
Lingers with me.

In my own space,
With my own thoughts,
Roaming all the territories
Of what I want.
Just a moment to spare
about the thought that as
we age sometimes our minds
no longer are.
God seems to grant a contract
for the mind that expires
Before life.
So I will sit and enjoy
while I still have value.

Little lady sit there still;
Never raise concern;
No skinned knees;
No challenge, please;
Watch life and learn;
Don't question, just observe;
Not a bother;
Soft spoken;
Hidden by the veil of shyness.
Think your own thoughts;
Dream your silent dreams;
Don't disappoint with rebellion.
Never let them see your thought.
Only share with God.
But the problem is  
once you are grown --
Life's a struggle with a battle
Never learned.
Only dreams and thoughts
of what should be.
Never knowing how it is truly done.

Sandy met him at twelve.
Fell in love.
**** that's young,
I thought.
Then, found she
died at thirty.
Love at twelve,
'cause she had to have
time to love.

Heard dad was dying.
Looked at my cousin
with such envy.
Both of his loving parents
standing there to be with us.
Felt such a feeling of loss,
he wouldn't yet know.
Yet, my aunt died
quickly 'cause the silent
death ceased her as
my dad continued to die.
'cause that was fate.

My sonshine found trouble
'cause he looked in a dark place.
I told my friend she would never
know my grief.
One year later, her son found
a darker place,
'cause love can never save.

I regret my envy and
misunderstanding.  
I judged
'cause I never knew the purpose
of God, the paths he gave.
I need to stop the ponder that
only makes it hurt.

Gray ash on pale skin;
Wednesday's child;
Smolder with repentance.
Confess your sins.
Release your worries.
Walk the path of reflection.
Revel in the silence.

I want to run screaming down the street
Let me go!
Let me go!

I want release
Don't follow me!
Don't follow me!

I want to be free
Leave me be!
Leave me be!

I want to let go
But I can't
But I can't

I stand beside you.
Make the best case
For the circumstances.
But you make the circumstances.
It's all you.
I go home and rest upon my pillow;
You go where they send you.
When I rest upon my pillow.
I worry for the life you caste aside.
You pay so much for so little.
Why can't you follow as I say?
Let the demon go.
People love you.
Don't be as you are.
Release from it.
All you.

It sets forth the beginning.
It sets forth the reason.
It sets forth the place.
It sets forth the children.
It sets forth the intent.
It sets forth the remedy.
It sets forth the end.
My humble complaint.

Lean forward to better see the view;
Trees speeding past on the bright blue day.
This trip is for duty;
Next trip for fun.
Holding the package on my lap.
I raise it and look at the tab.
Obsessive, compulsive- yes,  
the correct one.
I swallow the lump
as it raises in my throat.
This for work;
Next for fun.
I look forward.
Raise my chin.
Confidence.
This is for duty;
next is for fun.
A matter of hours.
No work undone.
Almost there.
This has yet begun
but seems almost done.

Look over;
Don't peer there;
Find your courage;
Wrap your shoulders
with your sweater;
Move through the crowd;
Own the walk;
Stand up straight;
Pretend its good when its not;
Give them the bright side.
Own your space.
Don't let it in.
Wear a smile.
Confidence a plenty.
Head up high.
Just beyond.

Black wood cook stove
Lit with kindling;
In the corner of the house;
Warm dry heat;
Smutting up throughout;
Smell of char and cedar;
Just obstacle to the toddler
Reaching for wants.
Seared flesh.
Confusing pain.
Just her arm, not her face.
No scars remain.
The stove long gone.
Cold lonesome house
still smells of smoke.

Never to your face.
Written in rhyme.
Shared by anonymous
No I never rhyme.
I share your wrong
in rhythm.
My heart bleeds in beat.
I don't ***** words from mouth.
They bleed from brain on paper.
Hoping you feel my paper cuts.

You made me
I made you better
You are gone
My heart cries as I dream
I miss you

Patience, wait outside the door,
Gentle look as approach,
Cautious step as walk by side,
Nudges to feel the pulse on wrist.
Gentle licks for temperature.
Knowing something not quite right.
Awaiting the need with careful thought.
Something born to and not taught.
Some creatures just know the task,
The want to cure,
Know the careful wait,
Nurse dog deep inside.

Soothing as my mood runs
in disorder.
Soft whispers against
My harsh inside voice.
Like a drop of ink
Split into a bucket of water.
It dissolves and fades.
Lavender with sweet scent,
Makes me rest.
Tired of troubles.
Free of thought.
Tumbling away concerns.
Released.
Quiet empty.

3:00
Just a time
Peace and quiet
Gentle thought
Forgiveness

3:00
Alone with self
No, not alone
Peace and Quiet
Forgiveness

3:00
Atonement
Silent thought
Peace and Quiet
Forgiveness

Placed carefully in the pie tin
as kitty looks on;
Rich, wet and dark;
Set carefully in the sun;
Ready to bake;
Seems a true masterpiece:
Rich with texture;
Best left moist;
So deceiving in its place.
How many mudge pies
Take the place of fudge?
Look around and count.
Is it mudge or fudge?
A try will tell.
What fools the eye
does not fool the gut.

I am not that bad.
I played a game.
You played one, too.
I felt the shame.
Alone in that.
Me, held to blame.

You said you had
So much to lose.
It came a time
for you to choose.
I moved back
my heart to bruise.

I am not that bad
I let you go.
It was so deep
and yet not so.
You were the cheat.
I saw you go.

Not my label to be shared;
Sometimes it's just wrong;
Pushing me into a corner.
Is it because you are the one?
Tired of you throwing
It on me as if I own it.
Take back your burden.
Empty my path.
I won't claim the name.
Just a mere woman.
But a fate to be lived.
Without a misnomer.

It was better than moonlight.
It was better than birds singing in morning.
It was the sweetness of youth.
It was to be a wonderful memory.
But is was truly nothing.
It was soon forgotten.
It was never forgiven.
It was just a mistake.

Drop of a word.
Not saying exactly what mean.
Just a tad off.
A gap not quite reaching.
Knowing, quietly knowing.
Empty and full at the same time.
Morning never rises.
Night is ever present.
Lapsing gently from present to past.
Leaving this for the next.
Exiting through the past.

Side step, swoop under;
Avoid the troubled heart of things;
Cautious thoughts held inside;
Not a maneuver, not a plan;
Trembling, lying smile
Playing at awkward lips.
Searching eyes and busy hands;
Trying to hide the known.
How do you not look suspicious
When caught solid.

All watched as I answered;
They thought they knew;
It was the New Year;
The special call;
I cradled the phone
with both hands to my ear;
Caller who loved me;
They assumed it was one;
But it was the other.
The other who held me
More dear in his heart
Who could not be near;
The one who was supposed to call
Never called that New Year.
I kept the secret to myself.
I gave the one credit.
I kept the other to myself.
My parallel life smoothed past.

Time whipped into a lacy dress.
About ankles with an upturned face.
Short cut curls and hanging veil.
Upturned face with glowing smile.
Handsome man in morning suit
With gloved hand holding the laced arm.
Wedding cake delicately held.
Now, a dream of the past black and white.
Another with gown sweeping at the ground.
Long blonde hair held up in pins.
A man in dress mess grinning down.
Walking beneath arched swords.
Glossy in color within a book.
Tomorrow a low dipped gown.
A knowing smile.
A quick little service
With a loud wild party.
Just how it is.

So ever felt a dare?
Who would know?
Just the thrill of no.
So you said no,
I did it.
I felt the power
Of shouldn’t do.
Then, your sorrow.
The thrill was lost.
The dream was spent.
Just like that.

Giant steps into the dark
Taking chance to meet the fate
Looking forward with face upturned
Meeting trouble with a grin
Cool breeze whipping at my hair
Never looking for what was missed.
Only seeking what will come.

Pink it out;
Trace the path;
Color the truth;
Leave traces behind;
Brand your prize.
Silly trip of fancy.
Telling all secrets
of the unforgiven.

Crazy in my mind
Trapped in a life I did not choose
Crazy in my mind
No release
Duty is mine
No place of solace
Don't share your guilt with me
Crazy in my mind
Let me be
Just a little peace

Having grown to cover.
Cracks healed;
Turtle shell still
encompasses treasures
of the heart.
As thoughts grow,
so the shell grows.
Thus far, the damage
is not fatal.
Just trying.
My ribbed shell
still holds the secrets.