So ever felt a dare?
Who would know?
Just the thrill of no.
So you said no,
I did it.
I felt the power
Of shouldn’t do.
Then, your sorrow.
The thrill was lost.
The dream was spent.
Just like that.

Drop of a word.
Not saying exactly what mean.
Just a tad off.
A gap not quite reaching.
Knowing, quietly knowing.
Empty and full at the same time.
Morning never rises.
Night is ever present.
Lapsing gently from present to past.
Leaving this for the next.
Exiting through the past.

Stolen with a bit of silence.
Seized by a lack of flow:
Lack of self with numbness;
Self  is gone.
Shocked away.
The thief left with her
Leaving just a shell.
Gone before leaving.

My life is for your convenience.
I pour your coffee
and wash your back.
Forgotten that I have a path.
When one time, it was your goal.
Now you soak me
With the simplicity
of your unimportant.
We drift in the Hell
of nonconsequential.
Chatting the same topics.
However, I can't stop,
because if I do
you will be gone from me.
This is what we have.
Trapped between what was
and just being.

Fate doesn't drag straight
Except on occasion.
When it follows the cool
Crisp lines of wants and needs
To make a perfect soft landing
in the midst of things.
Gentle blessing rests.

Each has potential.
Trying to find the perfect fit.
Check each pocket.
Close each pouch.
Bushing fingers upon the glass.
Lost in whim of pleasure past.
Bell rings as shop door shuts.
A dash together in fall's cold rain.
The wet surrounds as laugh together.
Open and settle inside the car.
Lean forward for quick kiss.
Engine starts with smiling glance
Acknowledging presence
of together's gift.

Don't recall that stumble.
I remember boldly standing.
Did I stammer?
I thought I was fluent with the cause.
Did I hide behind a lie?
I thought I signed up for the chore.
How is my recollection so flawed?
Let me not back down.
I'll check my notes and get back.

Glimpses in a dream-
so ordinary, I merely accept
that gentle smile long since gone.
So normal, a part of my day,
I forget to appreciate
what God has granted me
until I wake.
Then, I wish I had run to you.
Had hugged you.
Had told you how I missed you.
I want to dream again.

Not going to walk your path;
Roaming my own thoughts:
Not trying to control you;
Feel free to be the *** you are:
Let it fly with my exit;
Don’t expect me to right
Your uncontrollable wrongs.
Get along with it;
I am gone.

The joy in the bite;
Fighting out of corners;
Looking for the gentle hand to guide;
Where is the former self;
Lost in nothing;
Eating and sleeping are refuge.
Dreams make sense of a world
That no longer matters.
When will the departure happen.
Slowly drifting from most basic
To a lost world that has no cure.

If we live long enough,
Our past turns dry.
The past of minutes flees.
The memories of childhood
Linger a bit longer.
Funny to remember the first
Better than the last.
We are blind to our past
As it grows increasingly dim.

Patience, wait outside the door,
Gentle look as approach,
Cautious step as walk by side,
Nudges to feel the pulse on wrist.
Gentle licks for temperature.
Knowing something not quite right.
Awaiting the need with careful thought.
Something born to and not taught.
Some creatures just know the task,
The want to cure,
Know the careful wait,
Nurse dog deep inside.

No schedule.
Just long walks.
My own thoughts.
Not the nuisance
Of responsibilities.
No hungry questions
With no easy answers.
No one pulling at me
With their plans.
Freedom to be
My inner self.
Prayers of repair.
Filling an empty soul.
Lonely healing
So very much needed.

Just a few years,
Not nearly enough.
But it was my life.
The time to which I
always go.
The time of which
I dream.
How could it be my world?
So limited, so full.
Just a bit of time.
My purpose.

God wants us to sing
Gentle harmonizing songs.
But we are man;
We ate the fruit
Of know it all.
Now we roam
With those who hate.
Maybe we all hate a little
If not a lot.
Brutality where God
Whispered love songs
To us all.

Having grown to cover.
Cracks healed;
Turtle shell still
encompasses treasures
of the heart.
As thoughts grow,
so the shell grows.
Thus far, the damage
is not fatal.
Just trying.
My ribbed shell
still holds the secrets.

You in my life,
Never clean.
Never right.
Just another obstacle.
Never exactly what I plan.
Never exactly what you say.
Disappointments every time.
Yet I wait,
The good does not get better,
The worse does not get worse,
I live for the perfect that we planned
that so rarely seems to happen.
You churn me up both good and bad.

3:00
Just a time
Peace and quiet
Gentle thought
Forgiveness

3:00
Alone with self
No, not alone
Peace and Quiet
Forgiveness

3:00
Atonement
Silent thought
Peace and Quiet
Forgiveness

Skip past the difficult.
Don't let all life be wrung from you.
Taste the sweetness of blessings.
Struggle free of hardship.
Rainbows can be found
After most storms.

Side step, swoop under;
Avoid the troubled heart of things;
Cautious thoughts held inside;
Not a maneuver, not a plan;
Trembling, lying smile
Playing at awkward lips.
Searching eyes and busy hands;
Trying to hide the known.
How do you not look suspicious
When caught solid.

Hold it in your heart.
Close to those you love.
Have your pride.
Let it well inside.
Makes you strong.
Belief makes the difference.
Bravery wins allies.
Daunts your enemies.
Confuses the nonbelievers.
Please hold your ground.

I stand beside you.
Make the best case
For the circumstances.
But you make the circumstances.
It's all you.
I go home and rest upon my pillow;
You go where they send you.
When I rest upon my pillow.
I worry for the life you caste aside.
You pay so much for so little.
Why can't you follow as I say?
Let the demon go.
People love you.
Don't be as you are.
Release from it.
All you.

He hit me
His fist met my face like an old friend
I backed away

His anguish filled the room
He flung his arms in the air
I backed away

No  future
No past
All just a blow
He hit me

Fork in the road;
Delay or decision;
Times in life when reason escapes;
Others the answer lands in sight;
Good days are blessings that
glow in our memories.
The bad days land on a dusty heap-
often days which were anticipated.
Sometimes the bad days are redeemed
with after-known facts that only become
apparent with maturity and knowledge.
It is neither this or that.
It is all.

Mouth wide open;
Hair tossed back;
Feeling the flight of care;
Living the glory of the moment;
Unaware of stares;
Childlike freedom of self;
With release of worry;
Abandonment of dignity.
Reckless disregard of strangers.
Caught in the wonder of
Life's remedy.

Just a whisper
low and sweet
Moaning,
Rising above,
Take me in and let me be.
Hide me quiet.
Let me be.
Rest me deep.
Share me not.
Just for you.
Know my name,
But let me be.
Just you and me.
I’ll not tell.
Just let me be.

I don’t want to practice.
I want to write-
To record the balance-
To repeat the truths-
Without a purpose.
To connect it in a fashion
Not to win, but to explore.
To love human nature
Without regard for law’s
Cruel reason.

Clear payment for a wrong done.
Sadness cleared.
A receipt granted.
No more repair.
No more cold dishes.
The dish was hot and ready.
Cut with depth and feeling,
The dish was plated.
The platter gold.
Clear payment for a wrong done.

Yet another falls behind;
Like an apple off my tree;
Resting on the ground
With mellow sweetness;
Ripe with what was
and what should have been;
The first apples were pulled
With greedy hands
and hungry delight.
Now, more apples on the ground
Than left on the tree.
Fall is deep.
Winter is near.
Frost bite will soon take the rest.
The apples made sweeter by the age and cold.
Only the wise enjoy what is left.

Time whipped into a lacy dress.
About ankles with an upturned face.
Short cut curls and hanging veil.
Upturned face with glowing smile.
Handsome man in morning suit
With gloved hand holding the laced arm.
Wedding cake delicately held.
Now, a dream of the past black and white.
Another with gown sweeping at the ground.
Long blonde hair held up in pins.
A man in dress mess grinning down.
Walking beneath arched swords.
Glossy in color within a book.
Tomorrow a low dipped gown.
A knowing smile.
A quick little service
With a loud wild party.
Just how it is.

A space with no relief;
Not there yet;
Not a time to anticipate;
Nothing has the strength to move;
A grey between the floor and ground;
Where shadows hide;
No feeling comes;
How to budge to the glow;
No feeling left except low.
How to feel the life loved.
Just crawling round the grey.

I am not that bad.
I played a game.
You played one, too.
I felt the shame.
Alone in that.
Me, held to blame.

You said you had
So much to lose.
It came a time
for you to choose.
I moved back
my heart to bruise.

I am not that bad
I let you go.
It was so deep
and yet not so.
You were the cheat.
I saw you go.

Look over;
Don't peer there;
Find your courage;
Wrap your shoulders
with your sweater;
Move through the crowd;
Own the walk;
Stand up straight;
Pretend its good when its not;
Give them the bright side.
Own your space.
Don't let it in.
Wear a smile.
Confidence a plenty.
Head up high.
Just beyond.

Lean forward to better see the view;
Trees speeding past on the bright blue day.
This trip is for duty;
Next trip for fun.
Holding the package on my lap.
I raise it and look at the tab.
Obsessive, compulsive- yes,  
the correct one.
I swallow the lump
as it raises in my throat.
This for work;
Next for fun.
I look forward.
Raise my chin.
Confidence.
This is for duty;
next is for fun.
A matter of hours.
No work undone.
Almost there.
This has yet begun
but seems almost done.

Once I knew my way;
No need for a map;
Sometimes I grew bored
Or tired with the journey;
But I did not lose my goal.
Then I began to walk
Others’ paths
From my own.
Somehow they slipped me.
Now I am lost
Without a map.
Please return me to my way
So that I may complete
My trip.

You knew this was it.
There you are, still,
Subject of my quest.
Have come to know you
In and out.
Seeing scars as I make my own.
Leaving me to guess.
Silently giving.
There for me.
Generous person,
When done,
Dispatched.
The gift of knowing you
Lingers with me.

Jealous twin spills unconscious thought
Sharing unknown desires and cares
Heart is shown in reckless folly
Pen to paper betrayed by self
Thinking no one will know
People always get more
Than we believe
Right hand, confessor of our soul
Who is watching as I write?

Go unknown.

Never stumble down that path;
Whom shall I gather;
Whom shall I tease;
Tempt you with my thought;
Turn it in a phrase;
It is not for public consumption;
It is for personal pleasure;
Self absorption is all it really is;
Down the rabbit hole without a pole.
Time lost with reckless surrender.

Hide the thought.
Head upright.
Chin stiff.
Cheeks plump
With smile.
Eyes blink.
Hand brushes brow
With a soft tilt of face.
Right, right
I understand.
Sweep and turn.
Over.
No more.
Gentle toss.
Deep breath.
Relief.
Quiet full grin.
Release.

Drop the drape of care sometimes.
Sip deep from the cup of indulgence.
Dig your feet in the sand of time.
Let yourself drift in dreams.
Don't always be responsible.
Love the life that's left.
Serve yourself with patience.
It's not always about the other.
Sometimes it is about the now.

So cold it burnt my soul.
You so loved with no return.
Alone in love-almost.
You too loved - yourself.

Soothing as my mood runs
in disorder.
Soft whispers against
My harsh inside voice.
Like a drop of ink
Split into a bucket of water.
It dissolves and fades.
Lavender with sweet scent,
Makes me rest.
Tired of troubles.
Free of thought.
Tumbling away concerns.
Released.
Quiet empty.

Cuddle up tight in a warm blanket;
With pillows surrounding;
Christmas tree blinking at me in the corner;
Fire crackling in the fireplace;
Hot chocolate on the table;
Fun book in my lap;
Not enough of these lazy days.
Kids come through shouting;
Goldens jump up in my lap tipping over cocoa;
This is the chaos that I know.
Time to wrap the gifts, let out the dogs, and treat the kids.
Thoughts of reading tossed aside with my book's lost mark.

Gray ash on pale skin;
Wednesday's child;
Smolder with repentance.
Confess your sins.
Release your worries.
Walk the path of reflection.
Revel in the silence.

Tripping with delight
in time to the music
of my heart.
Spent with the love
so bright and pure.
Moving with the thrill
of "yes, I am sure."
Not thinking of what
might be, but
how it feels.
Move in time with
reckless step.
Dance of life.
Dance of instinct
Without thought.

Cast
Onerous
Pity
Into
Neglected
Garbage

You said, I would be fine;
You said the time would be mine;
You said your time had come;
You said your time was done;
You said do it all, under the sun;
You said you were leaving;
I wasn't fine;
The time wasn't mine.
Now, I want to join you because my time feels done;
Why did you leave me?

Rising and falling
with the gentle bounce
of the wake
from the passing boat.
In the water waiting
for the day to be spent.
Gold warm resting
on my pink cheeks.
Leaning on the float
watching perfect leave
with quiet, brutal
splintering of possibilities.
Nothing gained.
So much lost.
But, it was good.

Wake up with songs.
Feel rested from the night.
Time for blessings.
Not alone in my search.
Each day offers habit
executed with purpose.
Some days the purpose
is rewarded.
Granted those bright days.
A holiday, even though mundane.
Bright days are prayers answered.
Scattered in the storm of chaos.
Things go right with little or no push.

At the early part of life, I left the path
I walked my own path
But I make amends
I mend my path
I walk my fate
I am satisfied with my amends