Time to ration out the quota.
Enough to make sense-
But not so much-
The mix falls flat
Write all the words
That rise.
Even still some days
the words fall flat.
Rainy days cause better words.
Rain causes memories to rise.
Sunshine melts thoughts.
Too bright to share
Too knowing.
Dark corners bring better treats.
Write all words,
but know some fail.

You test my patience;
Give me bliss;
Cause me rage;
Help my purpose;
Share my blues;
Dance my beat;
Subdue my fears;
Make my heart sing.

Can't feel right now;
Pushed it alone;  
Using myself as
a backstop;
Now I am stuck;
The weight is on my back;
I can't shift;
Answer sought;
You said that I knew
your desire;
Now I squat
down under;
Numb without plan;
You were never
Brave enough to say;
Just tossed it all on me.
Take it back.
I am done.
Your burden, not mine.

Never see the other side;
The other side is not midnight;
Even if it is
Midnight has much to offer;
The cool dark of thought;
The blinking stars of enlightenment;
Peel back your prejudice;
Please take back your hate;
Nothing is all about you;
Other parties are involved;
Collateral damage, you love;
Why is it always the challenge
to see who can be the bigger ***?
Where once there was love and lust
Now there is mistrust and hatred.
Strong emotion replaced by strong pain.
Step around yourself.

Humid night
Fighting for porch's best seat.
Swaying in the best seat
Laying back with legs straight
I win the race.
My sisters get the steps,
they are younger and slow.
The chains squeal back and forth.
Enjoying chocolate ice cream.
Flip-flops dropping from my feet.
"Anthony, just rode by!"
Called the middle one.
Jumping from my place to the rail.
Trying hard to catch that glimpse.
No Red Trans Am.
Should have heard him.
Turned to take my place.
Pushed between them.
Sat on top.
The swing moaned,
But dutiful held its burden.
Until heat scattered us inside
for air conditioning and TV.

Wiggle in the nest
Causing it to tighten;
Fearing that no one else
Will ever understand
my purpose;
No one else will need
what I have to offer;
Regularly assured of this;
Leaves tremble and brown
with dying autumn;
New plans need be found;
Time to find new purpose.
Time for me to find
what I am.

Placed carefully in the pie tin
as kitty looks on;
Rich, wet and dark;
Set carefully in the sun;
Ready to bake;
Seems a true masterpiece:
Rich with texture;
Best left moist;
So deceiving in its place.
How many mudge pies
Take the place of fudge?
Look around and count.
Is it mudge or fudge?
A try will tell.
What fools the eye
does not fool the gut.

Didn't share the last meal;
Left the room with a smile;
Should have been a long hug;
Should have said how much
I cared, not just a smile;
To recapture and relive
to perfection a chance missed;
I will always feel sorrow;
I would have sat for that hour;
I would have had that chat;
But you felt tired;
You did not feel well;
You were in the midst of leaving;
That last day, I could have done more;
I could have shown how much
I felt, but now regret, my lost moment.
I await the promise of a later date
when I will make amends.

Always elected.
Washed 'til torn.
Had the line loved best.
Worn in rest, at play.
But now its dated,
It's too tight.
Tagline no longer fits.
Time to remove
and toss away.
Favorites are outgrown.
Replaced by new bests.
Time frays even favorites.

Make room.
Rain or shine.
A happening to share.
No RSVP.
Just a notion.
Day into night.
Drunk with music.
Green grass under foot.
Beverage toted by pickup.
Fellowship,
Maybe romance.
Sleep it all off.
Portable party.
Ease of youth.
Angels dancing.
Demons spinning.
Life living.

Not always known.
Sometimes clear as glass.
Deep blues and green of life.
Sometimes smeared with use.
Prismed by experience.
Just one part of many.
Shattered by loss.
Healed with hope and love.

Ice Cream and sneaky kisses;
Fancy lunch in the vineyard;
Hearings from noon to eight;
Crying baby and unwritten brief;
Two crying babies and papers to file;
School parties and custody battle;
Dance competition and E.D. hearing;
Order of the Arrow and bar meeting;
Graduation and a glass of wine;
College and a phone call;
Medical school and a poem.
Grandkids and ice cream.

Expected, but not now.
Ceremony done.
Trying to make myself
Comfortable and
Trying to ease myself
Into Alone.
In my dreams, we visit.
It is so easy to talk.
Heaven as close as a nap.
Feeling your touch
As I sleep.
Your hand on my back.
Alone as I wake.
I wish I had not rushed
to leave your side.

Step up.
Don't step aside.
Don't surrender self.
Don't shake with fear.
Be sturdy.
Be sure.
Reach for the next.

Rainy afternoon.
Umbrellas and puddles,
Wet dogs shaking.
Truth of time.
Saw you inside
Crowded metal diner.
Ducked inside
Busy cook filling orders
You poured over
coffee and text book.
With wet hair.
I sunk beneath the depth
of infatuation.
Recovered myself pushing
By the tip of my closed umbrella
to your side.
Dry toast on a wet day.
No notice, no play.
"Just the check please."
Better weather tomorrow.
Today just a glance.
Two wet shoulders with little notice.

Mouth wide open;
Hair tossed back;
Feeling the flight of care;
Living the glory of the moment;
Unaware of stares;
Childlike freedom of self;
With release of worry;
Abandonment of dignity.
Reckless disregard of strangers.
Caught in the wonder of
Life's remedy.

Walk away.
My eyes are dry,
but I feel the strain.
I want to stay.
I want to give one more chance.
So sure of change.
My heart leaks the grief.
Not as pretty as a broken heart.
Messy spill of feelings.
So many tries.
Takes more than me.
My eyes are dry.
My leaking heart
Will have to mend.

Don't you think he would know better;
Disappears for a while;
Hums with afterburn
Upon return;
Her, older and married;
Him, youthful and dense;
Yet she continues to bait;
He continues to travel;
As it all unravels.
Cursed with longing
That's just deception.
Unreal in the real.
Only good in the steal.

Just remember the bitter as a feeling
The sweet as a memory
The savory as a love
The salty as a mood
Perk yourself into being
Tasting all life's pleasure and pain
In large heavy mug
Held tightly in your grip.
Run your tongue over feeling, memory, love and mood.
Sink your head and let it perk.

Move the flounce to the right.
Move the step to the left.
Place the tiara on the head.
Dip into the mood.
Push the shoulder into the lift.
Allow the spirit room to guide.
Spin with the demons.
Dance with the angels.
Hum to a new day.

First flew past.
Second my arm didn't touch.
The last I fumbled.
Each attempt, I felt, I tried.
But, I never got right.
I wanted to hold it close.
I wanted to get just right.
Missed it -- missed it all.
Now, too late -- the lights are off.
The mist is settling.
My mood is gone.
Just missed it.

Still sorely missed.
Daydreams about what might have been.
Pain is distant and so close.
A shard of glass pierces as my mind reviews
The glass is hidden in the years which dull.
The pain of the shard is new as first.
Sweet girl what should have been.  
Already you see my father.
My mother is watching for you with tired eyes.
Sweet Cate, treat them well.
You are old enough to care for my parents
With loving heart.
My years add for us to meet.
I will look for you when I join, but
Don't expect too soon.
I've my chores here to do.
Love you, Sweet Cate.

A time since was fun;
All in life glowed
With possibilities of new;
Music meant more;
Summer was bearable;
Possibilities rolled out
With freedom
Reckless thought.
Too fast,
Too whimsical
Too possible.
Now it is a time since.

Know more.
Express less.
Always circling Nil Hill.
Sharing too freely with friends
To the point of no credit.
No mutual respect.
The answer so freely given.
Nil Hill is the center.
Friends roam past without spying nil hill.
Unkindly most people see only
Their contribution
Whether stolen or gifted.
Nil Hill barren and dark.

All written and told.
No place to remember.
Just a sensation felt within.
Not knowing exactly what it is.
A need to correct and make right.
Not knowing what is wrong.
Just a feeling with no meaning.

Sit in a pile.
Breathless and forward leaning.
Head bowed with thought.
Opportunity for quiet prayer.
No movement, just thought.
To be weak is to think.

Not once, but twice.
It is drawn back.
Redirected and swung forth.
Hitting the target,
He takes a step back
To gaze at the hole left.
His notice given.
His aim taken.
His whim fulfilled.
Nothing but a blank open.
Left alone to contemplate
What should have been.

Rom and Rem rest together.
Knowing only love.
Loving the woman with no memory.
Softly kissing her folded hands.
Nudging her back to the present.
Nuzzling the neck of the lonely mother
Whose children have left for dreams.
My goldens watch with soft eyes.
Best friends and kindest souls.
Friends for the old black dog who no longer
knows his name.
Gentle dogs, but full of play for
My boy Sunshine when he walks through the door
as golden as them and just as full of play.

Sweet untold.
Left alone without regret.
If too fierce.
Best untold.
Honey words of truth.
Shared by lovers.
Shared by mothers.
Lost by liars.
Drip with saccharin
Not quite so.
Honey warm yellow
Manmade words
Stuck in wax.

Stagger me aside.
Take me from my stride.
Lift me from my pride.
Bewilder my heart.
Nothing from the start.
A secret slow apart.
Dimmed to know
Eyes glow
Head held low.
Bewilder me with thought.
Mighty tides dance.
Pulling deeper still.
Overhead and lost.
Bewildered by the grip.

The days are long.
The nights plain.
Unwilling to explore.
Restrained by grief.
Nothing to hold near
Except the thoughts of past.
Past remains deep inside.
Never again to be whole.
Left to be just me.

Going for unknown.
Living for pleasure.
Finding none.
Moving in the path of others,
Reckless disregard.
Unnamed and alone.
Hoping someone will stop
Offer normal as a way.
Taking the next hit
Until the day is dark.
Unloved and scrapped.

I crawl inside your life,
Take it as my own.
Tailor it to my needs.
Walk back in forth before the mirror.
Move into public.
Let the people see
Then, once home, I carefully remove
Place it on the hanger
No longer heavy on my shoulders.
Your burden awaits you.
The closet closed.
Your garment, my disguise.

I stand beside you.
Make the best case
For the circumstances.
But you make the circumstances.
It's all you.
I go home and rest upon my pillow;
You go where they send you.
When I rest upon my pillow.
I worry for the life you caste aside.
You pay so much for so little.
Why can't you follow as I say?
Let the demon go.
People love you.
Don't be as you are.
Release from it.
All you.

Want more
Promise to heal
Stop the demon
Shake it off the shoulder
Sink the depths of loss
Heart is full of hope
Knowing all will leave
But tears in eyes
No turning from my wicked friend
Who stays alone with me
Claiming me as his own
Til death do we part
He brings me destruction.
No freedom for me
Test I will never pass
Can't brush it off.
Cease to care.

Mix our blessings;
Guard us from troubles;
Led him not into temptation;
Let me not lose my sense of humor;
Grant us years;
Let the mess  not overwhelm our home;
Let fertility not overwhelm our purse;
Joined.
One, but well formed as individuals.
Let us not lose our own being.
Let me support him.
Let him lien on me.
Let him hold me tight.
Let me rest my weary head on his shoulder.
Joined at the heart.
Joined with delight.
Joined in rhythm.
Joined in misery.
Joined in laughter.

Step away from the pain.
Moment of hurt.
Mind release to better times.
Thinking of purple and blue
Then, of black
Aside from myself.
Away from bitter.
Away from struggle.
Letting go of the moment
To then return once done.
I am myself, just removed.
Preservation granted.
Sanity secure.

I can almost touch it.
It feels so close.
The tune conjures it.
The smell of green and new.
Memories of what was.
Close to me.
Never lost, never old, never told.
Then, I catch the glance.
I see the real.
Content myself with what is.
Let go what was.
So quickly lost.
Yet seems so close.
Is closed to me.

Some are born under rainbows.
And are blessed with promise.
Others are born with storms
And have no blessings.
Finding it hard to make their way,
Traveling the normal path
With awful consequence not known to most.
What explains their curse?
Still loved and cherished,
But forever facing crises that makes
Their mothers cry.
Stormy children in the weather
Floods of tears and prayers.
Grow past the folly into knowledge.
Step back from normal
Be better than careful.
Understand your place as a stormy child
With no rainbow shield to keep you safe.

Long story.
With emphasis and detail.
Just the right amount of feeling.
Never meet my eye.
Your sister calls it
Your lying face.
Your chin is stiff.
So caught.
Even you forget
What is truth and
What is fib.
At the end our eyes meet.
You see it.
Disappointment floods.
You know it.
Yet, the step is from me
Not the story.
No more chance.
Just regret.
Done and made, the choice.
Unlucky, you say.
With so much thought,
not truly luck,
Just a choice.

The breeze of it brushes past the side of your body.
You step your toes to the yellow line.
A chill goes down your back.
You feel the near.
You push your eyes close with the tears.
Not knowing whether to finish or
To stay just that side of the line.
The mystery of the unknown.
The caution of the known.
How close do you dare to step.

Tossed words with emotion
Thrown out love spoken softly
Grief and anguish moaned
Scraps of life lived shared
A phrase that catches my ear
I don't, want to forget
The power of the words
That so simply capture
The moment lived
The love shared
The beauty of together lived

Just a tad off
Not the new
A little too knowing
Not shiny
Just a little funk
Outdone
Out shown
Capable but aware
Off putting with stare
Reliable but expected

He said "Tried It."
Not for him.
She pulled his arm and cooed.
Young and beautiful.
He pushed her back.
"Not the one." She smiled.
"Never the one."
Tiptoe past it.
Run right through it.
Never again.
Not suppose to marry.
Forever divorced.
Forever stung.
Until the one who ropes him in.
The trophy which must be won.
Not the woman lacking.
Just the feeling.

So often I repeat for emphasis
Maybe because I forgot I said it.
Can you endure the redundancy?
What bears repeating to me
May be mundane to you
It is a matter of judgment
and circumspect.
I will try to leave repeating to bears.

Sitting on the couch with my two dogs
Cuddled with a book
Lost in history
Dreaming about loves at their height
Knowing that I am also in love
At its best
Feeling the intensity
Knowing all will eventually crash
Because all love ends
With lack of passion,
Mortality, or
Whim
But for now a good book
With a good story
On a stormy afternoon.

Slowly making journey
Following downward
Dark and sticky
Molasses sweet mess
Mixing with butter
Cascading over bland
White bread
Mo lasses, mo lasses
Cried my sweet baby
'I want more lasses.'

Said we were young.
Only fifteen.
Still young.
Still love.
Mutual respect.
Mutual silly.
Five years strong.
Already faced the rough.
Have so much sweet.
I call her "my girl".
I am "her boy".
We were made for each other.
Lucky enough to know it early.

Life lived with grace.
Never forgetting contemplation.
Not rushed to adventure.
Let cool thought rule.
Snake charmer of spirit.
Cautious optimism.
Live with expectation of challenge.
Be simple.
Be still.
Follow the tremble of the  turtle heart.

Open and broad at night.
Cool air blowing through.
Lights from outside lick at the night air.
Hungry with concentration,
eyes stare open at the shadowed
ceiling searching for answers
which escaped the day.
Life is sifted through the head
resting on the pillow
turning over in anxious
cartwheels of what should have been.
Sleep and answers are lost
to the wild troubled heart.
Night's darkness does not ease
the ache of worries.