Jana B

Jana B Oct 2021

I panic, stay..
panic, stay.
Panic, talk about it—
and slowly see the trust rising.
Panic—question.
Waver; and discuss.
I appreciate you
for being steadfast.
This behaviour
is because of a wound,
a recently recognised wound,
that stole my trust
and it takes time
to take it back.

Jana B Oct 2021

What’s it all about?

Is it all about the money
The petty money
The meaningful money
The symbolic money, money, money?

The symbol of care
The power
The asking
The giving
Withholding.

The emotions swell.
Bring them down,
get perspective,
breathe.

Actually, it’s all about the
children, children, children.

Just better to vent frustration here than anywhere else .. maintaining the peace can be incredibly challenging but is the most important thing.
#childsupport

Jana B Sep 2021

Hearing the meaning

Explaining the feeling
is a task;
hearing the meaning
is a gift.

Jana B Sep 2021

Sleep on it

This feels like
going to sleep on an argument
because you’re too tired.
I’m tired too, but
the promise was
to never, ever do that.

Jana B Sep 2021

Wanting

I love that you always want me,
it eases a sore that is deep.
Should it be this way -
is it healthy?
Reassured desirability.
Or am hiding from healing the grief.

Jana B Aug 2021

Emotional highjackery

Let me be free
from your emotional
highjackery.

From your
manipulation
of my life's situation.

Playing hostage --
is the price of your stability
the loss of my positivity?

This is a game of
important odds.
Our girls are not the prize
but the precious treasure
to protect.

Get yourself together
there can be no losers.

Just some thoughts again. My ex, struggling hard with his mental health and it impacts upon our girls. I believe he's struggling because I'm in a new and positive relationship. After 10 years of living with it every day, I need to be away from his depression , for my survival and to be a support for our girls. I just worry so much about the impact his health has on our children.

#mentalhealth #impactonspouseandfamily #gethelpearly #findthelight

Jana B Aug 2021

The cause

What is this stress
making my belly churn
my skin’s itchiness,
my pulse race?

Could it be from
the financial separation,
kids, career,
general obligation?

New starter to train,
bookweek costume,
book balancing,
bithday cake?

Oh wait, I see—
I can do these things,
all of these things,
with a smile and a grin.

It’s you, ex man (child) of mine
looking lost
that unravels me
too easily.

Just that worry about what he could do if he gets bad again. Thank God for his mental health support.

#mentalhealth #separation #impactonspouse #trauma #gethelpearly