honest
i've never felt more the fool
never knew that i could lose
what was never mine

admonish
against overthinking
time not to be smoking and drinking
over planes falling, and ships sinking

a couple lines
to say, i'll be fine

life is already a lot for you
i know
i'm supposed to offer relief
but i just upset you
maybe it's best
you give me a rest
and get on
to living better

i know i said i'd wait
but what am i waiting for
and am i just enabling
pain for you
do you need more
of course
no one asks this ****
or it's something they ignore
when it dawns on you
i'll be the bad actor
and a used up, discarded *****

so scared of losing you
but i just want you to leave
would never walk away
but it runs through my head
everyday
cause boyfriends say
how terrible she is
and she can't help but believe
and feed into
all the little lies
******* spun
the twine is pain
the loom is avoidance
and you wear each article with a smile
it hurts to see

self sabotage
at the end
my tightrope walked
just to **** it all up again
honey, my heart still beats
even though you gnash it
in between your teeth
still got that pumping action
despite the bite marks

ah man
did i upset you
with how i feel
and expressing it
*******
and eat ****
have a brown grin
god knows your nose
is already covered in

So I guess you meant what you had said
which is fine
it just replays in my head
non-stop, several times a day
i'm just blind
obviously, to the writing right in front of me
or maybe like everyone else
i just choose not to see
or i guess chose
whatever we had
is at a close
i want something more
or something less
it just needs to differ i suppose
i have a feeling i'm talking into the wind though
and you've already moved on
i said i was here
but watch me disappear
be the last to know
once i'm gone

Have you yet made companions
Of Vulnerability & Confusion?
For they are the parents
Of Arrogance & Ignorance.
Whom foster the children
Compassion & Patience.
Who give birth
To Innocence & Logic.

Innocence & Logic,
Which grow to be
Virtue & Wisdom.
After the puberty of
Focus & Knowledge.

what governs your soul
what gives weight
your actions
as of late
mine is confusion and self protection
before thinking, submitting to reaction
i am lost
in my head
but no clarity
only a fog
and a blank face staring back at me

i recall, you used to tell
i guess it was a fall, and man i fell
wish it hadn't just been reciprocity
love was what i felt
love gave birth to an atrocity
with how we let ourselves act
it's left it's welts
my ego and pride
cracked with a belt
the scarlet letter of your heart
was the wavering in your voice
i should've been better to you
regret abundant
in my most every choice

Infinity, some might say,
Is simple.
Yet, most are unfamiliar
With the origin of its symbol.

i am a camel
humps swollen
drinking down
so much pain
this distraught face
once happy
now looks like a disgrace
out breaks
of acne
stress induced
you think you're the only one
you've read what i've written
what's the use

if you read these
i don't know it
i need to talk
though i may not say it
may not show it
i need you
though you already know it

that's the worst

it's limbs
grew out, over shallow water
dims the forest floor
with the sunshine it gathers
leaving ferns to wither
like winter
but only cause you've gone
does this blood
boil hot enough
or do you need to do more
to see it warm
before you'll let me fill your loving cup

if you can't be dramatic with me
then who can you be with
real and honest
to the point of pain
your knife, already driven in
were you to take it out
it would only hurt more
when you plunged it in again

you can be outspoken
but with no platform
it's a virtue signaling
it's a priceless token
with no power
the furnace yearns
only smoking

even if you had,
had had my heart
treated it bad
regarded as a fad
moved on at interest's death
not that there was care
anymore, i know it wasn't
a false start
i ruin it all
i sabotage

want the people who care
to know how i'm feeling
can't express the words
so i lead them here and
i end up reeling
when they take
every passage and stanza
for fact
instead of feeling

it's funny
although this is stream of consciousness
outside of this
my thoughts are
very different
complexity, like me, is a mess you see
of course
confusing complexity with messes
is something if you probed, would garner innumerable confessions

In such immaculate conceptions
As science & philosophy,
In broader & more beautiful innovations.
I who first breathed in, creation;
Thought.
The first blessed by electric.

intrusive thoughts
that won
always held out hope
you'd help me
like i you, with yours
let me flounder
rowed me out
and ditched the oars
like an anchor
i'm a downer
going under

you want people to be real with you
but you can't stomach the truth
you want to please everyone
but does it please you?
you say you're sad
and unfulfilled
then do something about it
you're just as afraid to live
as you are to ****
keep a dying love going
going on still
silhouette soul
living life without a will

d.c.
there's a capitol riot
everything's burning
and yet the senate is quiet
no shots ringing out
now there's the riot
deep battered constitution
they grill it, bake it, fry it

flint
on a diet
water pipes busted
turn on the tap
try it
have a glass on stage
let it touch your lips
lest you digest
what's vile

jade
a stone
hard to crack
especially when
it just lies
or hides
misleads and omits
things convenient
you must actually
think me an idiot

you were so young
and full of life
no matter how hard you tried to detach
everytime, you snatched back
the wisps of light
you fostered inside
in spite of the dope
it kept going
your hope
till you up and died
and now i know you
as a tombstone

This is fascism, these are the nazis.
Who would cut out all support
For enforcing a border,
Or making progress on a wall.
Who don't extend the olive branch,
To repair the damage from history
And write new chapters.

This is fascism, these are the nazis.
Who play both sides just to profit,
Who will sell you out just for a couple of dollars.
It's the big money groups, the lobbyists.
Any who have them as donors,
Do not count you among them.

It is stagnation they want,
And inflation is sought
Because it leaves more power in the hands
Of those who control demand
And pits those who rely on supply
Against one another

We focus on fights amongst ourselves
While they tarnish our economy
And step on our rights
That are self-evident & constitutional

saccharin saturated smiles
faulty mass produced liars
with platitudes
that wish you well
and actions that say
go to hell
would that satisfy you?
an eternity
in a lake of fire
just to satisfy you
burn me, but of torture I'd tired
like here
mad hags and ranting shrews
angry freaks and cowardly dudes
taking all the abuse
and i can see the hate on their face
but i can't help but smile

i have a ****** up past
so do you
what do you want me to do
want from me
to hear me say,
let me know

this clockwork device
pumping inside
waves invitation
at any soul
to spur
feeling

to morph me
into a wicked creature
a monstrous creation
nature abhors
this animation

still here, still going
despite not knowing
where
gonna get to where i should
be headed
once it's something that's connected
and clicked
cause my past
is something i can forget

i have to laugh at times
though i say a lot with this medium
it is chiefly, for me
to work out my thoughts
my head is fraught
and only these rhymes
can say
what i cannot

if whispers
could siphon off
even an ounce
of the love
you made me felt
i'd ramble
into the night

till first light
graced my face
and the sky
was lit up

washing machine
twirly whirly whirring
mechanical purring
drown my eyes
watching the water pouring

aw man
that's the only problem
when you actually ask
inside, i'm obliged
to answer honestly

i don't want to worry you
i will be okay

i know there's something wrong with me
whatever
there's something amiss with everyone
but everyone leaves
so maybe
i'm just unlovable
voice it, to scrutiny
i get none of you say how you really feel
but i do
doesn't that count for something

None of you made us.
None of these brands or industries
Who do not pay their fair share
And move the country in negative directions, have
Bearing on who you are.
Who you say you are,
What you want to be or do.
None of these businesses
That keep you down on the totem pole
And do not hire their own
For higher up positions.
Who do not increase salary to match
Our cost of living.
Those that don't pay a fair share to you,
Because they in turn
Are robbed at the grocery store.
They are influencing you.
But you made you, influence
What you will try to.
Destiny is mine to write,
And I intend to

yuppie ****
think you're an intellectual
cause you say a few fanciful words
recite a few blurbs
of things you misheard
smarter men speak
you wreak
pathetic and weak
and you can barely stand
to look me in the eye
i see right through you
this is no position
you're suited to

some very sorry people
roam this earth
aimless, blind
theirs faces marked
with an ugly scowl
thoughtless, in binds
chained to their feelings
imprisoned by their mind
consumed with what's hidden inside

we need to take
better care of one another
i have no brothers
just a sister and a father
but what about
those with neither
those with no one
who looks out for them
when they fall
never more graceful
than a feather
some get up
some never

prone to self righteousness
stubborn headed
and an indecisive *****

i wanna be a leader
hero complex
riding in lacking context

search through the catalogue
and scan the index
find the best and onto the next

keep the heart close
cause rest isn't for the wicked
no shut eye to begin with

i'm beginning
to believe i lost
who am i

when i began
i was sure i knew
but things never go to plan

i guess i got a problem
being on
my own lately
hate me

these talks
stalling to reorganize
digging themselves in
time to strategize
lick wounds
recoup
wipe the tears
placing pennies on eyes

******* old man
with the way you talk
you're lucky i don't smack you
in your **** mouth
with my backhand
god i'd like to lunge at you
and knock you off the ivory tower
from which you stand
so proudly
pathetic as you are
and cowardly
i pray for the day you fall

what do you hide
does it eat away at you while we talk
i guess, inside
it bubbles till it boils
and you explode
cause you treat us the same
every person from every walk,
held at a distance,
where you can safely gawk
so as not to fill you full of shrapnel
see wounds wrought
but it's really himself he protects
a child's son
the runt

if they're the right person
there are no missed moments
they make the moment
take it
and don't bemoan it;

what might've been

the same people
who denied the science for decades
now scramble to solve a problem,
at the very last moment,
they let propagate
profligates
false prophets of civility
who take and erase
any knowledge
of their wrongdoing
can't deny the world around you
changing

another version of me
another version of you
what's real
i don't know
death is fine
give me mine
nothing is as it appears
walk away

**** the heart and
You leave life to the vicious realm of fact.
And now quietly, bias builds
Behind a calculated mask.
Speak your minds, and fast.
Before you lose all ability to affect any real large change.
You will be charged, regardless
Of if you said anything.
So don't say the words of other fools
Who know not even their best interest.
Talk amongst yourselves and
Find the common ground.
That is democracy's politics

I'm an open book
you're a closed in castle
i give you the key to each passage
but it doesn't matter
to you
I'm another *******
i bang on the gates
but each assault is a wash
and diplomacy doesn't work any better

your friends are pathetic
like my friends are pathetic
and petty
like you and i
are
we going to lie to ourselves
trick each other into believing
either one is at fault
us together doesn't work
like that
you humiliate me and make me feel less than
tear into me and get your fill
you always have
hungrier still
again, more
finish me off
dive in for the ****
i didn't mean to take up all your sweet time
give it back to you one of these days
in the meantime, you can find mine
while you wait