i've taken pictures all my life
a stolen moment in time
we reminisce about those days
when everything just felt right

i've taken pictures all my life
i've taken one today
i wonder how this one will be remembered
some moments are meant to be forgotten

i am lost
i sit on the hood of my car
staring out to the open ocean
nothing to see but the horizon
a spot miles away
the waves rise and fall
crash like thunder
and then the calm

there is a spot miles away
my mind drifts there when i need it
to reset
to restart
to re-center
i wish i could live there always
peacefully

you will always stay with me
from the swings in mood you could never understand
to the depths of the deepest darkness
the heights of joy
the playful smiles
you were the light that never went out
until it did

and just like that
you stole my heart
like a thief in the shadows
a daring daylight capper

but you didn't steal it for love
when we ended you left me with nothing
not even a sliver to share with someone else
just a cavern never to be filled again

and just like that
you stole my heart
you made it so
id never love again

i was always told that god would be there for me
god is there if i need change
god will never turn his back on me
...
god may be taking the year off

i didn't cause these issues
they were always right there
before my time
i was just in the wrong place
when you decided to act on them

the right was fine
a slight light pinch
and then it was gone
the left has been stinging for hours
i won't sleep tonight
why do i do this?

i can't hold you anymore
the smoke has cleared but the damage remains
if i broke both my hands
id still reach out for you
but i fear in this moment
id be grasping the air

this man is playing drums on youtube
RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS - DANI CALIFORNIA
i'm transfixed
i'm watching a man play drums on youtube
190,000 views since it was uploaded
TODAY?!
this man is playing dumms
he's passionate
making a living
this man is playing drums on youtube
this man is the will never work a day in his life
this man is free

you can never turn back the hands of time
but rejoice in the fact that the future is blind

before you forget what is meant to be sane
wont you tilt your head back and pick up that same blade
do you still miss the way the sun felt on your face?
of abandoned it all for a meaningless taste
the scars on your wrist that you try hard to hid
tell the story of someone's whos had a hard life
will you learn from mistakes that life has thrown you by
or ignore the lit path and sleep now as you cry

you still pick at the scabs the blade has made
pencil in your though on your face
i can still feel you underneath my skin
you're lost and scared to let me in

you've abandoned all your beliefs
the relief you felt when you go to sleep
within your mind you cannot find
the point of sanity has gone blind

and all the rest just lay in bed
when you leave this place these walls will rest
oh be grateful
your time is all but spent

keep your head up kid
you're late, but you made it anyways

would you give me a moment
to redefine my train of though
would you give me just a single moment
to gain control, i've had enough
before we loose touch with reality
and we start living make believe
wont you give me time to breath?
when all else feels out of place
and happiness does not exist
remember me

where do you go to lay your head and cry
where do you feel safe enough to bare your soul
and never question why
there are many places in my mind where i can feel the greatest joy
i hope there are place in your mind
or you can come and share in some of mine

i was too young to care
i'm old enough now to never forget
i miss you

they say to delete social media from our phones
i threw out the phone today
no one needs be reached at all times
i'm free of my leash

i'm having conversations with myself
does the voice inside my head have my best interests at heart
i feel i'm always fighting an uphill battle
and that voice is bringing me down

what is that voice?
is it me?
am i arguing with myself?
is it...are you?

i feel the divide
its not speaking now but when it does i cant control it
it must not be
me

and what of him
in heated conversations he does stop debating at some points
is he conversing with someone else?
who does he consult with?

is someone else in there?!

he's quiet now
the both are
they all are?

you've ask me to pray with you
but your god isn't listening
look around
we, make our own fortunes
we, carve our own paths
we, sleep in the beds we've made
we, dig our own graves

show me
show me you're wonderful
we've argued till our vocals fry
but haven't moved forward

i picture your immaculate
radiating power
a sight to behold and hold forever
but my minds eye lies to me

i wish
i wish i could yell at you
to tear it off the bone
but it would be too polite

we use to play
but now i'm stalked as pray
and with every hopeful vibe
the pressure rises

you'll tear me down again
as you'll grin through your modesty
i find myself loosing every hand
i've lost what i've never had

why must you focus on my weakness
the smallest part of me
this is why i stay away from ones like you
who see depression in innocence's
and always question when things don't go their way

just smile and fake it

i watched you burn
pathetic fool when will you learn
this life isn't catered just for you
isn't that a shame

open the front door to your freedoms
a step away but always out of reach
you were only meant to believe you could grasp at nothing
and produce something of yourself

intelligence visits those with the patience to lend their ears
its only fitting you should know you'll never make it out of here
to reconnect on a level of trust, impossible
so far away from mending a broken soul
as you cry over the parts you have sold
this path you've chosen isn't set in stone

this world is never what it seems
even for fucken drama queens
who live their lives like storybooks
but in the end they always look
the other side so welcoming
tricked into giving up their dreams
and all they'll have to sells their soul
can keep their minds its full of holes

i find myself alone today
i can plan my day how i see fit
a rarity these days
but i wont get anything accomplished

i'll just float downstream
the slow current takes me to where i need to be
nothing planned in advance
i'll end up where i'm needed

but today its not a stream
but a calming peaceful lake
i'm alone here too
ill float in place

i guess no one need me

its hard to get my mornings started
but mondays are mondays
and and my brain know it
so ill pretend its a tuesday
even though i have mondays off

if you want customer service and a fake smile
go to mcdonalds

nice guys finish last
its the polite thing to do

all the links in my chain
are the weakest

close your eyes
breath
its the only way you'll truly be
in a place that's solely yours

this is therapy

i couldn't find my phone today
i could have made its whereabouts known with a simple ring
but i left the house anyways
i've unintentionally disconnected

what a great day

as the day comes to an end
i never feel more at peace
than the moment right before i fall asleep
to never wake up would be the greatest release

i wish i could have enjoyed the best day of my life
we drove a million miles to find
the smiles that kept us safe and sound
weren't where we left them

the further we drive together
the more i feel i'm driving away from you
the new devils revel in the anxiety forming
they know what's coming

and as much as id hate to admit it
so do i

remember the past
live it, revel in it
glorify those memories
embellish, just a little

it'll never get any better

if you were to meet god
what would be your first question?
akin to when i was just a boy
i only cared to ask
what's your favorite color?

these writings are nothing more
than the polite ramblings of an educated mad man
one not to be listened to

the skeletons in my closet laugh at me
they've been there for years
to say they know all my secrets is an understatement
they can destroy me

i can keep them quiet
i've build so many rooms in my mind
some don't even know of the others exist
its a real mess

but sometimes, i visit
to see them makes them real
makes me remember that gut-wrenching
the days of tears that follow

they are my sentence and my salvation
they are the blood in my veins
the thoughts in my mind
they are who i am and who i'll continue to become

tonight i feel like celebrating
i feel like letting down my guard
if only for a little while
...
that was fast

for this moment
this precious amount of time that we allow ourselves
let us reminisce and reconnect
forget about the years we've spent apart

that was yesterday
and will be again tomorrow
days, months, years after that
the same old routine

but for now
we're here
present
cheers

id much rather drown you out with silence
than engage in a yelling battle i would surely lose

in my dreams
i'm walking this abandoned railway
deep between towns
not a man made sound to be heard

listen

the wild is just as wild as the wilderness provides
out here, beauty and horror
balanced
this railway my only guidance

i step away
leave the railway behind
join the wild
how romantic it seems

i wouldn't last a week

ill wake up now
and wonder what would be
coffee
i'm late for work

how romantic

kaleidoscopic patterns do nothing for me
you see complex patterns of color
a marvel to stare at from every corner
i see anxiety

i see its time to leave

what is my truth?
i have no true colors
i'm a shapeshifter
i'm everyone

i'm standing right beside you
smiling
i mean it
but i don't really

i'm anyone i need to be

go ahead
pick up your rocks
aim for my head
pray you have luck

go ahead
cast me aside
convince yourself
you have nothing to hide

i wish that i could be like you
i wish that i could see behind their eyes inside their minds
and label them with what i think i would find

i hate that i can hate like you do
i hate that i can label without any thing to prove
i hate that i've become like one of you

never have i been more ashamed
of how i treaded you that day
i spoke before my mind could stop my though from ever being recognized
i'm a complete wreck for you
i'm a complete mess for you

wake me when my time has come
i cannot breath anymore
to take my place among the rest of the clones
wake me when my time has come
i cannot take this anymore
this life i've been dealt hold more pain than has ever before

so smile for me
to show me
your happy in your own skin
so smile for me
and i will see
your star shining so brightly
the only thing ill ever need
is your star shine smile for me
and all the rest comes in between
the love that you share with me

will you look ahead and move forward
or stand still and watch it all just pass you by
your greatest fear
is what your future may hold for you
but don't you worry
in time everything falls into place
so hold your head up high
you're late but you made it anyways

picture yourself all alone
would you have the strength to ask for my help?
where's your life heading?
no one knows if you'll make it there
or ever make it back
look around
this isn't at all
where you wanted to be