the distraction isn't working anymore
time fly's when you're having fun
but when minuets feel like hours
the years are an eternity

infinity, scary

lets face it
at this point it is what it is
the story is written and buried deep
the final draft summited
a life: published with no revisions

when i was a teenager
i knew i would live forever
now
i sit here writing poetry

i sit here writing poetry

the music
soul speakng
is covered by new bands
covering the classics

covering the classics

reactions to the classics
by uneducated streamers
covering the classics

i don't like balconies
i'm not depressed but, suicidal, when standing on a balcony
so i step back in
distance helps

but the option remains
among this gleeful group of people
behind an easily slid glass door
and i can see through it

overly gleeful

am i not as good as them at pretending?
another failure for the list
schizophrenic terrorist
they're not pretending

i don't like balconies
i'm not depressed but, suicidal, when standing on a balcony

life's intricate tapestry
where joy and sorrow entwine
there exists the most delicate of dichotomy's
where the lines between weddings and funerals blur
as our hearts dance on a thin thread of emotions

weddings and funerals
joys and sorrows
love blooms
tears follow

celebrated
remembered
life's essence
love amidst tragedy

its midnight again and i've been staring at the darkness
the same thing like every night before
i come downstairs with every intention of starting
but why bother if its never worked before

the volume inside my head is astounding
as i sit in the quietest of rooms
i can't help myself from sabotaging everything
i can't help it, im a fool

its been years
the groundhogs day of thoughts race through my head
i come downstairs with the best of intentions
i can't help myself from sabotaging everything

i can't help it

I won't ask again
the night sky starts to blend into the daylight
the worlds on the mend
as sirens ring out their own conclusions

no one cares
as much as they try to lie about it

i wont ask again
are we humanity's greatest villian?
with eyes wide open we all lie while smiling
and pick at scabs that's started scarring

i can hear a faint alarm in the distance
and a clapping at a wedding by a pool
the faded sound of the moment, fantastic
as airplanes carry humans kissing the night sky

likes for likes
in search of worth
a temporary smile
lost to the scroll

likes sought, souls forgot
virtual worth, shallow plot
truth in connections, happiness can be real
likes fade, authenticity's zeal

virtual world
worth is sold
souls pursues likes
heart grows cold
authenticity fades
masks become norm
connection lost
amidst the swarm

death forgotten timeless trees
as winged spirits take their final fly
the trees still reach into the sky
still reach into the darkness of the infinite

high atop immortal pines
where birds go to die
in whispers, their songs fill the night
a sacred resting place, one last time

secrets hidden in the over growth
a single feather rest
never to take flight again
A realm unseen by mortal eye,
where birds go to die

cut the death branches
prune the over growth
dig deep, the roots need attention
clear away the rot
take a breath
and another
and another
hold
a little forced smile
it'll come naturally next time

in dreams where fires ignite
twice the height, our souls take to the skies
boundless, where the randomness of stars align
unveiling deity's design

soar towards the fading light
twice the height, dreams ignite

whispers bread secrets
unveiling souls' depths
light still exists in the darkest of corners
connecting life's breath

whispers divulge clandestine lore
unveiling depths we can't ignore
amidst shadows, they softly glide
weaving tales where secrets hide

in loss's shadow
hear whispers of sorrow
love mends hearts
beautiful shattered parts

Forty years, drinks in hand,
Cheers to life, a wild demand.
Reflections swirl, memories unfold,
A drunken toast, turning bold.

In the depths of despair, forty years unfold,
A somber reminder, a story untold.
Drunk and desolate, lost in the night,
A bleak existence, devoid of light.

At forty
burdened by sorrow's weight,
Innocence fades, tears permeate.

Hope whispers, a gentle embrace,
Guiding you through life's somber space.

Title

224am
father of 2
I've questioned my motives
but I've not yet answered them

I've looked around
oh have I looked around
At the other father who give a ****
I'm not special

yet I feel as though the other father miss out
too strict, by the book
whose book
WHOS BOOK

**** THE BOOK

my kids are happy
id like to think
the book is burnt
LONG LIVE THE KING

Fluttering butterfly, delicate and light,
In its grace, victory takes flight.
I reach out, but it slips away,
Defeated, I watch it fade astray.

ive been trying to **** the fly
the one that bites
the one that leave a mark
that ******

its been an hour
attracted to the glow of the screen
I've yet to end it
I've tried, oh have I tried

there was a night when i was young
where its ancestor woke me
i did not sleep that night of nights
till i killed thy

and here we are once again
A humid springish nighty
twenty twenty three in May
ill let you live tonight

Mind adrift, thoughts untwine,
Sanity fades
I lose my mind

or do I

What is lost can be found
but finding madness is never a simple task

wretch

I've absolved myself

Saint

is that how its works?
its that easy

ask for forgiveness and all is forgiven
is it not?

Saint
All is forgiven

and forth i walk
and carry thy
one path one track one footprint

Jesus is no where to be found
it is me
it is I that carry's thy

Have you ever looked upon your hand
in the midst of midnights gloom
the marks upon do tell the tale
of a life once lived and bloomed

Bloomed, the wrinkles do shatter the fantasy
they tell the tale of rot
the midnight sun does shines upon
the many lies of those your brought

Mind unraveled, thoughts astray,
Losing myself in disarray.
In chaos, sparks of brilliance
ignite
Madness unveils creative light.

Lost, I wander, paths unknown,
Seeking solace, yet feeling alone.
Uncertain
For in being lost, I'll discover myself

Let it be known
I am nothing if not persistent
a parasite affixed
i will not fail

but i will fail
and leave behind a trail of destruction
that only the world will fear
i have not yet taken the time to reminded myself that this is the way i function.

a liar in sheep's clothing

Loss cuts deep, shadows descend,
Tears fall, hearts ache, wounds never mend.
Yet love remains, a flicker of grace,
Guiding us through life's relentless chase.

Save me
I have not yet found the way
but the way is set in permanence
Help me on my way

In this city
shattered dreams
we walk alone
a place to call our own
words echo
As we navigate life

Oh, your melodies inspire
a sanctuary in the night
the echoes of our our guiding light
Oh, your melodies frighten
a sanctuary in the night
the echoes of our our guiding light

Through the wreckage of our broken dreams, we rise
Finding strength in the depths of our own demise
confront the darkness within
Waving tales of struggle
redemption, and sin

Through the highs and lows, we navigate this life
we find solace in the strife
resonate with the battles we face
discover our own sacred space

lost with nowhere left to go
wrote a note but failed
oh what a mess
thought it could end with one button press
maybe there's a reason I've been denied

still lost
beat down soul
the rattle in my hand
woke up in a hospital bed
with doctors and loved ones around my head

crooked smiles
failed again

a generation lived
a generation remembered
a generation all but forgotten
a generation of photo-less family tree entries

the road turns slightly up ahead
then forks
i've taken the wrong path many times before
i've convinced myself over the years
that there is no "right" way
just my way
no matter how wrong that way is

the bumblebee stares
sometime i get high and it speaks to me
but it never has anything positive to say
badgering me to fold into myself
introspection can be valuable
but its value is subjective
it smiles with its eyes wide
taking in the room
ill go now, i'm nodding off
good night bumblebee
till tomorrows night

there it is
that shine
a sign it will be a great day
fingers crossed

you cannot obtain it
you've tried
you can't
your tears form new lines on your face
the wheels still spin
but you don't move forward
a shame
'so much potential'
words like knives on the tongue
'such a beautiful gift squandered '
some seconds of pity before moving on

i've become something new
brace yourselves
its a new day floating in space
feel the sunlight

this is not a public service announcement
this is not a cry for help
this is will cause a chain reaction
that circles back to end at my feet
i am not a real person
i am not real
this will change everything
this will change everything

you know what keeps me up at night
and what it takes to fall asleep
it angers you
i'm in control
i don't need your help
you hardly offer it these days
you still claim to be on my side
but tomorrow ill wake up to an empty home
as lullabies drift away

it isn't a race
but it is a competition

why mock someone willing to try
is it fear to be surpassed
or hate the willingness to try
no one ever said it would be easy
they also never said it was impossible

i'd say goodbye
but you've closed the door
i'm only in your pictures now
a wilted flower kept to remember

the horizon goes dark
the storm comes in
its rains washes the dirt
but the grime remains
behind your smile you lie
don't ask me what i think of you
you wont get the answer you desire
i can't be your gentleman

happy new year
and with it all its promises
to be broken

where are they
you know the ones
with smiles so tight it causes their face to crack
the pretty-evil
while others walk the razors edge
they've dulled it

i dream
from it i've drawn a shapeless being
colored outside the lines
i did not give it a mouth to speak
but i see its monsters grin

its stood in the backways
it though me how to lie
convinced me loneliness would be my only comfort
i listened
i feel fine

look at me
look me in they eyes
i am not your savior
you've confused our friendship
for something much more than what i can provide
and for that
i am truly sorry

wash my hands
wear my mask
eyes down
keep away

canceled parties
postponed weddings
crushed dreams
lost memories

lock the door
draw the blinds
netflix, are you still watching?
yes, stop asking

January first
a brand new day
who are we kidding
its only the beginning

i'm about to combine my hobby, passion and career into one
the job that keeps food on my table
my kids table
i'm horrified

good morning
skipping breakfast
and start the day
push till lunch
skipping lunch
grind till dinner
ill have dinner
end the day
half hour till liftoff
the best and saddest part of the day

i was a ghost back then
not by choice
i drifted with the shadows
they kept me safe and sane

looking back
i don't know how i did it
i don't know if i could do it again
i don't know if i could continue

when i left i decided to not be me
i haven't been me since
the shadows still follow
just in case

she speaks
ill keep her secret safe
it won't harm anyone until one day it does come out
it will be tragic but inevitable

for now, lips are sealed
a time capsule with no end date
the anticipation of a champagne cork taking flight
with a lot more tears

i'm not ok
even when i tell you i am