He loved me too until he found Someone else.
All he did was talk about her smile how it could light up the world.
How he wishes he could touch her body.
Acting like I wasn’t a foot way.
Wondering why I wasn’t good enough.
Why doesn’t he want this love anymore?
Why does he want me anymore.

I loved a boy,
I thought he loved me too.
He was the man of my dreams until I woke up to see it was someone else.
I loved a boy,
He never truly felt the same.
I thought maybe it was all in my head until I opened my eyes.
He was in love with a girl,
That is a thing I will never be.

Dear Kristina,
our mom will no longer see me in a wedding dress and walking down the ally.
I will no longer wear bikini’s on the beach but hide my body under a coat of sadness.
Hoping that one day I can walk without a shirt on and show off my scars.
The day I get those scars will be a day of victory.
I will never hear my kids call me mom.
They will never see me face depression from hiding Lake from the world. I know this battle may lose family
I would lose them than she’d bleed.
I tried to keep inside for so long but the longer I did that the closer I got to death.
The way a suit makes me cry of joy instead of a dress of shame.
I learned to fake it trying on my dad's suit when he wasn’t home.
Too embarrassed to be seen didn’t want to be the disappointed daughter.
Heres the thing I’m not his daughter anymore.
That shipped sailed after finding out I can hide my chest from the world.
Learning how to tie ties from youtube and being so proud of my self.
That day I wanted to cry of joy, I’m not mad it took 19 years to find this out but glad it came at all.
Just to say I finally did it aren’t you proud mom. I’m happy now the day finally came.

From lake cell- the better you.

Why did he stop caring for me?
I was told every day that it would never fade.
The day it stopped was the day I never looked at him the same.
Why did he break the one promise he ever told.
I thought I was enough until I heard the way he talked about his “friend.”
His smile got more extensive, and his stories kept changing.
I never made him pick, but if I did, I know who he would choose.
Why was she better than me?

a girl stayed home waiting for a person that didn't show.
He went out and forgot she even existed.
She was known as the girl who Wasted another night, while he had unforgettable moments.

She didn’t know that this would be her last words.
She didn’t think kissing her boyfriend would be her goodbye.
The world didn’t give her a fear chance.
Instead of crying so put on a smile
The smile masked her so well no one could see hind it.
Little did they know she stayed up all night wishing to be gone.
Writing letters all night long
Putting them under the bed not be found.
She tried to fight but let go
No one knew why the happy girl was gone

I'm falling hard,
I hope he is there to catch me.
He leaves me speechless,
My heart starts to race.
My smile can't hide when he's in the room.
I feel like I'm dreaming when he looks over.
If this falling I hope I never stop.

The words replay in my head.
Making me sick every time I hear your voice.
I wasted my time on her while she just pushed me down.
She laughed when I cried, thinking I wouldn’t find anyone better.
When I got stronger, she blamed it all on me.
I thought she was right for too long.

I can't get enough even if I try.
I always want to know more about her.
It's like having a friend that has secrets and all you're dying to know it.
I'm afraid one day she is going to say that I'm too much.
That I'm annoying her with all my messages.
I guess I never had someone like her in my life.
Someone that is there all the time and won't hesitate to fight your demons.
I hope she knows I would do the same

I used to be afraid of the unknown,
Never knowing who will leave at the first sign of darkness.
Scared, the man I set my heart on would slowly have enough.
I used to be afraid of hurting those close to me,
Now I let them in at the times when it's the most important.
I'm not afraid of the future,
only shutting those who I love.

I gave her my heart over and over.
Hoping that nothing bad would happen.
Not thinking of how everything can go away in seconds.
My heart was pulled out my chest and stepped on with no regret.
I gave her my heart over and over,
Hoping it would be my last time.
Not knowing my heart would be damaged for ever.

I give up.
I'm done trying to make you happy.
I hope you know.
I don't understand why I want your approval.
For once, I want you to call me your son.
Why do I waste my tears on you?
I thought maybe you would reach out.
If you asked me why I'm doing this, I would tell my story.
I would say I don't like my chest,
that I hated looking in the mirror.
The goal was not to destroy the little relationship I still had with you.

I fear for the day the text stops coming in.
I hope you say goodbye this time or maybe it's a see you later.
Maybe it's a replay of the last time you thought I stopped caring.
Trust me, I will never stop caring for you.
No matter the days or months that go by.
I will never stop checking my phone, hoping to miss a message.
Even if it just says I need time away.
Then I shall wait until you're ready to return to the phone.

Sit still,
Listen closely.
Try hard not to be heard or seen.
Instead, wait for the appropriate time to explain how your body isn't your body.
Left your right arm and watch it drop.
Move it fast in front of your eyes to double-check that you are, in fact, not ok.
Sit back down and hope it passes faster this time.
When it's over,
Know it's never really ever going to be over.

I miss it all.
The hellos the goodbyes.
I miss
Him saying I will never leave you that turned into please don’t call me again.
I miss hearing his voice.
I wish this was a nightmare that I could wake up from.
I miss him.

I loved him I really did,
I thought what he showed me was everything I ever needed.
Until I opened my eyes and was back in reality,
Begging for a text back, but it never came.
I made excuses for him thinking it would change when summer hit.
I loved him I really did,
Hoping one day, he would turn into my perfect man.
I wished I never went back to reality because now I’m heartbroken.
Now I want to start all over with someone new.
I loved him until I saw how much I really meant to him.
How could he love me when he acted this way?

Her voice sounds like I'm finally home.
The way I feel myself is a gift I don't want to lose.
I'm falling for a girl that doesn't know my whole story.
I wish I could give her all my dreams.
The way I don't want to lose you is hurting my soul.
I wish I didn't want you like this.

I thought I was finally happy until I opened my eyes and realized I was only In a daydream.

Trauma is funny like that…
The best jokes come from it,
Hiding the pain that lives underneath the laughs.
Trying hard to remember the lost childhood,
Wondering why it's so blurry.
Trauma is funny like that...
It's a wild card that will come out at any time.
Giving us endless stories to tell,
Hoping not to scare anyone off all the damage.

Nothing.
Thats what I thought I had before.
Sadly I had pain and sadness instead. I used to wish for the feeling of nothing to get a break from the screaming in my head.
The screaming of seeing pictures of horror and finally the sense of freedom when it would stop.
The screaming only got stronger when it knew it could control me.
I would fight hard, but nothing could have saved me from the darkness.
Finally, a fairy came to me said, close your eyes and count to three.
I opened it and finally, I was back in bed where this all became.
I learned not to go into battle alone.
I still get the nightmares of that day.

The lost love,
Hidden between secret friend's ships.
Holding on to the memories before it turns into long-lost tales.
Before her heart is gone forever, Always remember my love will never fade.
In the end, my heart was made for you.

I wish I could control it.
Not wanting to cry over the little things hoping it will go away.
When will it stop telling me things on repeat.
I tried to listen to the good in life but it's hard when the darkness is screaming in your ears.
Not wanting to burden anyone with my issues but trying to tell the truth at the same time.
Everyone telling me it will be ok and we aren't leaving.
How can I believe all the words when my mind wants to say the opposite.
Do I believe them or my broken mind.
Maybe I don't want to believe it's broken.
Maybe one day my pills will stop this all.
Or maybe I can stop it all.

I never thought someone had this in them to tear one's heart this badly.
My body is still healing after years of broken promises and empty emotions.
He treated me like I was special,
Only to be thrown out moments later.
I never thought I would regret loving someone until I met them.
Thoughts run through my head until I get high enough for them to disappear.
The dreams I had turned into dust when his hand touched my lonely heart.

The one who will be there at midnight,
To watch over your shoulder.
The one who sings when the day gets dark,
Laughs until there is nothing to be sad about.
Listens for hours no matter what is going on.
Stays through the storms,
Brings an umbrella when it starts to pour.

The pretty girl
I’m too scared to get close,
She can leave me any day.
I have been told don’t be afraid it will be ok.
Everyone else I liked left me why would she be any different.
I like the all nighters hoping tomorrow I get to see her again.
What if I wake up and this all a dream?
What if the fairytale girl isn’t real...
No here it comes the next saying she doesn’t want me.
I was always ready for this.

He was my first love,
My first heartbreak.
The only person who could hurt me worse than my self.
He also loved me more than anyone else could.
He was the voice of reason but also brutal.
I gave him everything to be thrown out with nothing.
The worlds I love you forever replay in my head when sitting alone at night.
How could someone love you that much and regret meeting the next??

I know what she said.
I could see it in her eyes, and I know she meant it.
Trust me.
I won't hurt you.
I will never leave.
I've been through it all before.
I lost my love to a dark battle,
I never them the same Again.
I saw the blood in there eyes,
When they looked at me.
The thought of Betrayal hits me every day.
I wonder would it be better if I never came back?

I’m sorry you love me,
Still learning how to accept this.
I fear what love can do to a couple.
Promise me no matter what, you’ll never use my love against me.

Two star cross lovers meet at the wrong time.
The world split them up but their love last for ages.
They meet new people but dream of the memories that stayed.
Until one day they meet again and realize that too much time has past.
It took them half there lives but finally found their happy endings even if it wasn't with each other.

He never loved anyone like his first love.
Plays girls not to be broken again,
Which means hurting everyone to save himself.
Tells girls he likes them then Throws it all away after a hook up.
He see's nothing wrong with what he's doing not understand how many girls hearts are hurting each night.
His smile hides the truth,
The tears that happen the next day revalue what was missing.
Here comes the new girl that won't know what's coming her way

Love has two sides,
The sweet, dreamy, and storytelling.
Or the evil that hides between every forced smile holding back treats, hoping no one around them notices their pain.
Growing up, I saw both sides.
Hoping one day I will find my long-lost prince.
Slightly feared the other type would find its way to me.
Love has two sides, one we all dream of or the nightmare we fear.

I fell in love with the pain.
The memories replay in my head over and over.
It feels so nice when I want to replay it.
Remembering all the little details.
Wishing I could do it now but no one understands.
I fell in love with the blade.
Wanting more of the pain to happen even with a smile on my face.
Hoping no one would notice when my long sleeves come back.
Now I’m two months clean still thinking of last time.
Hoping the memory will be enough this time.
Not wanting to start over but not willing to fight it.

Sometimes I can't breathe.
Somedays I feel myself getting dragged underwater.
The other part of me watches and laughs.
I try to make it back to the surface but I can't hold on to anything.
Sometimes I can't breathe under all these thoughts.
Some days I feel too heavy to fight.
At some point, I stopped caring.

If only he understood how hard it is not to Relapse,
To Ignore the buzzing in my head that screams at night.
If only he could see the fear behind the smiles,
the Numbness after all Images go through my mind.
One day it won't affect me,
But today, I hope for a second chance.

If I gave her my heart will she drop it?
I just put it back together.
Afraid of the future knowing it always gets worse.
How many more heartbreaks until the pain stops?
I want to be free I already ran out of tissues but
Still have more tears to give.
My heart still aches but wants to move on,
I want to be first for once.

I love you.
I often said the words, but I still got the same nervousness as the first time.
Wondering if one day the word will mean something, Different then, I see your life mixed in with mine.
If this were a book, I would read it every night until all the words were memorized front to back.
I hope this is my last beginning to a forever person.
I love you until I find a word only meant for us.

I think of him.
Waiting for a second chance to prove I wasn't a waste of memories.
I close my eyes hoping to run into him.
All I hear is it's time for me to go.
My heart Shutters all over again.
I think of him before feeling kicks in.
Before everything changed.

I'm still mad.
I wanted you to call me your son.
I was hoping you would finally come around.
I thought I would be the son you always wanted.
Instead, you call me your daughter when I'm not that anymore.
How can you not see how much you have hurt me?
Why can't I be good enough to be loved for being myself?
You said you love all your children, But does that include me?

Hold me tight; please don’t ever let me go.
Tell me stories while I fall asleep on you.
Let me love you until my love runs out.
There may only be a few moments while were together until it’s time to leave again.
I will cherish every second of every minute spent together.
Let me love you until your heart can’t take it anymore.

He's scared of letting go,
She helped him believe again.
She didn't have a family,
He became her missing piece.

Fly high
I miss you everyday, wondering when I will wake up from this nightmare.
I replay memories in my head of us together.
The walks that made me smile,
Make me cry instead.
I try to think of the good times but the saddens takes over.
My heart is broken but healing slowly.
I know you are watching me from above.
I know when it snows it’s you saying hi

I’m sorry
I’m sorry I can’t be the perfect daughter because I’m not a girl.
I want to make you happy, but I’m slowly dying.
My mind keeps putting up a fight
I keep getting weaker.
I don’t want to fight with my self anymore
Why can’t I just shut up??
I want it to stop!
I want to be happy with our feeling scared!
But I can’t and I won’t
This is my new life.
I’m sorry for Changing, but I need to live.

Sometimes I feel unheard,
That my life doesn’t matter as much.
I look around the room and wonder if anyone feels the same.
I’m afraid to ask the question out loud, not wanting to get all the looks of Judgment
I go home and cry in my bed wondering if I made the right choice of making it to twenty three.
How can I keep on going with all this pain?
Why can’t I just say goodbye for one last time?
I tell myself that I can't leave her behind without a brother.

Hello
What was it?
Was I too nice and caring?
I tried to love him
But it wasn’t enough.
He thinks I’m going to come back.
My heart broke in two waiting for him to want me back.
I thought I didn’t deserves happiness but my mind was clouded with his words,
My Lungs were filled with hate
Now I found the light.

Wind
It's soft but mysterious like everyone I know.
It's the sound of storms coming to an end or just beginning.
It's the warning of leave now or waits until hell comes.
I love storms. I think it all started when I was watching it with my older sister.
We would sit on the couches and look at the windows for almost an hour.
That was all before I knew how bad storms could get.
The fighting/ the yelling. The wishing to be in another place type of storm.
When I finally hear the soft sounds, I know it's finally over.
I leave my room and look out to see what the storm has destroyed.
Usually, it's only a few tears are gone,
On bad days the whole town is scared of living there homes.
Not wanting to pick up the pieces.
I wonder when I stop loving looking out the window.
I wonder why storms started to get so bad.
I remember this one night I was still a kid, and the biggest storm I ever saw happen.
All the things I loved got washed away, and then I knew it was time to grow up.
I kept waiting and waiting for the sound of the wind to come by.
But it ever came. All I could hear was the raindrops hitting every crack in the house.
The lighting was getting bigger than cars at this point.
I hid in my room and just waited for the sun to shine again.
It felt like days passed when I Could see the flowers blowing in the wind.
I still think back to this day and wonder why it took so long to pass.
No one remembers these days, so was it all to make them believe?
Was my mind trying to hide me from reality?
Maybe something happened that was worse than the storm in my head.
I look around and hope that the sky stays clear.
Once in a while, when I visit my old town, I can still hear the wind blowing.
Either tell me happiness is coming or run far away and don't look back.

I missed you.
Then all the memories came rushing through my head.
I realized I only missed the thought of you.
When you came back all the hate I forgot about was there again.
I missed you.
Then I remember how much pain you leave behind.
I realized I only wanted what I didn't have.

I'm falling more each day, wishing I would stop.
I know love comes with battles,
That leaves scars Instead of kisses.
I grow up dreading love knowing how it can break someone.
I never want to heart fall in love because that turns into hate.
Should I put back up my walls before it's too late?

They are sleeping next to me.
I feel safe but my mind doesn't trust it.
It tells me do more harm than good.
With you deep down I know I'm safe and you know that to.
Even if everything else around us doesn't make sense.
They are sleeping next to me but my mind doesn't trust it.
Letting horror movies play in my head about the ones that I love.
Making me feel crazy for loving them more and more.
Maybe my mind isn't used to this feeling and is trying to make me safe.
I don't want to safe I just want to live in the moment.

Summer nights bring moments that we will never forget.
Laughs that will stay with us while the worlds move ons.
No one will forget when the car was filled with smiles and empty cans of soda.
Hoping to stay frozen for a while,
Getting dropped off a second later.
Wishing we can do it all again tomorrow,
Missing summer days when school comes around.

I told her I love you all over again.
She said I loved you then.
My heart broke,
Who knew adding one letter to a word could cause such pain.
I said my love won't fade,
She said mine already did.
I told her I love you,
She said my love turned to loved the day you left.