I loved a boy,
I thought he loved me too.
He was the man of my dreams until I woke up to see it was someone else.
I loved a boy,
He never truly felt the same.
I thought maybe it was all in my head until I opened my eyes.
He was in love with a girl,
That is a thing I will never be.

I love you.
I often said the words, but I still got the same nervousness as the first time.
Wondering if one day the word will mean something, Different then, I see your life mixed in with mine.
If this were a book, I would read it every night until all the words were memorized front to back.
I hope this is my last beginning to a forever person.
I love you until I find a word only meant for us.

If only he understood how hard it is not to Relapse,
To Ignore the buzzing in my head that screams at night.
If only he could see the fear behind the smiles,
the Numbness after all Images go through my mind.
One day it won't affect me,
But today, I hope for a second chance.

Why did he stop caring for me?
I was told every day that it would never fade.
The day it stopped was the day I never looked at him the same.
Why did he break the one promise he ever told.
I thought I was enough until I heard the way he talked about his “friend.”
His smile got more extensive, and his stories kept changing.
I never made him pick, but if I did, I know who he would choose.
Why was she better than me?

I give up.
I'm done trying to make you happy.
I hope you know.
I don't understand why I want your approval.
For once, I want you to call me your son.
Why do I waste my tears on you?
I thought maybe you would reach out.
If you asked me why I'm doing this, I would tell my story.
I would say I don't like my chest,
that I hated looking in the mirror.
The goal was not to destroy the little relationship I still had with you.

Wind
It's soft but mysterious like everyone I know.
It's the sound of storms coming to an end or just beginning.
It's the warning of leave now or waits until hell comes.
I love storms. I think it all started when I was watching it with my older sister.
We would sit on the couches and look at the windows for almost an hour.
That was all before I knew how bad storms could get.
The fighting/ the yelling. The wishing to be in another place type of storm.
When I finally hear the soft sounds, I know it's finally over.
I leave my room and look out to see what the storm has destroyed.
Usually, it's only a few tears are gone,
On bad days the whole town is scared of living there homes.
Not wanting to pick up the pieces.
I wonder when I stop loving looking out the window.
I wonder why storms started to get so bad.
I remember this one night I was still a kid, and the biggest storm I ever saw happen.
All the things I loved got washed away, and then I knew it was time to grow up.
I kept waiting and waiting for the sound of the wind to come by.
But it ever came. All I could hear was the raindrops hitting every crack in the house.
The lighting was getting bigger than cars at this point.
I hid in my room and just waited for the sun to shine again.
It felt like days passed when I Could see the flowers blowing in the wind.
I still think back to this day and wonder why it took so long to pass.
No one remembers these days, so was it all to make them believe?
Was my mind trying to hide me from reality?
Maybe something happened that was worse than the storm in my head.
I look around and hope that the sky stays clear.
Once in a while, when I visit my old town, I can still hear the wind blowing.
Either tell me happiness is coming or run far away and don't look back.

When they start to scream, my body starts to freeze.
I go back to when I was fourteen, afraid to step in.
Tuning the music up to tune the yelling out,
Hoping it ends better than the last one.
In the present moment,
I beg for this to change.
I use my voice to stop this home from turning into a regular house.
They keep hoping one night; their love will grow.
Knowing the true love left right before this all started.

Hey to the pretty girl
Hey to the lonely boy waiting for someone to notice him.
Hey to the wannabe girls that are picking on the boy who justs friends.
Hi to the teacher who sits and does nothing but watches.
Hello to the boy that finally sits with the only boy instead of being mean.
I watch this all godown but who will be next.
This is school each day doing the same things until the cycle is ended.

Love has two sides,
The sweet, dreamy, and storytelling.
Or the evil that hides between every forced smile holding back treats, hoping no one around them notices their pain.
Growing up, I saw both sides.
Hoping one day I will find my long-lost prince.
Slightly feared the other type would find its way to me.
Love has two sides, one we all dream of or the nightmare we fear.

He's scared of letting go,
She helped him believe again.
She didn't have a family,
He became her missing piece.

Her voice sounds like I'm finally home.
The way I feel myself is a gift I don't want to lose.
I'm falling for a girl that doesn't know my whole story.
I wish I could give her all my dreams.
The way I don't want to lose you is hurting my soul.
I wish I didn't want you like this.

I never thought someone had this in them to tear one's heart this badly.
My body is still healing after years of broken promises and empty emotions.
He treated me like I was special,
Only to be thrown out moments later.
I never thought I would regret loving someone until I met them.
Thoughts run through my head until I get high enough for them to disappear.
The dreams I had turned into dust when his hand touched my lonely heart.

I'm falling more each day, wishing I would stop.
I know love comes with battles,
That leaves scars Instead of kisses.
I grow up dreading love knowing how it can break someone.
I never want to heart fall in love because that turns into hate.
Should I put back up my walls before it's too late?

I wish to hold her tight until the sun comes up.
I shall scream her name across the cities, love her until my love runs out.
I will show her the world one day at a time until we hit every city.
I will never stop giving her all my heart if she accepts it.
She is part of me that I can't get enough of, the person I want to wake up to every day.
She is everything I need.
If only she was still there when I opened my eyes.

I miss it all.
The hellos the goodbyes.
I miss
Him saying I will never leave you that turned into please don’t call me again.
I miss hearing his voice.
I wish this was a nightmare that I could wake up from.
I miss him.

I fear for the day the text stops coming in.
I hope you say goodbye this time or maybe it's a see you later.
Maybe it's a replay of the last time you thought I stopped caring.
Trust me, I will never stop caring for you.
No matter the days or months that go by.
I will never stop checking my phone, hoping to miss a message.
Even if it just says I need time away.
Then I shall wait until you're ready to return to the phone.

I thought I was finally happy until I opened my eyes and realized I was only In a daydream.

I know what she said.
I could see it in her eyes, and I know she meant it.
Trust me.
I won't hurt you.
I will never leave.
I've been through it all before.
I lost my love to a dark battle,
I never them the same Again.
I saw the blood in there eyes,
When they looked at me.
The thought of Betrayal hits me every day.
I wonder would it be better if I never came back?

I missed you.
Then all the memories came rushing through my head.
I realized I only missed the thought of you.
When you came back all the hate I forgot about was there again.
I missed you.
Then I remember how much pain you leave behind.
I realized I only wanted what I didn't have.

He was my first love,
My first heartbreak.
The only person who could hurt me worse than my self.
He also loved me more than anyone else could.
He was the voice of reason but also brutal.
I gave him everything to be thrown out with nothing.
The worlds I love you forever replay in my head when sitting alone at night.
How could someone love you that much and regret meeting the next??

They were together for a long time,
Both two scared to leave the other.
Wondering if love was supposed to feel this way.
Not wanting to come home to the other .
Hoping the feeling would change but it never did.
They thought they were soulmates and didn’t want to hurt the other.
Until one day when they realized that their heart broke more being together than being apart.

Please stay a little longer,
my heart isn't ready to fall apart.
Deep down you know we're meant to be, this can't be all in my head.
Give me one more chance, is what I want to say.
But you taught me not to fight for someone whose heart is already out the door.
Please stay a little longer, Before leaving my life without looking back.

I'm still mad.
I wanted you to call me your son.
I was hoping you would finally come around.
I thought I would be the son you always wanted.
Instead, you call me your daughter when I'm not that anymore.
How can you not see how much you have hurt me?
Why can't I be good enough to be loved for being myself?
You said you love all your children, But does that include me?

Sometimes I can't breathe.
Somedays I feel myself getting dragged underwater.
The other part of me watches and laughs.
I try to make it back to the surface but I can't hold on to anything.
Sometimes I can't breathe under all these thoughts.
Some days I feel too heavy to fight.
At some point, I stopped caring.

The lost love,
Hidden between secret friend's ships.
Holding on to the memories before it turns into long-lost tales.
Before her heart is gone forever, Always remember my love will never fade.
In the end, my heart was made for you.

It's going to be ok.
Don't worry too much.
There isnt much you can do but I know you will try your best.
Some days you will want to run away from your own mind.
Im here to tell you that you won't be able too.
You can't run away from the bad but you can try to stop it.
Take a pill and hope it doesn't make you want to sleep your day away.
At least if you're fast asleep then nothing will hurt you.
Do you choose to stay awake by yourself or drug yourself to sleep every night?

I’m sorry you love me,
Still learning how to accept this.
I fear what love can do to a couple.
Promise me no matter what, you’ll never use my love against me.

I'm trapped in a glass box.
Watching people smile while I'm pretending to be ok.
No one seems to notice,
All I want to do is break out.
It's looked down on to be different,
So I seat here in my glass box,
Too afraid to get out.

I'm falling hard,
I hope he is there to catch me.
He leaves me speechless,
My heart starts to race.
My smile can't hide when he's in the room.
I feel like I'm dreaming when he looks over.
If this falling I hope I never stop.

Hello
What was it?
Was I too nice and caring?
I tried to love him
But it wasn’t enough.
He thinks I’m going to come back.
My heart broke in two waiting for him to want me back.
I thought I didn’t deserves happiness but my mind was clouded with his words,
My Lungs were filled with hate
Now I found the light.

I told her I love you all over again.
She said I loved you then.
My heart broke,
Who knew adding one letter to a word could cause such pain.
I said my love won't fade,
She said mine already did.
I told her I love you,
She said my love turned to loved the day you left.

He's gone.
No more messages,
No more hellos or goodbyes.
The years together all disappeared
There was no fight to keep it alive.
One evening I said do you still care for me? there was no response.
He never reached out again and that was a lifetime ago.

When his hands are on mine, I slowly melt in the arms around me.
My voice starts to fade, He holds me tighter to reassure me I'm safe.
When his hands are on mine, I feel the time has paused.
He brings out a part of me that I hid away afraid of getting hurt again.

Summer nights bring moments that we will never forget.
Laughs that will stay with us while the worlds move ons.
No one will forget when the car was filled with smiles and empty cans of soda.
Hoping to stay frozen for a while,
Getting dropped off a second later.
Wishing we can do it all again tomorrow,
Missing summer days when school comes around.

When love comes to my door.
Would I let him in or turn his body away so I can’t be broken later.
He stands a few feet away with a smile and open arms.
I want him to come closer to hold my body.
I’m nervous about giving someone my young heart to keep in this hand.
When he comes knocking on my door I will give my love in return for his.

Dear Kristina,
our mom will no longer see me in a wedding dress and walking down the ally.
I will no longer wear bikini’s on the beach but hide my body under a coat of sadness.
Hoping that one day I can walk without a shirt on and show off my scars.
The day I get those scars will be a day of victory.
I will never hear my kids call me mom.
They will never see me face depression from hiding Lake from the world. I know this battle may lose family
I would lose them than she’d bleed.
I tried to keep inside for so long but the longer I did that the closer I got to death.
The way a suit makes me cry of joy instead of a dress of shame.
I learned to fake it trying on my dad's suit when he wasn’t home.
Too embarrassed to be seen didn’t want to be the disappointed daughter.
Heres the thing I’m not his daughter anymore.
That shipped sailed after finding out I can hide my chest from the world.
Learning how to tie ties from youtube and being so proud of my self.
That day I wanted to cry of joy, I’m not mad it took 19 years to find this out but glad it came at all.
Just to say I finally did it aren’t you proud mom. I’m happy now the day finally came.

From lake cell- the better you.

Why do I crave you after a while?
I don't want you back in my life, but at the same time, I do.
The memories haunt my dreams of the past.
Of everything you did to me, did to my body.
Why do I want you back?
I guess I miss the pain and the love that no one else can give me.

Medicine,
I wish I didn't need it to survive.
Take a sip of water to swallow the pill keeping me alive.
Medicine,
I used to think it was a weakness to rely on something to make me feel "normal."
Medicine,
Either make me better or worse, but I wouldn't be here without it.

I can't get enough even if I try.
I always want to know more about her.
It's like having a friend that has secrets and all you're dying to know it.
I'm afraid one day she is going to say that I'm too much.
That I'm annoying her with all my messages.
I guess I never had someone like her in my life.
Someone that is there all the time and won't hesitate to fight your demons.
I hope she knows I would do the same

I tried coffee again after a long time.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like it was all the memores wrapped up in one cup.
She drank it every morning and kissed me goodbye.
The taste still on my lips and the caffeine running into my vines.
Wishing for more coffee just to remind myself of her.
I tried coffee again but this time it was different.
No more rushing feelings just plain old taste in my mouth.
I wonder if the taste ever reminds her of mornings with me.
Of what life could have been if she didn’t leave.

The boy who is closed off,
But comes running the second you text him.
He will be there,
You won't see him entering.
The goofy laugh he gives will shine in a darkened room.
He is closed but will let you in slowly.

He never loved anyone like his first love.
Plays girls not to be broken again,
Which means hurting everyone to save himself.
Tells girls he likes them then Throws it all away after a hook up.
He see's nothing wrong with what he's doing not understand how many girls hearts are hurting each night.
His smile hides the truth,
The tears that happen the next day revalue what was missing.
Here comes the new girl that won't know what's coming her way

I’m sorry
I’m sorry I can’t be the perfect daughter because I’m not a girl.
I want to make you happy, but I’m slowly dying.
My mind keeps putting up a fight
I keep getting weaker.
I don’t want to fight with my self anymore
Why can’t I just shut up??
I want it to stop!
I want to be happy with our feeling scared!
But I can’t and I won’t
This is my new life.
I’m sorry for Changing, but I need to live.

I wish I could control it.
Not wanting to cry over the little things hoping it will go away.
When will it stop telling me things on repeat.
I tried to listen to the good in life but it's hard when the darkness is screaming in your ears.
Not wanting to burden anyone with my issues but trying to tell the truth at the same time.
Everyone telling me it will be ok and we aren't leaving.
How can I believe all the words when my mind wants to say the opposite.
Do I believe them or my broken mind.
Maybe I don't want to believe it's broken.
Maybe one day my pills will stop this all.
Or maybe I can stop it all.

She gave him all her love,
Only for him to take her heart for years then ruin her trust in the end.
He saw someone easy to take control of, which set his never-ending plan in motion.
She had love in her eyes until he took everything the poor women had.
He made her believe it was all her head; that's why she stayed to the end.
The day it ended was the day she had no more for him to steal.
All the trust and hopeless feelings ruin out.

Sometimes I feel unheard,
That my life doesn’t matter as much.
I look around the room and wonder if anyone feels the same.
I’m afraid to ask the question out loud, not wanting to get all the looks of Judgment
I go home and cry in my bed wondering if I made the right choice of making it to twenty three.
How can I keep on going with all this pain?
Why can’t I just say goodbye for one last time?
I tell myself that I can't leave her behind without a brother.

The pretty girl
I’m too scared to get close,
She can leave me any day.
I have been told don’t be afraid it will be ok.
Everyone else I liked left me why would she be any different.
I like the all nighters hoping tomorrow I get to see her again.
What if I wake up and this all a dream?
What if the fairytale girl isn’t real...
No here it comes the next saying she doesn’t want me.
I was always ready for this.

I won’t let anyone hurt you.
I will save you from the darkness of the world.
All you will see is happiness and sunshine.
I will be by your side throughout the sad and evil or the sunny and cheery.
I will watch you grow to tell amazing girls.
Sharing memories all night about my past and your future.
Watching you smile while dad tells corny jokes.
While your mom takes you on walks all through the day.
Those bedtime stories will be dreams and tales to tell your kids one day.
Take one day at a time.
There is no reason to rush.

Everything made sense in the end.
That's what I thought, but I was wrong.
The yelling got louder; I could barely hear myself think.
I wondered why this was happening, but I got no answer.
No one wanted to explain it to me.
No one wanted to help.

I miss the words we used to sing together,
Saying that we would be together for ever.
Now my head is spinning every time I look at you.
I try to take a grip but now my hands are slipping. Trying to stay standing not wanting to fall a second time.