Everything made sense in the end.
That's what I thought, but I was wrong.
The yelling got louder; I could barely hear myself think.
I wondered why this was happening, but I got no answer.
No one wanted to explain it to me.
No one wanted to help.

I won’t let anyone hurt you.
I will save you from the darkness of the world.
All you will see is happiness and sunshine.
I will be by your side throughout the sad and evil or the sunny and cheery.
I will watch you grow to tell amazing girls.
Sharing memories all night about my past and your future.
Watching you smile while dad tells corny jokes.
While your mom takes you on walks all through the day.
Those bedtime stories will be dreams and tales to tell your kids one day.
Take one day at a time.
There is no reason to rush.

My mind desires him,
Even at the dead of night.
For if the house goes cold,
My thoughts of him warm my heart.

What if this isn’t worth it.
I should just leave and not come back.
She doesn’t notice me anyway.
I’m just playing in her game.
The smile was fake.

The sky is blue and slight cloudy.
My mind starts to scramble and put all the pieces together.
I can't stop thinking of last months and all the words that were said.
It happen so fast,
Next think I know I'm alone once more.
Thinking of the memerios that will be gone in a year.
Hoping we meet again before I forget who you are.

Why did I give my heart away?
I thought this time it would be a different story to tell.
The type that ends with smiles instead of tears.
The one where everyone wins,
but this isn't that type of story.
Instead, one person lost all their heart and gained broken trust.
I gave my heart away, hoping for a different type of ending.

Hold me tight; please don’t ever let me go.
Tell me stories while I fall asleep on you.
Let me love you until my love runs out.
There may only be a few moments while were together until it’s time to leave again.
I will cherish every second of every minute spent together.
Let me love you until your heart can’t take it anymore.

The one who will be there at midnight,
To watch over your shoulder.
The one who sings when the day gets dark,
Laughs until there is nothing to be sad about.
Listens for hours no matter what is going on.
Stays through the storms,
Brings an umbrella when it starts to pour.

I love a closed book.
Every day is a new page,
A lot of adventures ahead.
Every word is sticking to my Brian.
I’m the blank page, she is my ink
Our story will last forever
Even we don’t.

He loved me too until he found Someone else.
All he did was talk about her smile how it could light up the world.
How he wishes he could touch her body.
Acting like I wasn’t a foot way.
Wondering why I wasn’t good enough.
Why doesn’t he want this love anymore?
Why does he want me anymore.

The sky is split between light and darkness.
Looks like the night I can't forget about.
Cries that were louder than the noise in my head.
It's been eight and half months.
Now the tears remind of strength of a day that could of ended way worse.

If my life was a fairy tale she would still be in my arms.
If I truly loved her,
I would be happy that she found happiness after all the pain.
If there was more time I would try again.
I’m stuck in a nightmare,
Seeing her fall for the man I should of been

I’m sorry you let me in
Now I’m a broken puzzle
All the pieces are broken.
Things won’t change,
Tape won’t cover the missing parts.
I thought you loved me.
I was just an object in your life.
I kept trying to make it work,
I just got a fire thrown at me.
If this love,
I don’t want to love anymore.

My person is out there,
Dreaming of the day we meet.
Hoping it will be a night to remember until the next one.
I wish I could tell them I'm ready, but no hurry, take your time, my love.
I will meet everyone to get to you.
We won't know who the other is until the first hello.
The first stare into each other's eyes.
The first day of the rest of our lives, we will spend daydreaming of the other.
I will smile every day just hearing their name.
Today is the first of many tries.

I was never the pretty girl,
Instead of the shadow lurking.
The other girl laughed and teased.

I was never the pretty girl,
The girl inside was gone.
The boy started to grow to scared to breathe.

Hiding behind broken words
Slowing growing stronger,
Almost broke free.

I was never the pretty girl.
I was the broken boy, hidden
In a mask of my own body
Learning to smile with sports bras and beanies.
He tried to scream but never heard.

I was the broken girl,
That turned into the
Handsome man.

They are sleeping next to me.
I feel safe but my mind doesn't trust it.
It tells me do more harm than good.
With you deep down I know I'm safe and you know that to.
Even if everything else around us doesn't make sense.
They are sleeping next to me but my mind doesn't trust it.
Letting horror movies play in my head about the ones that I love.
Making me feel crazy for loving them more and more.
Maybe my mind isn't used to this feeling and is trying to make me safe.
I don't want to safe I just want to live in the moment.

Fly high
I miss you everyday, wondering when I will wake up from this nightmare.
I replay memories in my head of us together.
The walks that made me smile,
Make me cry instead.
I try to think of the good times but the saddens takes over.
My heart is broken but healing slowly.
I know you are watching me from above.
I know when it snows it’s you saying hi

I wish my eyes could delete all sights I have of him.
Wishing that I never met the boy who was my first heart break.
There is good in all the bad,
I found love that of been gone if it wasn't for this pain.
One day I will be thankful for everything that has happen.
Today I just want to forget about the last words we said to each other.
I never thought this goodbye would be forever.

It's right there.
Hidden in a bottle with a warning.
Open now or wait to see what happens.
I take the cap off,
There I was in a pretty blue dress from years ago.
I wonder what is she doing?
All she said was, don't go home tonight.
There I stand in the parking lot, thinking if this is real.
I debated going home, but I wait until sunrise in this empty place that I now call home.

I look down and around,
Only to see him smiling at me.
It's the type of smile that screams run, but I stayed.
Maybe he isn't so bad after all.
I gave him a chance, and in seconds, the betrayal happened.
He took me by the arm and watched me scream in pain until it was over.
Until there was nothing more he could take.

Kids are told crying brings shame to the family.
Ever since that day, I hold my breath when walking to make sure no one hears me.
Afraid someone will see me and tell me I was a mistake.
I see the world through a different lens than others.
Growing up, I saw the people I love to treat others like trash.
Thinking one day someone will treat me the same.
When I hear conflict, I run the other way hoping I won't get

She didn’t know that this would be her last words.
She didn’t think kissing her boyfriend would be her goodbye.
The world didn’t give her a fear chance.
Instead of crying so put on a smile
The smile masked her so well no one could see hind it.
Little did they know she stayed up all night wishing to be gone.
Writing letters all night long
Putting them under the bed not be found.
She tried to fight but let go
No one knew why the happy girl was gone

I wish I wasn’t born trans,
Then maybe I would love my bare body instead of putting my hands over the chest that didn’t ask to be there.
Wishing the hands would turn my chest into the flat board that I desire.
Hoping one day this will be in my deepest of memories,
Maybe In that other life I would have wanted to share my body with my eyes open.
When i say I wish I wasn’t trans,
I mean I wish I didn’t smile more when thinking of getting parts of myself removed.
I mean I wish I got the easy way
I mean I wish
I wish I loved myself how everyone else loved me growing up.

I look up at the stars couting the days until we meet again.
Wondering if all the late night messages will be worth it in the end.
Hoping one day you tell me that you love me.
I walk back home with no one next to me wishing I could wake up and you would be there next to me.
Then I look up one more time at the shinning stars wondering if you miss me this way or if you just forgot about me.

Spring is when
the flowers grow.
When school is almost over, but finals start to strike.
Spring is when,
Dreams become a reality.
When reality starts to mix all together,
Until September comes again.

The walls look a little whiter than normal.
Why is the fan making such a loud noise?
Did my room always look this messy?
Maybe it's all in my head but this doesn't seem right.
Everyone is moving on I'm still stuck in the same moment.
The moment everyone forgot about.
I hid the blades but there always in the back of my mind.
Wondering when I will need them next to shut up my lonely mind.
The one that keeps trying to talk even thought I don't want to hear it.
The thing that makes me feel more hurt than anyone in my family.
I don't even have my family just my phone with random people to text that don't even want me.
So I sit here alone again for the tenth day in a row.

The time is coming,
Pack up everything and run.
I don’t think we can stay together,
Promise me that you will fight.
Don’t show weakness,
That's how they will destroy everything.
I can't say anything else,
The hourglass is almost out.
Run now!
Run faster!
Run far away from here.

Please stop
I mean it!
I can’t do this!
I don’t want to fight you anymore.
We are meant to be together
So please leave.
I love you but
you make me feel so bad.
You are making me wish I never meet you.
I hope one day we can be together but not today.

If love was a book,
It would come in many forms.
Starting as the tales, we read at night to chapter books that take months to read.
If love was a book,
I would read it over and over, never wanting to stop hoping it would come true.
Dreaming of the day when I no longer have to read to figure out what it means.
If love was a book,
I would hope I was secretly reading about you.

This is my final goodbye
Keep all the messed up memories and the fake I love yous.
The pretending to know me only to leave me days later.
My heart had a lock on it that only opened for you.
Now it's locked up once more.
I thought I was too much,
I thought it was my fault.
I learned true love doesn't end like this.

Wake me from this dream,
I've been here too long.
Things are starting to seem too real.
I scream but no one hears a word,
Everyone tells me I'm awake.
Wake me up from this lost land I call home.
Please don't leave me here forever.
I'm not ready to stay.

I never thought someone could make me feel this loved until I met her.
She hugged me and told me to hold on,
That life is only starting. To fight a little longer.
She stayed with me during my darkness, taught me how to love again.

I smile.
Does he notice how nervous I am?
My voice is shaking,
I’m starting to sweat.
He looks back at me and waves.
I start to blush,
I hope this isn't the end.

I liked you.
I never wanted it to end like this.
Please come back and tell me I’m worth something to you.

My life became a mess.
I started to love darkness more than the light.
It made me feel safer knowing soon all the stress would be gone.
I know that living isn't just surviving.
It's wanting to wake up to do something new.
To wanting to see the future not run from it.
I don't know if I was running but I was so used to not living I didn't see the reason to keep going.
To want to be happy because I didn't see a point in it.
A point to go to the light vs deep deep dark.

Pretty and sweet.
Quite enough not be seen but loud Enough to be heard.
She hides in the dark,
Shine's so bright in the light.
She shines are the darkest days.
Brings you happiness
Just to be thrown out 10 days later.

Does he think of me?
When we are apart, does he wants all of me or dread coming home.
The smile is probably a mask to hide his pain.
He says he wants me,
His eyes tell a different story.
The Look says he is thinking of a way to leave.
Does he think of me or the boy he wishes I could be?
Please tell me how you really feel.
I can't be someone who wants to be anywhere else but home.

I'm a believer in love
That it doesn't go away overnight.
Maybe it shows up one day without a reason,
Only to beg for it to stay longer.
Love has seen the world go around and around, waiting for the right people.
The type of people who aren't afraid of going the extra mile.
Who are crazy about one another in every Universe.

If I gave her my heart will she drop it?
I just put it back together.
Afraid of the future knowing it always gets worse.
How many more heartbreaks until the pain stops?
I want to be free I already ran out of tissues but
Still have more tears to give.
My heart still aches but wants to move on,
I want to be first for once.

He is my movie, my book, my music.
The entertainment keeps me distracted when I wish upon it the most.
He makes me feel loved for all parts of myself, even those people who told me I should change.
When I say I feel safe with him, he makes me feel ways that I haven't felt in a long time.
He brings back memories that I have forgotten existed.
He is everything I dreamed of, and when I say I love him, I mean I will fight for him no matter what.
We are not perfect, but he is ideal for me.

I love you, that's it.
Let the whole world listen while I scream as loud as my body lets me.
I love you
Everything else is gone when you are next to me.
I love you
The time that is taken is given back to me when you are in my arms.
I love you
Never will I want to stop saying these three words.
I love you.
Even when I'm confused about everything else, I know how I feel about you.

There is a girl who hides in the shadow, trying not to be heard
A boy is standing tall, but no one wants him.
Every day everyone says hi to the hidden girl but nothing to the strong boy.
They all call out hey Sophia but ever hi josh.
The world will only see what they want to believe is right.
The dying boy is standing firm with a smile.
While the hidden girls is just Trying to leave.
He is a trans man, but to the world, he is still A lonely girl.

He says his love just faded,
Was it ever there to start?
He uses his mouth like a gun and words as bullets hoping for damage.
She does the same blaming the empty bottle
Both forgetting what was said in the morning, While it stays with me for years.

They thought they would be together forever.
She was in a fairy tale until she works up in reality.
He would yell and scare her enough to make her leave.
But love her enough for her to come back.
The world didn’t know what was happening behind the closed door.
On the news, they were happy as good be.
But that isn’t the whole story, not close at all.

I hate that I love you.
I didn’t ask to want to live,
now I don’t want to go.
I hear your voice and it makes
Me cry.
I never felt happy before this.
They see though my fake feelings
It’s  nothing but truths.
I love the moments I spend with him,
I hate that I want to live

Battle
I was only 17 when my battle started.
Thoughts filled with horror,
Long nights of fear.
I tried pill after pill to fix my issue,
Finally, two and half years later, I was free.
The day I tried my ADHD meds,
It was the day I could finally breathe again.
I’m sorry for leaving,
It was finally time to move on.
I will miss the feel of comfort,
But not the misery that came with it.

The man with all the secrets,
Still only cares about himself.
Unless a pretty woman walks across his view.
He will forget all respect and hopes that make her beg for me.
The man will date others to make her jealous.
This will happen until she gives in or he finds someone new to mess with.

I loved her away,
gave too much and no not enough space.
Wanted her the most when that was the thing holding her back.
I loved her away,
By not knowing how to love myself first.
I loved her away,
By wishing for something that neither of us was ready to give.
I loved her away, like loving wasn’t creating a distance between each other

If she meant nothing, then why are you with her right now?
Were all the words told from your mouth just lies engraved in a loop to every girl you ever loved?
I thought you meant it until the truth started sneaking out slowly after a glass or two.
If she meant nothing, then why did you choose her over me?
Were all the memories made up in my head in the end?
I’m trying hard not to be mad because, in the end, you played me better than anyone ever will.

I’m broken like a kicked indoors.
No dents are left, but the pain stays
I want to heal,
I don’t know-how.