Icy fire covers the ground
As the light fades away
The wind holds it's breath
On top of a high cliff place

The horizon, a smear
Of red, orange, and yellow
Black shades divide the sky
Night trees and a dark fellow

Crunching breaks the silence
The sound follow the shape
A small, round stone
Shadow kneels next to grave

The heavenly fire burns down
Leaves the broken man
And his forget me nots
Clenched tight in banded hand

Be careful where you choose
To spend your effort

Because the efforts of
A billion celestial beings
Still burn in our skies
Centuries after they have gone silent

And you, you are no less
Incredible to behold

I was lost in the worry
That should be here but it's not
Trying to believe and be happy
But waiting for the other shoe to drop

I was ready with an umbrella
A wind breaker and sunscreen
Sunshine daily but you don't call me silly
You just ask if you can carry anything

I'm learning to trust the ground we walk on
Because maybe not all ice is thin
Winter days don't have to be bitter
And nights can just be for stars and wishin'

And new days are new adventures
Not a game of dice or roulette
And walks are for long talks
Not for escaping and secrets

Because my definition of love wasn't wrong
Just the connotations
And you wrote over them in red ink
Giving me back a better edition

And while my eyes still drop
When that song comes on
And I have to disappear to deal
With memories I'd thought were gone

You wait and you're patient
As I heal from all the heartache
Still I'm sorry you have to be careful
Because of the mess someone else made

But I'm learning from you that love can be good
It doesn't always break, not always made of glass
Sometimes it's made of rubber
It may fall but it's durable, forever bouncing back

How can I not love
the God who gave me wings?

And then

How can I not change
when all He asks is this one thing?

I'll never forget the day
When stress got the best of me
And I finally told you my worries

And it was the worst timing
But we still went to that concert
Though on the way up we didn't speak

And then the crowd was deafening
But somehow so was our silence
And all we could do was just be

But when the lights went down
And we realized six inches makes a big difference
And there's no way I'd be able to see

You picked me up
And stood me on your feet
Though it can't have been easy

And that feels more real than anything
Because nothing was perfect
But you still cared for me

There's a storm in my head
A torrential downpour of pain
With flashes of rage
And thunders of despair

The streets are flooding
And the night is getting dark
And I can't turn the tide
I can't stop the heartache

I feel every emotion but joy
I know hundreds of thousands
Of words that mean pain
So why do they all feel hollow

My hand hovers useless
Above the empty page
Waiting for the storm drains to clear
So the words can flow free

But until then I drown

Choose your words wisely

To capture a heart wholly

For they wander easily

Unless love anchors them firmly

I want you to be my forever
But I don't need you to be

And of course it will break my heart
If you decide to leave

But it will not break my soul
This will not be the end of my story

And with all that said and true
I can feel the dread fill my body

That something I can't change
Will make you unable to love me

That I'll lose out on a future with you
Because I am sick and there is no remedy

You never said I was too much
But you acted like I was

So I curled up to make myself smaller
I pretended I didn't know so I was dumber
I put a break between every action
And my reaction so I could protect myself
And suddenly I was a problem
And the solution was to break me
And really it's not that hard
To destroy something

But no one tells you that breaks make micro fractures
And life's regular wear makes you break even faster

That shrinking meant letting part of you die
So it's slower, it takes longer to again be that high

And by the time you learn that people loved you as you were
You're so far away from the past, you can no longer see her

But if you can get back to the beginning
Where you were incredible
Simply because you were living

All the growth and intelligence
Back to a personality effervescent
You'll be rooted all the more firmly in your present

Because now you'll know that ground lost
Is not progress irredeemable
But a fight that can be won again
And royalty is more that an environment regal

I will not walk in the unknown
If we two stand at a fork in the road
And hesitation held his other hand
I'd go my own way, ready to try again

But you were a road less traveled-er
An adventure seeker who was still
Strong and sure enough to be a shelter
As warm and quick as a fire

And now we come to another divide
And I let go of the hand I held so tight
And you walk the middle ignoring either side
Until you crest this hill on high

And this is where I go
As I have always done before

But I've never loved like this
So I'll walk up this blind hill
My heart in hand, red on my sleeve
Flipping the coin on a ring or a guillotine

I will forever be the "make it work" kid
Born to take what I am given
The "actually this is even better" girl
"Leave it better than it was" kind of living

I'll take a bad and find the good
Take the good and make it great
Infuse the great with some laughter
Forcing trials to blessings by sheer mental strength

Until I made a friend who was perfect
Who made the hard times breezy
And fair weather days even better
So strong she made life look easy

Until I met a boy who was kind
And thinks the world of imperfect me
Who was raised to be a gentleman
A safe space where I feel free

I guess some things just come wonderful
They don't need to be made better
Reminding that rainbows come from rain
And there's a true upside to every weather

I've read of disaster
I've imagined catastrophe
But nothing prepared
For the moment it happened to me

In fact, instead of more real
My world became surreal
But this time I couldn't turn the pages
Stuck in the realest of unreal cages

At dusk, my nightmares breathed
And my demons grinned in glee
But my body was frozen
Like maybe stillness could save me

But in this, my worst of dreams,
Honesty's the monster, reality my enemy
And the more they show their ugly faces
The more my happily ever after loses pages

Because the unthinkable to me
Was an option somewhere in his psyche
So in the ruins of my plans for the future
I choose to escape this saddest of stupors

He stood still, as the rain began to fall,
Because he had no shelter to seek,
So he chose, to smile up into the squall.

When he was soaked, a puddle round his feet.
So he thought himself a sapling,
For whom water was a sweet relief.

Then the clouds cleared, the rain began to stop,
And oh how he shimmered in the sun,
Covered head to foot in raindrops.

When I was unsure
Fear held me so tight
It hurt to move in any direction
But at least I was held

When I was despairing
Sadness would tell me
All that was wrong with me and the world
But at least I was acknowledged

When I was alone
Pain reached out
and filled me with anguish
But at least I wasn't empty

So now I look for the lost
And be a friend they can walk with
So they don't wander so far away
That Death is the only one who can find them

I don't have enough light

To turn black to blue

But I'll take the light I find

And give it all to you

I'll be your beacon in the gloom

Love,

The Moon

The walls are made of plaster
And the bench is made of stone
The music made of nothing
And red cars are made of metal

But no they are all made of sponge

The walls hold your words
Ones that bounces off on their way to me
The bench holds your shape
Huddled broken against the cold

The music traps your voice
I feel it break my heart with every note
Red cars send me running
Thinking you must surely be inside

Your shadow selves must be paint
Spattered on every place you touched
Because how else can everything
Remind me of you so horribly

How can I hear that song
Or lean against those walls
Without coming away soaked
Covered in memories of you

I hurt him again
With the choices I made

I tell him to move on
To give up on me

I'll never be better
I think on my knees

He kneels down next to me
I wait for him to get angry

He reaches out
I pull away flinching

He keep going
Takes my hand gently

He pulls me up
While I look down at my feet

He pulls me in
"I know what you did"

I cry into His shoulder
"It's okay I forgive, like it never happened"

The weight on my soul falls
And again I am free to better than I was

Because God so loved the world
And imperfect little me

That He sent a perfect Son
To close the distance between Him and me

In a circumstance, where I did nothing bad
Somehow I am still the monster

You wreaked havoc with him, I held my peace
And no one knew your misdeeds

I bore alone my broken mind
All in the name of being kind

Until you decided the destruction was his
And you were the victim

So you told your tale to the masses
And gained all their sympathy

And I said nothing, I lost my chance to tell my side
What do you care, you have a ring and a guy

And me? I am still in silent pain
Because only a monster blames the victim

I'll never tell you this
But part of me is still that 11 year old
Who broke down crying to you.

The one who saw you sob
Like you never had before

The one who heard you say
That my words hurt you

That little girl is still here trying to figure out
How to bring up how she feels
Without hurting anyone else

Live, burn, and rise from the ashes
Never really dying
Because their end's
A magnificent beginning

Living in bright colors
Catching every eye
As they fly on by
Born for the spotlight

Famed for their flaming rose
How have I never seen the thorns?
Yes they live forever
They they must burn to be reborn

And after their fiery end
They wake again
To the jealousy of the masses
And the promise of future pain

If I cannot fly,
Does that make the sky
Any less that amazing for a bird

If I cannot breath underwater
Does that make the beautiful blue depths
Any less perfect for a fish

And life for them in my shoes
Trapped on the earth would be hard
Despite the sunsets and music

So no, you are not hard to love
Not for the right person, not even for most
I'm just sorry you found a fish out of water before me

He spoke and the world was
And the sun shone
And the grass grew
And man took breathe

And I am not mighty like He

When I speak
Neither the plants
Nor the sky
Nor life itself hears

But the God of them all does

And so I speak of him
Not in authority
Nor in eloquence
Nor perhaps in power

Only in complete and divine love

Today I promise,
To take the weaknesses that tripped me
And walk with more purpose tomorrow

Today I promise,
To give away my sins to you
And let it nourish my gratitude

Today I promise,
To look up from my pain
And let it fuel my compassion for another

Today I promise,
To be better than I've ever been
For I know more now than ever before

I'm not the cursing kind
But if I was, this'd be the moment
To find out that you thought
You could be the author of this poet

You sat there and believed
That if you used my words and voice
And spoke as though you were me
You could dictate my choice

But now I am aware
I'm awake and angry
And a little betrayed
Even if I shouldn't be

Because of course
You'd tear me down inside
That's the job you gave yourself
After you ruined your own life

I let you tell me who I am
I didn't even put up a fight
But now you've really mess it up
Because now I see the light

It's time you stood to the side
I hope it hurts to watch me grow
More than you ever said I could
More than even I now know

Because the evil I've seen in me
So much of it was actually you
As you masterminded my meanest thoughts
Had me speak them as if they're true

So as I close my eyes and mouth to you
I'll make sure my ears join in
For I won't play your games anymore
And by walking away I win

I win a better world for me
One where I live bolder
And believe the best of me
Having cast the devil off my shoulder

I make all these realizations
And after all this time
I stand to look at the mirror
And the face I see is mine

Loving someone isn't just giving your heart to them
Or sharing every shade of memory
It's giving away space in your mind
A place they will always occupy
And then reaching out to the space
And feeling it's pulse like a heart beat
Because their pain and joy and stress is yours
And while you can't always control the distance between you
Part of them can never leave you
That's why love doesn't understand distance

That's why with time zones between us
I can still hold you and still love you

Wait long enough
And you can see mental health

In sunny smiles
Or suspicious scars
In honesty or
Insomnia
In a growing circle
Or a new addiction

And unless it's reversed
It's grows and grows till you know
With certainty not suspicion

I know you heard me
But did you listen?

I know you felt sorry
But did you empathize?

Do you not see
Because you don't care enough to look?

I can make myself speak,
But I don't know how to be clear

When I am drowning
I don't have the energy to draw diagrams

Maybe God is letting you struggle with addiction
So you can show the world how God heals addiction

Maybe God is letting you struggle with depression
So you can show others that it isn't just people whose brains work right that believe

Maybe God tried to stop you from all the choices that got you here
And when you made your choices anyway then He got to show the world that He can bring anyone back from the brink

Maybe He is using your trials to prove that the gospel is for everyone,
can comfort anyone,
and to give you compassion for those who also struggle, just not always in the same way

Because He is the God of all people, of every step of the journey home, and of every second in this life and the next

I stand here in the mists of uncertainty
Fierce in fidelity, firm in my affection
And unsure if I am alone in this place

I watch every wisp in empty air
Making solid hopes of shifting shapes
Ignoring shadowy doubts thick upon the ground

Believing that every new second
Holds your voice calling for me
And every next glance meets yours

Yet you remain ephemeral
And I'm left spinning in the obfuscation
Hearing echos and seeing ghosts

I want to like surprises
But my mind has let me down too many times

Do I imagine the best
In the name of positivity?
Or settle for pessimism
For the sake of reality?

Because right now I'm trying
Trying to tightrope the line
And instead of finding balance
I'm shaking with fear of losing what's mine

So while id love for the world to prove me wrong
Id rather just know where I stand