I've not been active for pretty long. I started a new website.
Check it out:
https://inablackhole.home.blog/

I'm not afraid of
dark forests, beasts,
darkness or ghosts.

I'm afraid of people
convincing me I should.

I was sad and angry,
all I wanted was to sit and cry.
The people I dissapointed.
The oppertunities
I have already missed.
From nowhere bumblebee came
and gave me a kiss.
I was so suprised.

Touching my cheeck.
Remembered the most important thing
is the calmness in me.

Wasted so many time,
wasted so many life.
Too sad to cry.
Too tired to rest.
But I can't end it cause I'm afraid to die.

They ...
Killed my spirit,
crushed my soul.

My heart was left in million pieces.
And will take a million years
to collect them.
A million years to put them back.

Please,
don't be a mean fool,
my emotions are not a playing tool.

I wanna know everything about you.
What you want, what you love.
Your deep secrets and shallow weaknesses.
So I can turn them against you.

I could never be yours
and you could never be mine
It's not about possesing.
It's about letting them go.
Leaving them to blossom into butterflies.

I almost forgot you
and then you showed up from nowhere.
Opened up the emotions I hid in neverland.
It's a fire that glowed up again.
It's rain that started falling down again.
It's the stars that lighted up again.
Now I can't forget you.
love you

They say
love has no limits,
has no numbers,
has no colour.
It's sweet and loving,
it makes you happy.
Every person has a soul mate.
It's the right one
when you feel it
to the moon and back.
And yet,
they can't stand
two boys kissing
or
two girls holding hands.

I froze when you came closer
and kissed me.
But it could never happen.
Cold as ice,
hard as stone,
born without a heart.
I can't recognize your love,
even tho everybody says they see it.
It's obvious.
It's true.
It's there.

You can force a robot to feel it.
It's just dark blank space.

The wind had a disturbing vibe
Something messy was in the air
Why I haven't noticed it  sooner

Looking down from above
It's a feeling of the unknown
It's bigger than us and we don't even know
The end's near
Catching the stars but they are too far

Glass gaze of a coldhearted killer
Tears are shattering waterfalls
We ignored her when she just wanted to find the real home
Depression should die not her
She just wanted to survive in a broken world
Too late
She lost herself in eternity

I'm hiding my tears,
smiling over the emotional storm
going on inside.
I have no hopes if I ever will be okay.
Blossom of tulips fell down from the above,
I layed on the flower bed and closed my eyes.
The wind rushed through ears and sang the calming song.
Butterfly gave me one last kiss on the cheeck.
After summer the winter came.
It was cold and dark.
As my broken soul.

I need to stop comparing myself
to the prettier, skinnier girls.
I need to stop searching for excuses
cause meanwhile,
I could be looking for the answers.

Stop missing the opportunities and memories
because I'm too afraid.
Stop counting the likes and comments on social media,
pretending I am rich and famous.
Numbers don't define me.
Stop being sad, manipulative and possessive
in wish people who could only hurt me,
would notice me.


I should stop looking for
meaning
purpose
nirvana
outside.
It's already inside.
I just don't know it.

And at last
I should stop hating myself
Waking up my mistakes, my past every day
and start living.

The voice in my head says No.
Don't.
I still do it.
After it, I'm always angry why I didn't listen to it.
I could avoid the pain, the tears
dissapointments and little heart breaks.

I haven't even started and I already gave up.
I haven't even decided and I'm already afraid.
I haven't even said it and I already doubt it.
Sometimes is hell in my head.
And I can't stop it.

I'm running away from my problems,
avoiding my fears,
ignoring the emotions.
My deamons always come after me,
chasing me.
I'm just a ghost of myself,
nobody is able to see me.

I hate
feeling lonely
and sad
and depressed
worrying about nonsense
and being anxious for no reason
and wiping tears for nobody to see them.

I got a text.

How are you?

I lean my head on the cold wall, hiding the tear walling down my cheek.
Seriously? How I am?

Depressed.
Sad.
Scared.
Anxious.
Broken.
Lost.
Hopeless.
Wis­hing to die.

I write back.

I'm fine.

I tried to escape it.
From silent the voice telling me
I don't belong,
I'm no worth.
But I believed it.
Every single word.

A huge weight pushes
me down to the ground.
A huge burden chained
me around the wrist.
I torture with every inhale,
It's harder and harder to breathe
with every exhale.

Good girl at day,
bad boy at night.
The true voices of rebellion
where are you at?

Where's that magical place
where's no one judged by their face?

When the stars shape the line,
bravehearts beat as one.
When everything is all right
the planets align planetarium.

There are only paper people in their paper houses
There are only paper houses in the paper cities
And there's no way way out from the paper towns.

I have a feeling nothing of this is real.
Wake up!

I think is an illusion.
A dreamy fairytale.
And I need to wake up.

Is too good to be true.
And waiting for an end.
In mean time, I forgot to enjoy.

Don't stop telling me that I'm pretty,
that you have a great time with me.
That I'm funny and smart and I can achieve anything I want.
Don't stop telling me how beautifuly my laugh sound or how soft my hair is.
Tell me you also don't understand
the world and that we're on ourown.
Tell me we can fly.
Spread our hands,
jump on wind and fly.
Please, tell me that magic is possible.

Because if you do I won't believe it.
Don't stop whispering me kindly words,
even though I push you away.
Make me believe everything will be allright.
Just don't tell me you love me.
Because I couldn't love you back.

Time is priceless.
Light as feather,
sharp as knife
sliderly as water between the fingers.
Fragile.
Unvisible.
Spontanious.
Then you figure out
that it ran out

I gasp for air.
I see waterwalls, the river and the trees.
The whole abby has opened to me.
It whispered all the hidden secrets.
I sit down and listen.
Cause it so magical.

A gentle breeze took me with him on journeys.
It took me to touch the clouds and let me to dance with stars.
I felt like a free bird.
The whole world was mine.
Wind in my wings,
joy in my heart.
I didn't want it to stop.
You stopped holding my hand.
Your smile was a goodbye.
I wish I would tell you ...
That you don't need to die to make yourself worthy.

Dark mists fell from the sky.
Black snowflakes made a black blanket on the hills and fields.
Time stoped.
Souls reached the horizon.
They were trying to escape.
Their wings got broken.
They fell back on the ground.
Only the ashes were kept alive.

In a dark dark wood ...
In a dark dark tunnel ...
On the dark dark street ...
On a dark dark night ...
With the dark dark thoughts ...
Is me.
Shaking with the creeps.

Is anybody there?

I watched from the ground,
they watched me from the sky.

The moonlight tickled my face.
It felt like the only safe place.

Those spots in the universe,
that feeling of belonging.

They were my only friends.

Breathing.
To release the doubts, the fears, the tension.
Breathing.
To get so much air I can inhale.
Breathing.
To convince myself I'm okay.

Wind drained my tears.
My thoughts flew away.
I was left alone.
Empty.
Fragile.
Slowly cracking.
Every second till breaking.

The hardest mission is to collect
all the pieces back when that happens.

I'm stargazing.
Looking for clues on
how to get out of here.
Looking for joy and happiness
in my heart.
Searching for gentle blossoms
to fill the emptiness.


I'm dreaming.
Living in my dreams
and not letting myself
to wake up.
If I do,
will the world still be magical?

I'm drowning in my screams.
I'm caught in my doubts.
I'm chained to my fears.
I don't know how to end it.
I have no idea how to escape it.