I need to stop comparing myself
to the prettier, skinnier girls.
I need to stop searching for excuses
cause meanwhile,
I could be looking for the answers.

Stop missing the opportunities and memories
because I'm too afraid.
Stop counting the likes and comments on social media,
pretending I am rich and famous.
Numbers don't define me.
Stop being sad, manipulative and possessive
in wish people who could only hurt me,
would notice me.


I should stop looking for
meaning
purpose
nirvana
outside.
It's already inside.
I just don't know it.

And at last
I should stop hating myself
Waking up my mistakes, my past every day
and start living.

The voice in my head says No.
Don't.
I still do it.
After it, I'm always angry why I didn't listen to it.
I could avoid the pain, the tears
dissapointments and little heart breaks.

I haven't even started and I already gave up.
I haven't even decided and I'm already afraid.
I haven't even said it and I already doubt it.
Sometimes is hell in my head.
And I can't stop it.

I'm running away from my problems,
avoiding my fears,
ignoring the emotions.
My deamons always come after me,
chasing me.
I'm just a ghost of myself,
nobody is able to see me.

I hate
feeling lonely
and sad
and depressed
worrying about nonsense
and being anxious for no reason
and wiping tears for nobody to see them.

I got a text.

How are you?

I lean my head on the cold wall, hiding the tear walling down my cheek.
Seriously? How I am?

Depressed.
Sad.
Scared.
Anxious.
Broken.
Lost.
Hopeless.
Wis­hing to die.

I write back.

I'm fine.

I tried to escape it.
From silent the voice telling me
I don't belong,
I'm no worth.
But I believed it.
Every single word.