It’s easier for you to judge,
you don’t live within these walls,
You don’t fight a daily battle to be heard,

Your eyes see what’s in front of them,
You only hear what’s said,
That’s two perceptions,
What about the third,

That’s the one that’s screaming out,
That struggles every day,
That cannot show or tell you what it’s like,

It overshadows everything,
With a reach that you can’t see,
It twists my ears,
Cast’s shadows on my sight,

I know at times I hurt you,
And I wish you’d see the truth,
sometimes it’s only right I do what’s wrong,

But just because I can’t show you the lyrics of my life,
Doesn’t mean you can not understand my song.

I don’t care about your colour
I don’t subscribe to the look of your face
Were all sisters and brothers and fathers and mothers,
Joined in the human race,
Open your curtains and turn on the news,
we’re surrounded by horror and hate
At a time when so much is so lost and abused,
Why are we ******* our fate,
Your gender your race your beliefs,
The choices that make you be you,
Are individually and perfectly great,
Because they’re completely and honestly true,
If we’re ethically and morally at war,
Then how will we ever move on,
We’re ruining what was given before,
Because we’re treating each other so wrong,
When your down or damaged or lost
And the noise of the world just blares,
Your not caring what barriers are crossed,
Your just grateful to know someone cares,
So people -  please look around,
See the person living inside,
Because if we all make just a small effort,
Then never again need we hide.

Occasionally a calmness comes over  me...
Slows the world to a momentary hesitance ...
It’s at those moments I look at you -
and see just how beautiful you are,
The gentleness of your heart,
The care in your eyes,
The sensualness of your tender lips,
I catch you unaware in that moment of stillness,
I love you in a way I can't explain,
Its completeness,...........
And then the silence is broken,
The moment is gone and I turn -
Making sure you don’t catch my gaze,
You don’t know that you're my moment of clarity,
That your the only thing I see when the world hesitates.  
I think it’s you that makes time miss a step.

Sometimes my words fill  your empty mouth,
My strength gets you up on those difficult days,
And my hope helps to carry you through,
Because I love you,
Sometimes it doesn’t,
Sometimes none of me reaches any of you,
Rejection and isolation become your sustenance,
On those days ...... I love you,
At times your eyes spark with the thought of a future,
We drink and we dance,
We **** and we forget,
They’re my favourite days by far,
We love those days together,
And once in a while it all becomes too much for you,
You can’t see a way out of your own darkness,
Everything in your head gets louder -
      and drowns out the hope you had,
Those are the days I fear,
I’m sorry I don’t have the answers,
You said you wished I could fix you,
But I can’t ......... fix you,
I can’t fix you because your not broken,
Your not lost or alone,
You have depression,
We live with your depression,
We relish the good days and fight through the bad,
We live for the moments and deal with the downs,
But your not broken my sweet,
Your you,
Depression Is part of you right now,
We can’t fight this battle with a heart of hate,
We win this war with acceptance,
We accept that some days you will need my words,
Or my strength or my hope,
Because every day I need you,
All and every part of you.
My heart burns so bright for you,
A single flame but enough to shine a light in your darkness,
Sometimes I wish things were different,
That you didn’t feel this pain,
Sometimes I wish I could carry it for you,
But I’m thankful,
I’m thankful that I have you as you are,
Rather than not having you at all,
Because I love you,
And I’ll always shine in your darkness.

I write despite the growing night,
For the fight inside my mind,
My words succumb to a litany run,
It’s a solace that I find,

Shallow breath,
I dance with death ,
For twisted inspiration,
Pushing back the limits for my selfish liberation,

I laugh and cry,
And try and try,
Yet nothing feeds my paper
Dizzy from the taste of pride,
Tired of this Labor,

Giving in and giving up,
Surrendered to the storm,
I’m the author of my slaughter,

Which of me do you think you know,
The subtle or the sad,
The one that’s deep and sultry,
Or the one that’s loud and mad,
The me that mutters lost in thought and stresses over life,
Or the me that deals with everything,
The trouble,  stress and strife.
There’s another me that no one sees,
The me that keeps me right,
The one I keep all for myself,
That’s hidden in plain sight,
The me that reasons out the fear and keeps an even keel,
That chains my madness to my core when life becomes to real,
So many me’s I must contain all echoes of myself,
Are you the same behind your name,
Is there more than just yourself.

I am the author of my slaughter,
And I write to be reborn.