The island of my childhood
No longer exists
I can see the swirling dark pastels
The sunless black sky
And endless blue sea
When I shut my eyes
But I cannot return
And I cannot remember the faces in the trees
I remember treading deep blue
Endless oceans
My head bobbing
Arms flailing
Sickly mother looking on
She was not worried
I wouldn't drown
I couldn't drown
I remember narrow passageways
Sneaking past slumbering crocodiles
I remember fairy lights
In the distance
Always close but out of reach
I remember spider queens weaving
Catching loose carousel horses in webs
Sickly mother sleeps uneasy
I ask to return to the island
To set sail
She weakly says yes of course
And we return
And return
And return
Until the island is no more
Because the island of my childhood
No longer exists
And I can only see its shadow
When I close my eyes.

Half in half out
Half hush half shout
More brick less bone
All blood all stone
How does it feel when you're alone
Have you even once been known
To be more cold less hot
No kettle all ***
No growth all rot
Half tired half dead
Keeping mouths half fed
All blood all stone
All lights all home
More brick less home
Does it feel like you're alone?

I can taste civilizations
Your mouth is full of war
And if warrior's lips graze scapulas
My constellations start to ache
With moonlight in my washbasin
I pray my armor may dissolve
No use have I for bones or hair
No want for teeth or eyes
I have seasons locked inside me
Ice and heat and rain
What a shame it is to be made of flesh
I am stars and trees and rage
Transient like a leaf in the wind
Whittled down until only rocks remain.

Sweet summer child, you still have roots to grow
You have wounds to hide, but scars to show
There are still mountains left for you to climb
Couplets left for you to rhyme
You have wars to end and peace to gain
My dear, there are still lions left to tame.

Little babe, you have so much time left to cherish
Do not let me hear you beg to perish
Your teeth have smiles more to smile
Your feet will travel miles more than miles
Though I weep over choices that I make
I am grateful you can learn from my mistakes.

Little one, when I held your newborn body in my hands
I knew you'd be the only one to understand
Born from ice and raised in fire
We were destined to expire
We both dream of feeling chosen
But past attempts have left us frozen
Scorched earth cannot sprout grass that is greener
We are meant to burn for lovers, not leavers
Built to withstand blows from mallets and cleavers
I was made to hold you up high
You were born with wings to fly
I am here to crush your fears
You are here to share my tears
I will care for you above all others
Because you are my precious baby brother.

Oh how easy to trace the well-worn foot path
Oh what a delight to don death shrouds for brief Sunday naps
Oh how perilous to set sail on oceans so vast
Gods will not weep though caverns feign sighs
I cannot sleep while attics scream echoes
Keep my eyes shut tight to darlings I ask of
Such a comfort my Lords will still plunder borrascas
Oh how simple to swallow tongues
To keep love locked down in hallowed lungs
To bleed out every word, every letter
Oh how hard to live better.#

I could lie to you all night
For when I first caught sight
I gave to you no thought
My desires already bought
Trysts elsewhere already sought
To perform the greatest rite
I could lie to you all night.

I could lie to you all night
And our passions could ignite
For I saw hunger in those eyes
A craving most unwise
To plant flags, dominate, colonize
And set my fields alight
I could lie to you all night.

I could lie to you all night
And vanish out of spite
Bonds easily severed
So storms need not be weathered
Yet to you my sinews tethered
This forbidden fruit I bite
I could lie to you all night.

I could lie to you all night
My aching heart contrite
Through barren lands I stagger
As my resolve shatters
You do not fail to twist the dagger
You stab with all your might
I could lie to you all night.

I could lie to you all night
I could lie right here in fright
My homeland has been plundered
My spirit torn asunder
Still I gaze at you in wonder
As you say in a whisper so polite
“I could lie to you all night.”

Will fables be sung
When ashes remain
Warmest of strangers
Phantom in photographs
Sweet memories will haunt me
That you will not recall
I am torn apart
By remaining intact
O perfect Prince
Do not hold me dear.

My death shroud was in my suitcase
When my flesh stopped haunting you
My spirit had been exorcised years before
Do not mourn
For ghosts cannot die.

Unclench your tightened jaw
You have no fangs to tear and rip
And the dull teeth
Cause more agony.

Heed their howls
Fear the warning
I howled silently at your side
You only heard the screams from below
I knew you deaf, but thought you blind.

I watch these moments last for eons
Seconds like epochs
Breaths like gasps
You tried to drown me in the fish tank
Not realizing I already drowned you in the bath.

You found me again
That trembling sacrificial lamb I was
Let the cycle repeat for you
I refuse to be myself for even another moment
Give someone else a turn.

I stopped looking for your smile
In unfamiliar faces
I have been haunting strangers
Instead of going home.

I am the empty; unknowable
And I pray that if you reach for me
Your hands will slip
And fumble
Like feeling for a light switch
In a dark and unfamiliar room.

Host funerals for bridal veils
Leave cobwebs unperturbed
Autumn red as you
Cold as glances unreturned
Warm earth buries youth
Toss confetti from your hearse.

Docile creatures do persuade
My body bend and provide aid
To settle debts long since repaid
Bones do choose to crack and sway
So devotions come then fade away
Suffer the same and come what may
For docile creatures I've policed
I am not one who can tame beasts.

Docile creatures oft believe
Maidens chained do yearn to leave
Yet freedom can be cause to grieve
Teeth of beasts do gnash and grind
Til there's nothing tender left behind
I'll hide any light they find
Since docile creatures do not feast
I shall be devoured by a beast.

I have but I would rather give
I want not to end but to want to live
Yet docile creatures won't forgive
Those of us who turn up eyes
To receive crowns of stars from night skies
And listen to what the west winds may advise
As sure as the Lord smiles from the east
I could learn to love a beast.