Outwardly,
You had a cold, sturdy hardness
Of a mountain.
Inwardly,
You were filled with caves of wisdom and gold to glean
So call me a gold digger
Because I want to dig into you

I sit at the empty kitchen table
And cradle my head in my hands
Tears hit thick and warm on my cheek
And slide like a melting glacier
Made of the ice in my heart.
I listen to the trees tussle outside
A symphony of wind and leaves,
And I play my day over in my head,
And find I am so happy I didn’t buy
The plaque I saw in the store today that read
“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs, does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers, love never fails”

I’m happy I didn’t buy that
Because sitting here in this empty kitchen,
I know that is not our love.

My therapist leans forward in her brown leather chair
And thoughtfully places her hands and investigating, asks me
“So at the this point what do you want?”
I sit and introspect.
I want a massage
I want to understand myself
I want to connect better with people
I want to stop taking everything personally
I want to write better
I want to dance better
I want a lot of money
I want to go get my nails done,
But instead I answer
“I don’t know Janet. I don’t know what I want.”

Of course I’m tired, but
I don’t stop when I’m tired
I stop when I’m done

Eternity’s a long time,
May as well dance tonight

I forgot I am royalty
Too busy throwing my crown
At the feet of a man undeserving of my respect

Never again.