my body has been void of its own innocence for years
it doesn't remember what it's like to be kissed on the back of the neck for the first time
your finger tips have trailed its every outline

i want to grow new skin because of you
shed all my pink hair in the shower

fall reminds me of the bitten apples
your greedy hands grabbing every variety

pink lady fresh off the vine
i remember how your teeth clenched her
kissed the back of her neck
and how you threw the core out of our moving car on route 30

we don't get our time back
our innocence  either
but we do get a new fall
every year the leaf turns over
every year you throw another core out of your car window

I am in your dreams
you tell the moon to shut me up
tell your fingertips to stop feeling between the rips in my jeans

How do you still remember my touch?
How do i still remember yours?
10 months removed
& my bed still sinks in on your side
my shower still drips pine scented body soap from its ledges

10 months removed
& my chest still sinks in for you

Sitting on the bathroom floor
While you shower with the curtain open
Water running out of the tub
In puddles around my feet
I didn’t mind the mess
As long as I felt close to you
I’d always ask how your day was
And you’d answer
Better now, baby
Sometimes I still let the room fill with steam
And remind myself of what it’s like to smell your melon scented body soap
But as the freshness fades
it gets harder to remember
what being in love feels like
I hand myself the towel this time
Dry off
And step out into the puddles
I don’t feel so close to you anymore

I found your purple keychain in the back seat of my car.

I remember there was a time when I felt like I couldn’t drive another mile with it dangling from my dashboard.
Pulled over on the side of the road - **** this and what it stands for.

Your idea of romance was buying everything you found in my favorite color.
Coming home with fists full of lavender to make up for a night of fists flying through the air.

Purple was a sign of forgiveness - a token of love where I didn’t ask for it.

I have a box full of love letters written in lilac ink that don’t feel like they’re addressed to me
and your purple keychain with my initials engraved on the back.

I wonder how you could possibly say that you loved me
you didn’t know me at all