Physical beauty such as one’s looks
Is truly short term-gratification
Internal beauty such as one’s
Mind or character
Is truly long-term gratification

You looked so beautiful
Artificial even
In the most original, unconventional way
Yet
I’ve tasted rejection
The millennial version
One unaccepted follow request
Was all it took
For me to nurse my hurt ego
Into a cathartic poem

I guess we were just never meant to be
And that’s okay
Because rejection is redirection
Towards my soulmate

I’m still a little embarrassed though
Hopefully when I see you
I don’t feel the need to hide
My head in the ground like an ostrich

I just smile and act as if you didn’t see me
But I still hold on to hope
Hope that maybe
Just maybe
You didn’t add me
Because you didn’t know me
I will never know
And that’s okay
Or at least that what I’m telling myself
So
It’s been a fun three weeks
Anton
Maybe I’ll read this to you someday
Or I won’t
Only time will tell

It’s quite poetically tragic
How you were my muse
Yet I
Was only an afterthought
To you
Even though you made me believe
That I was the sun in your solar system
Oh how bitter it tastes
Knowing your body language
Never lied
Yet I
Chose to listen to the words from those
Poisonous lips
Of yours
As they molded a facade over you
That kept me from the truth

After years of internal emotional torment
I’ve finally realized
That my issue
Was never about being perfect
It was about appearing to be perfect
Was never about if I was good
It was about if I was good enough

A pretty face
Isn’t hard to come by
But a beautiful soul
Now that
Is a rarity
On its own
That not many get the privilege
Of experiencing

Baby please
Please express yourself unconditionally
Because I will love you
Unconditionally
Give me the good and the bad
Don’t pick and choose
What you want me to see
I want to see the most authentic version
Of you
The one you hide
From everyone
Even from yourself
Let me see you
The unrevised you that you try so hard
To conceal
You fear rejection if you show me
But what you don’t see
Is that I’ve already done this process
With myself
I’ve stripped away my facade
To the point where I was just a string
Of stereotypes and personas
And it was in that moment
Where I began to explore who I truly was
When I learned to love myself unconditionally
It’s a daily battle
Healing
Even quite messy
Yet no one tells you that version of it
But I’m here for you
Just like another was there for me
So baby
Please
Please break for me
No
Break for you
So that you can learn to love yourself
Unconditionally
In the way that I love you
Unconditionally

When you threaten another
By your character or achievements
There will always be people
Waiting to criticize
E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
To judge your actions
Whether they fall short
Or aim outside of what’s deemed “appropriate” or “acceptable”
They focus on you
Because it sheds light
Consciously or unconsciously
On an insecurity of theirs
That manifests into
Jealousy or envy
Towards you

So understand
Being “perfect”
Is one of the worst adjectives
You can use
To describe another
Because it sets them up for internal chaos
That they aren’t equipped to fight
Unless they realize
They are independent from the thoughts
Of others and society altogether

Just a glimpse
Three seconds to be exact
Just like the research told me
That’s all it took
For me to continue my
Lingering stares

I would look for you
In places where I’ve seen you before
Trying to flirt with the butterflies
No dinosaurs
In the pit of my stomach
So that they could take five
Just enough time for me to be bold
To be confident in myself
Enough to look at you
For more than three seconds
Without quickly darting my gaze away

I’m not sure what captured my attention
There was just something unspoken
About you
But I wonder if it was just neediness
Because it’s been years
Since I really liked anyone
So maybe I like you
Because I miss the feeling
Of have a crush
Of having the nervousness
The sweaty palms
The shy smiles
Rosy blushes
Face splitting grins

Maybe I only have a crush on you
Because I needed the reminder
Of what it’s like
To have a crush
Because now that I’ve seen you
A few times
I think the infatuation has subsided
I love it
Yet I hate it
All at the same time

I want to know what it feels like
To have have your lips trail across my
Lips
Jaw
Neck
And collarbone
I want to know what it feels like
To have your hands
Gently caress the surface of my palms
Tightly grasp my waist
Leisurely move through my hair
Intentionally be placed on my inner thigh
I want to know what it feels like
To be kissed
Lightly
Slowly
Sloppily
Heatedly
Sensually
Harshly
Quickly­
On the forehead
On the tip of my nose
On my lips
On my neck
On my chest
On my stomach
I want to know what it feels like
To have someone who loves your
Body
Mind
And spirit
With no inhibitions
With no conditions

WHERE ARE YOU
do you think of me before you sleep
am I in your prayers
DO YOU STILL BELIEVE IN SOULMATES
can I still be yours
because I still believe
I have to
because just the thought of you
keeps me alive
even though we’ve never met

I’M TIRED OF BEING ALONE
I just want someone to hug
someone to cuddle with
someone to kiss
someone to hold hands with
I CRAVE EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL
INTIMACY
because I’ve been depraved of it
for far too long

sometimes I cry
because I feel the gravity of my loneliness
because I just want to be held
for longer than 3 seconds

I feel
TIRED
ALONE
EXHAUSTED
and ISOLATED
when will it all go away
how much longer must I wait
before you
the love of my life
meet
so we don’t have to feel so empty
anymore

When was the last time
You felt as though
You were seen
Facade and stereotypes aside
Just a bare, broken soul inside
Exposed to the compassionate other
Or more importantly
Have you ever felt seen
Has anyone ever looked past
The exterior you coat yourself in
Whether it be one of
Indifference
Kindness
Hatred or
Pride

When you no longer have control
Over your
Legs
Arms
Hands
Tongue
When you no longer have the independence
To speak
To move
Do you still feel the presence of love
Do you still feel the presence of right relationally with another
When you can’t translate that
Through words or actions

You are not your failures
But most importantly
You are not your achievements either
So
Who are you

It’s in these moments
Of complete and utter isolation
Where we feel as though we don’t even know who we are
Where we begin to truly understand ourselves for the first time

I want you right now
Like some want six-pack abs
It’s an unrealistic goal
To want it immediately
Because many things are needed
Patience
Self discipline
And consistency
But I can’t help but wish you were
Right here
Right now
Like some wish for abs
When they look at their stomach
I just want to hug you
For long periods of times
Let you paint my nails
And laugh at your technique
Allow you to braid my hair
After I teach you how to do so
Shave your beard
And apply tissue paper on your cuts
Make terrible friendship bracelets
And tie them around each other’s ankles
Let you teach me how to play a game you like
Go on ride alongs
where we each gather music for a certain mood
And do nothings but drive and listen
I want you
Right here
Right now
Like some want six-pack abs
But
In order for that to happen
I need to meet you  
I need to know who you are
Your face
Your name
Your favorite color
Your go to remedy for when you’re down
I need to create a history with you
But right now
I just want all the cute moments
Just like how some wish for abs
They want the aesthetic
Without having to train and eat for it

I’ve dealt with insecurity
For quite a long time
Some have said
You have no reason to be insecure
But
If you can explain it’s irrationality
Explain why I couldn’t look at myself
In the mirror to wash my hands
If I were in a public bathroom
Explain why I truly believed that
If a person said “you’re beautiful” to me
I genuinely thought they pitied me
And could see how insecure I was
So they felt inclined to compliment me
Explain why I could never try on jackets
In a store
And look at myself while other shoppers
Passed by
Without blushing profusely
Explain why I would look away quickly
After making eye contact
Or when being first introduced to someone
You see
I’ve fought for my confidence
In ways no one will truly understand
I get overwhelmingly proud of myself
For maintaining eye contact
And going to shop for clothes
Such mundane tasks
That others don’t even think about
Would silently mock me
When I was in the dark
However
What’s touched me the most
Is that I’ve learned to love myself
The most
When I was watching
And listening for the fifth time
To a little girl
Nine years old to be exact
Who pulled me into the piano room
Of a church  after service
So she could show me
Her progress on a song she’s learning
You see
She too has insecurity issues
And struggles to see her beauty
But that’s all I see
When I look at her
And it hurts me to see that she can’t see
Her beauty
Outwards and within
Regardless of the compliments I give her
And reminders I verbalize
Week after week
So
I learned to love myself
The most
While I listened to her play
And realized what it’s like
To be on the other side
To love someone who doesn’t love themselves
To love someone who is insecure
To love someone
And understand that your  voice
Might not be enough for them
To start loving themselves
I look at her and wouldn’t change a thing
And that is the way I began to look
At myself
And that is the way I began to love myself
The most

Some didn’t see it right away
Because their minds weren’t capable
Of realizing the magnitude of its meaning
Some overlooked it
Because the time they needed to put in
Exceeded their curiosity
But some cherished and understood it
For a classic is a classic for a reason
And some may never have the privilege
Of ever learning or understanding it
Because they were
Too shy
Too intimidated
Too lazy
Too occupied
To open the cover
And discover
The beauty
That is you

To my past lover
Who will never read this poem
Like you used to
With all the other ones I would write
Where you were my muse
When we were together

I miss the way you used to say my name
Because it sounded exactly like how you would say
I love you

The thing with my glass heart
Is that it
Fills very quickly
But breaks very easily
So I ask you
Can I trust you to hold my delicate heart
Or should you return it now
Before it fills anymore
Before it falls and breaks
Pieces scatter
To the point where I can’t piece it back together

Pull me flush against you
Skin on skin
Grasp my waist tightly under my shirt
And allow me to freely roam my hands
Across your chest
Stare at me as I admire the masterpiece
That is you
Close your eyes as I roughly run my hands
Through your hair
Only to gently press my lips
Against your eyelids
Forehead
Cheekbones
Jawline
Corners of your lips
And on the tip of your nose
I want your breath
Panting
In my ear
I want to feel your hands
Against my body and its curves
As your eyes lock onto mine
Soaking in all of my expressions
As you explore parts of my body
No one has before
I want to hear the quick intake of air
When I tell you I love you
As my lips are pressed against your heart

I was once asked
What my biggest turn on was
Usually
People begin to explain a specific aesthetic
Or cliche action
But to me
It’s reciprocation
Just knowing that someone wants you
The same way you want them
Speaks louder than any physical feature
The fact that they could choose anyone
In this world of eight billion people
And they decided to choose to
Be intimate with you
And reciprocate that desire
Physically and emotionally
Is the biggest turn on

We hadn’t kissed yet
But my name would roll off your tongue
As if we did
And I was dying to know how it tasted
On your lips

While I would lay on your bare chest
Your lips pressed against my neck
As your fingertips drew on my back
When mine drew
I love you
Which you weren’t aware of yet
On your shoulder
I would always quietly ask you
What you were writing
Your response
Time and time again
Would only be a smile
Which I would feel travel from my throat
To my soul
But today
You gently said my full name
But with your last name

While I would lay on your chest
Your lips pressed against my neck
As your fingertips drew on my back
I would always quietly ask you
What you were writing
You would smile
Which I would feel travel from my throat
To my soul
And gently say my full name
But with your last name

I’ve never been in a relationship before
But
I know that I’ll fall hard
When I do
You see
I have an all or nothing mindset
Coupled with a hopeless romantic lens
Which equals an interesting combination
I’m so excited
Yet a little afraid
Cuz my heart
It’s big
But it’s also fragile
My mind
It’s so hopeful
Yet it too has its realistic limitations
I don’t know
How we will meet
Or what they will look like
But
I know that I will love fiercely
Now
I must find the one whose love for me
Challenges the love I have for him

You're the kind of girl
That doesn’t get asked out
Not because no one wants to
But because we’re too scared to
You see
You’re the utopia we hope to have one day
But the thing with utopias is that
They're never meant to be obtained
But yearned for

Insecurity
Is when you give someone a compliment
And you need to hear them say
You too
Confidence
Is when you give someone a compliment
And anticipate their response to only be
Thank you

I hope I fall for you
With the feeling I get
When I’m on that carnival ride
                                                s
          ­                               e
                                   s
                              i
The one that  r        slowly
And  f       quickly
            a
               l
                 l
                   s
The thrill that accompanies the anticipation
The thundering heartbeat
The sweaty palms
The lightweight feeling
And electricity in my fingers and toes
The euphoric high that lingers after
The rush
The fall

I find myself asking if it’s
The the number of views
The the number of likes
Whether or not it’s trending
If it’s constantly a work in progress
Or an idea that has yet come to light
If it’s a simple sentence
Or fills pages in my notebook
If it’s about
Love
Or Pain
If I’ve written my best one already
Or if it’s still on it’s way
Due to something that’ll happen in my life
That I’m currently unaware of
If it’s publsihed on Hello Poetry
Or lies between the wrinkled pages
Of notebooks left in my closet at home

Everyone forgets their fears
When they’re distracted
For fear
Is a matter of perception

One night
Two strangers
Full of intimate and raw conversations
No rules
No limitations
But
The catch
We will never meet again
No exchange of contact information
Which only adds to the allure of the night
Just a boy and a girl
Who have never met prior
Free to express
Any and every
Emotion
Fear
Wish
Hope
Free to say exactly what’s on their mind
Without a societal filter
Free to express and play with the art of lying
Painting an illusion of yourself
To another stranger
Who wouldn’t know any better
Be who you truly are
Or
Be who you really wish you were
For a few hours
What do you have to lose

Just once
I want the hot guy
To notice me
To boldly pursue me
So sue me
For wanting to revel
In vanity
For a brief eternity

Have you ever stared at someone
Mesmerized by their simple beauty
Take in their breathtaking smile
And hope that one day
You can be the reason
For all of them

Have you ever looked at someone
And thought to yourself
I wish you were mine
All while trying to suppress
A shy smile
And hope
Pray even
That your eyes
In return
Aren’t revealing the depth and complexity
Of your infatuation

You see
This thing
Between you and me
Is paradoxical
Because we feel free
Inside these cages
We’ve confined ourselves in
but
Are we truly free
Or is it just an illusion of liberty

I want to be with someone
Who makes me feel
Beautiful
Because anyone can make you feel
Cute
Pretty
Attractive
Gorgeous
Hot
****
Bangin’
(You get the point)
But not everyone can make you feel
Beautiful
It’s something that’s so
Simple
And yet complex
It’s something that’s so
Pure
Raw
Untainted by carnality
It’s so
...
Beautiful

~
1. Carry a humble confidence
With you
Everywhere you go
~
2. Be spontaneous
Because the best memories (typically)
Are never preplanned
~
3. Realize that you are
Beautiful
Intelligent
Warm-hearted
But never
Allow any one of those traits
Define you
~
4. Learn to love yourself
Before deciding to fall in love
With another
~
5. Never compare yourself
To something or someone
That you were never meant to be
Compare yourself to who you were
And will be
~
6. Never crave validation
Of your worth
Through the meaningless words
Of people who don't truly understand
Or know you
~
7. Most importantly
Live.
In.
The.
Moment.
Because life's too precious
To have your focus be in anyplace
But where you currently are
~
9. Embrace all emotions
With spiritual discernment
There is no such thing
As a good or bad emotion
There are
Positive and negative emotions
And both are meant to be felt
~
10. There is a reason you feel an emotion
It is your body
Trying to tell you something
Listen
There’s a reason you’re feeling that emotion
Pay attention to your body
~
11. Never marry someone
Unless you’ve seen them
When they’re
Sick
Stressed out
And angry
It is when we are in dire situations
When our true character is tested
~
12. Others do onto you
As they wish others do onto them
~
13. People crave to be reflected
And validated in their emotions
Just as a baby and their caregiver
regardless of their age
~
14. Two words
Mimetic Theory
By Rene Girard
Go look it up
~
15. Go and flirt with that person
You think is cute
Life is too short to over analyze everything
~
16. Play the naïve narrative
It’ll work in your favor
sometimes
~
17. Recognize pretty privilege
It’s a real thing
Be cautious and careful with it
~
18. Have grace towards others
They are just projecting their trauma
It’s nothing personal to you
They’re dealing in the ways they learned
At an early age
~
19. You have the power
To break the cycles in your life
NUEROPLASTICITY
~
20. You will change
Find sometime whose own growth
Compliments yours
~
21. Depressive days
Are healing days too
Sometimes you need to take a break
From always thinking and reflecting
~
22. When you get emotional
You enter into your limbic brain
And rational thought is hindered
Because you are no longer in your
Prefrontal cortex
~
23. Any deviation from the norm
Or extremes
Calls for a red flag
It doesn’t necessarily mean that there is
Something wrong
But that there’s something
Worth taking notice
~
24. Your vulnerability is a gift
Not everyone deserves to
Receive it
~
25. Parenting is the process
Of equipping an individual
To become autonomous
And guiding them
To discover their personal identity
While you sit back and admire their discovery
In every high and low
Which means
Your children
May not have similar beliefs or tastes as you
And that is okay
~
26. You are not responsible
To be someone’s
Savior
Therapist
Drug
Crutch
Lover
~
27. your features
don't go in and out of style
~
28. five years form today (5-24-20)
you will be the same person that you are today
except for the books you read and the people you meet
~
29. sometimes people are beautiful
not in looks
nit in what they say
just in the way they are
~
30. a person in two months
can make you feel
what a person in two years couldn't
time means nothing
character does
~
31. if you're feeling down tonight
think five years ahead
think of all the good music you'll hear
between now and then
all the places you'll visit
all the food you'll eat
maybe you'll have even met the love of your life
i know life can get hard
but better things await
seek hope
~
32. i wonder how many people meet the person
they once were
and feel like they're staring at a stranger
~
33. find someone who will treat you this way
"we're all the same, we're all ****."
"this guy in front of me isn't ****,
and i'll still be here when you finally believe it too."
~
34. there are moments you remember
and
people you will never ******* forget
~
35. no onw knows us
not the human fragile parts of us
i dont think they'll ever stop
unless they see
~
36. there will be times
where you cannot change
you cannot change your parents
you cannot change your friends
there will be times
where others will refuse to accept your change
respect yourself and them
let go
maybe the version you want the to be
isn't the one they ever wanted
don't go backwards
your change happened for a reason
~
37. make your heart
the prettiest thing about you
~
38. be aware of your
emotions
thoughts
stereotypes you have of others
stereotypes others have of you
don't feel shame or embarrassment
instead
view them without judgement
but
do be aware of them and work with them
~
39. learn to be intentional
with everything that you do
~
40. seek to see the other perspective
in every moment in life
you are given the opportunity
to see life from another perspective
which breeds compassion
~
41. the worst kind of loneliness
is to not be comfortable with yourself
~
42. "I like people
who have a sense of individuality
I love expression
and anything awkward and imperfect
because that’s natural
and that’s real" - Marc Jacobs
~
43.“I like how sleeping next to someone
means more than ***
sometimes
its's the body’s way of saying
‘I trust you to be by my side at my most vulnerable time’
you have no defenses when you are asleep
you tell no lies”
~
44. do you ever get weirded out
by the fact that everyone around you
is constantly within their own mind
and thinking a million secret thoughts
and battling internal struggles
just like you
and that you’re not the only one who thinks these things
and that the people around you
aren’t just faces meant to fill up your life
but they’re actually really deep people
who have a lot more to them
than you ever actually even think about
~
45. take a deep breath
take a shower
clean your room
watch a movie
take some time for yourself
~
46. my ultimate life hack
i never wear makeup
except for occasions where i want to feel overly hot/professional
this way
people who see me everyday won’t be shocked
when i don’t wear makeup
they will instead be shocked
at how much hotter i can become
how much potential i don’t unlock
for no reason other than laziness
~
47. sometimes
the person you want most
is the person you're best without
~
48. i am mine
before i am anyone else's
~
49. my father told me once
to never date anyone
who talks smoothly around you from the start
because if someone likes you
they should be a little nervous
~
50.
~
51.
~
52.
~
53.
~
54.

Feather light trails
Of fingertips along flushed skin
Erratic breathing
Chests rising and meeting together
With every inhale
Hands fleeting
Stumbling along the way
Grins cheeky
Lips bruised and swollen
Mouths full of promised moans to come
Bodies entangled
Sheets twisted
Spirits intertwined

Tell me all your insecurities
So I can tell you
Why they aren’t