I’ve dealt with insecurity
For quite a long time
Some have said
You have no reason to be insecure
But
If you can explain it’s irrationality
Explain why I couldn’t look at myself
In the mirror to wash my hands
If I were in a public bathroom
Explain why I truly believed that
If a person said “you’re beautiful” to me
I genuinely thought they pitied me
And could see how insecure I was
So they felt inclined to compliment me
Explain why I could never try on jackets
In a store
And look at myself while other shoppers
Passed by
Without blushing profusely
Explain why I would look away quickly
After making eye contact
Or when being first introduced to someone
You see
I’ve fought for my confidence
In ways no one will truly understand
I get overwhelmingly proud of myself
For maintaining eye contact
And going to shop for clothes
Such mundane tasks
That others don’t even think about
Would silently mock me
When I was in the dark
However
What’s touched me the most
Is that I’ve learned to love myself
The most
When I was watching
And listening for the fifth time
To a little girl
Nine years old to be exact
Who pulled me into the piano room
Of a church  after service
So she could show me
Her progress on a song she’s learning
You see
She too has insecurity issues
And struggles to see her beauty
But that’s all I see
When I look at her
And it hurts me to see that she can’t see
Her beauty
Outwards and within
Regardless of the compliments I give her
And reminders I verbalize
Week after week
So
I learned to love myself
The most
While I listened to her play
And realized what it’s like
To be on the other side
To love someone who doesn’t love themselves
To love someone who is insecure
To love someone
And understand that your  voice
Might not be enough for them
To start loving themselves
I look at her and wouldn’t change a thing
And that is the way I began to look
At myself
And that is the way I began to love myself
The most