Sometimes I find it hard
To convey a thought
Because when I look back
The words I display
Don't portray what I sought

i took the last sip of coffee
just as the record started

Planning strategy, half of me
Follows through with what I want to do
And the other half takes the different path
Hath this way the only cay I have?

I feel like a disgrace to the human race
But wait, they don’t grace the face me
Don’t play with the taste of me
Stay if you wanna say with me
The things the world won’t dare to speak
Both our demons and our society
The singing they keep off our tongue
The things they don’t want
Because they know if we sung
There would be new under the sun

I'm tossed about by the winds and the waves
Between me and who You're calling me to be
I want to be a slave to the One who has saved
But I rather not do what I crave: sit comfortably

I had created a world within my mind
To retreat to the darkness behind my eyelids
My head shipwrecked on what land I could find
Welcome to my wrists, I also call my islands

Even now, I'm drowning myself in my emotion
Between the tidal waves, I'm just rowing alone
I'm creating islands to rely on in this ocean
Open my eyes so I can sense the undertone

I'm tearing through
Into your space
Mend heart clear stain
I find my place

Stay alive for me
Stay alive for me             friend
Stay alive for me  love

Move light through dark
I'm breaking apart
Nothing to say, just fide my place
I'll not give way
I know it's pouring - rain it out
Please stay awake
It's breaking my heart

Buzzcut to cut the buzz I dose
Cut ties with the side I delight
I cut my hair so they won’t stare
Giving into the plans of the Vendetta
Take the pain of VEIN and change the name

Here lately,
I've envisioned myself
standing on a stage.
I don't like the thought
of lights, or fog,
or anything like that;
those things have never really
appealed to me.
I picture myself
creating a diversion,
something we can point
the bullets at.
"Send them my way."
Is this just coffee high hypothetical?
I don't know.
We'll see.

I started the car
But I didn't get that far
I sat until the air drew thin
Still I stayed, even then
I waited for my death
Stripping myself of breath
My Savior opened the garage
And saved me from my *******
So I will drive out
And let the Lord direct my route

Aside from all these worries
When I think about my music, I’m excited
When I take a step back
To look at what God can allow it to do
I can’t wait to release it
And allow God to have it affect people
That sounds awesome

I remember the poem I wrote
Where I started talking about being on a stage
And since then
I’ve had a vision
Reading back through my lyrics
I imagined getting to talk to people
Between songs
And talk with them afterwards
And I really look forward to it

I wish I had known it then
The color in your cheeks
What's coursing through me red
A truth we both know well
We just don't know how to tell
The secret that we share
It teases with my head
It messes with our mouths
I'm in love with the hue

I wonder if I can change my addict, if I’m at it
Another character I need to give attention
And I wonder if he’s been the one preventing
He’s been so focused on who I need to please
That I’ve forgotten to plant the seeds
And water my own flowers, through His power
And I’ve allowed myself to be so bothered
That I denied either of us any water
So I just might, make him an addict to light
Addicted to the Bible as the scribe of
God, the message man to the One above
I wonder if I can take joy in the things I deploy
And if it turns this addict into the scribe

Verse 1
It takes a lot to not let a thought get rotten
Stepping into the distorting fortress and worship of conforming
It’s hard to not get caught, or get across what I sought
A believer believing the lies of the deceiver
Under siege of the one who heaves
Can you believe that? Can you believe him?
Is it possible to be a man after God’s own heart?
But if you read David’s part, it can still be hard
Doubt leading to seasons of spiritual amnesia
I wish I could shake this state but I’d like to take it
Called to become the Son except I worship the sun
But Jesus is in the boat with you and me
And holds the power to calm the sea
Then why doesn’t He?
Believe me please, it’s for a reason
I hope you’ll see, it’s just a season
If you begin to believe in the God who’s breathing
Listen for the whisper louder than the screams
I know it’s hard that we can’t fully conceive
But faith is in things we can’t see
And if we could see our will wouldn’t be free
Wait to hear how I’ve come to stand
Jesus is here so take His hand

Break
I don’t know why, I ignore what’s high
But He came to die, for the things I cry
Not all will fly but I will try
To point your eyes up toward the sky

So why do I cry when the light’s suppose to take my life?
Then why would I die if it seems so unsatisfying?

Verse 2
I see how seemingly lame it is
But what a radical change there is
For it won’t always be a distant engagement
We can find contentment in His tent
Trails and temptations but not worn and un-torn as the storm rages
This is the hope you’ll find within His pages
So get out of your cage and up from your basement
For the latent call will then be blatant
That His Word says He has overcome this world
Why would I try and it be a lie
If He cried before He even died
Pray where you are, not where you think your should be
He wants you further along where you belong
But He won’t leave, He meets us where we are
Don’t shoulder this alone—take our community
Notice the laments don’t end with despair
He is here but He won’t leave you there
The wrong can seem like it’s winning
So take the hand that we’re lending
This outlet to let it all out
Sing with me if you know what I’m talking about
See that we have peace in the tribulations
For He has taken our death and gifted salvation
He’s not asking for you to come before in perfection
Come here to take off your mask
Come with me and we’ll face this task
Because I can look like I have it all figured out
Running through this race in only one pace
But if you graze what’s behind my face you’ll see all this doubt
Built up inside so let it all out
For God has not forgot about us
It’s here, the land of our possession
So will you take it?—that’s the question

Is it that I’m, denying the truth?
Is it that I, have something to prove?
I want to prove that I’m not a loser
But I lose the truth I’m a snoozer
But I lose that fluke when I don’t rebuke
His useful tool and proof-full shoes

I can do this on my own
Do I really think
God is worth following
When life gets hard
I have to fight for myself
But without God
I feel freedom
Following Him
Is a downfall
Protecting myself
Is my only desire
Living a life of obedience
Is ridiculous to think about
Without Jesus
Everything will be fine

Heap burning coals on my head
When I am starving, You give food
When I am thirsty, You give water
When I push it away, it doesn’t grow old
When I fit, You know my mood
When I puke it back up, You give more, vintner
Heap burning coals on my head
My face will burn red
At what I know You have fed
But nothing is wasted
It’s there and I can still taste it
It’s there and I can still taste it
Heap burning coals on my head
Heal me and I want a changed me

The light over my desk is still broken
I’ve been waiting for you to open
But now I only see that you’re moping
There’s something in you that’s been stolen
And I’ve been waiting for that light to hope
It’s an easy fix so when will you show it

I feel like there's no one to confide
Hiding behind walls that confine
There's a system where I'm walled in
A rhythm that keeps me in depression
It's a pattern within I craft fire to
But it's not what I desire to do
A wall is in my way and obstructs my view
Contained by the wall that sets my life in skew
With the help of my friends I'll reach the top
With the sound we make, I won't fear the drop
Sometimes I'm able to see the other side
Then I'll look back and find my mind is tied
These lies convince me I can't get over the wall
They hype up the doubts and make me fear I'll fall
Could it all just be one of the schemes
To make me believe in such silly things

These new boxes are stressing me
Maybe I need to unlock my first one first
Then see where God is leading me
So many lines backed up in my mind
Should I cut ties and let them die?
Is it all just in my mind? I hope to not find
Use this dump for the bump, this lump I cup?
Rappin to uncap, tap if you’re at it

There’s still silence amidst the sound
Determined to wear me down
All around, I’m hounded
And pounded into the ground
Found, now I’m grounded
And surrounded
By something far more profound

Maybe it's alright
That my mind's not fine
Because the God who holds the stars
Is holding me

Maybe it's okay
My fears and doubts
Because perhaps defeating these demons
Is the beginning of my meaning

So will you still help me?
Will you stay here?
You've come down, now stand by my trench
So when I reach out a hand
Can you take it, please?

Tower of Silence - Track 5

Verse 1
Listen
Is this just my own selfish ambition?
All my doubt is taking over my vision
Could the letters in my head be my mission?
Or would the go ahead and be better off dead?
Would someone ever listen to this point or am I just missing?
Question
Is this my commission or am I just faking submission?
I must be ignoring the lesson
‘Cause I don’t know if I am dying or living
Or if dying is even worth giving
This is my faith that He’s testing, but I’m denying His blessings
Because for His sake, I’m abusing His grace
The name plate, isn’t His face
I’ve been given a new name to exclaim
But I walk and I will stay the same
I’ll talk but I’m repeating the game
Taken His own life to make a way
Given His Son in order to save
But I’ve made my own way to the grave
So whether this is dying or living
I’m so far from fulfilling
I’m too far from flying
I think I’m dying
( At least you’re trying )

Pre-Chorus
I want to fly
But why can’t I
Take up Your wings
I want to sing

Chorus
I am dry
Can’t You feel?
Can’t You speak?
I fall as I believe
I’m drifting as I think

Verse 2
Doubt, deep seeded but when it sprouts
I without a doubt know what it’s all about
But still I can feel like I’m left without
Dealing with these seasons of drought
I conjure up things He’s know to conquer
So why Father and I still bothered?
Oh how frustrating, it must be
As I sit here comfortably
How degrading, I must seem
As I fade here underneath
I know it’s dire, the sharing of this fire
I aim to inspire but the motion seems to expire
With the notion that our time is fading
And I’m debating if I’ll be waiting
So my fire seems to be waning
I have a comfortabLE ROutine
But my part seems to be fidgeting
As the sun with fade away, and my life with turn to grey
Pressure starts pulling at my brain
My faith drained—spirit contained
I’ve been robbed of my peace with the peace treaty
I’ve made with the pieces of what’s creeping
It’s the same game every day—same as it always is
Don’t want to speak my mind—waste my time explaining this
I’m an escape artist
It’s not written on my wrists, but let me present these skits
I’m a Pharisee and here I sit
Only content with the abyss
There seems to be no empathy
I’m on the verge of blasphemy
I’m alright so quit asking me
Who to be, how I see
Out of sight I walk absently
To walk by sight is just for me
The darkness suits me comfortably
This is what happens when I’m taken by worry
I guess it’s because I don’t feel worthy

Break
Lah-dah-da-da-da
Lah-dah-da-da-da

(( Can’t You feel? ))
(( Can’t You speak? ))
(( Falling as I believe ))
(( Drifting as I think ))

Lah-dah-da-da-da
Lah-dah-da-da-da

Verse 3
With what little of You is in my plans
I trudge through these stark and barren sands
My ocean is dry, a parched and des’late land
Taking the water of Your salvation into my own hands
But even as I cry, I found that as I
Look up towards You sky, I find it doesn’t meet my sight
So how worthy am I that You would go to die and trust me enough to make the eye
The problem is I can’t tell the difference between my sea and His sky
I don’t know which is which or where to start, light or dark
I’m just rowing alone, caught in the undertow
Can You drown my life?
I’m rowing through my emotions in only fragments of my parts
These days it’s hard for me to tell what’s real
What’s the sky, what’s the sea
Which is fire, cold or heat
And even what I feel
So here, here’s a message in a bottle
For if You even bother
It’s the floating dingy of what I’ve been thinking to show You that I’m sinking
Send down a strike of lightening to show me what to do
Light up my sea so my ocean can turn blue
Hit me straight on so I can see You
This sea is far too dark, and my wound has become a scar
Show to me God what is true
And teach me to hold onto You

Refrain
Keep me hold of You
Keep me hold of You
Keep me hold of You

Pre-Chorus
I want to fly
But why can’t I
Take up Your wings
I want to sing

Chorus
I am dry
Can’t You feel?
Can’t You speak?
I fall as I believe
I’m drifting as I think

Outro
(( Can’t You feel? ))
(( Can’t You speak? ))
(( Falling as I believe ))
(( Drifting as I think ))

Lah-dah-da-da-da
Lah-dah-da-da-da
Lah-dah-da-da-da
Lah-dah—

Wrote a suicide note
Thought it would be fun
Forgot what I wrote
I put down the gun

Your eyes tell me a story
Your lips never will
There's a voice behind your words
That longs to speak
But you won't let me read your story
And I can't read your lips
You refrain your heart from speaking
Saying things to me
But all that comes out is flies and spiders

I am a ghost,
one that the closest people
can see straight through.
But I'll deflect them,
transmute into someone else,
that way they won't know.

Out To Sea - Track 4

((These are songs about growing up))

I cannot see, I cannot breathe
I cannot write, what I can’t perceive
It’s like life is an illusion and we’re all living in it
Just sit down and write and put a pin in it
Maybe it will help the confusion, to put a pen to it
Time is gaining momentum
Each moment that we’re living it
Momentarily living it

Remember the moment
You have a thought inside your head
A thought so clear you can hardly control it
You get up and hold it but write it down instead
But you can hardly find the paper and pen
So the moment you go to use it
Is the moment you lose it
The thought is lost so you try to find it again
Maybe you shoulda held it in your head
And now I’m trying to find it in something I’ve read

This is it, bringing us all to the edge of our seats
It gives the hero and the enemy meaning
Held from a string, I’m singing
The screen warps our thought
Growing and molding in plot
But I’m still not, I’m caught
In-between the conflict and the driving plot
Caught between playing the hero and the enemy
I don’t know which is me, or who I’d rather be
Because what I choose to do is not what I desire to
Caught in the brain game, it’s just a daydream
No one thinks to think about the endgame
Beg the question, who will loose, I know but who will I choose
Do you ever ask these questions? Have you ever been sincere?
Do you ever look into your reflection? Do you know why you’re here?

There's no above or around
The only way's down
I don't see through this door
What's it here for?
Is there any way to find a key?
There must not be
That's when I start to wonder
If it's better to just go under
To **** myself quietly
Or loose myself in the sound
Can I somehow go around?
Or sit here comfortably?
Either way I've lost my sense of ground
I finally give in
To what might still be deception
But the only way I see fit
Is the way that's barely lit
So I head through the path that leads down

The sun seems to fall with such gravity
Don't feel like the earth as it turns from sanity
Night brings gloom as the day comes to an end
But you must know dark is not your only friend
Shortly you feel the truth of being saved
Until your hope is burried in a midnight grave
In this moment you must let shadows burn
Rise and stand your ground waiting for the night's return
We might not all make it out but please try
We will win so find hope in what's promised to die

a lifeless light
luminous, yet so dark
surrounding and cold
deep of night
with thoughts so stark
i could not break hold

Shall grace abound even more with every door?
Is it my choice to be this poor, or deep down in lore?
It’s like before, I scorn, so am I called to a deeper core?

I am burning down my hometown
Send Your flames to reign down
Burn the embers to the ground
But still You hide Your face
I am forced to look away

When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse
When it’s cold and that’s the sum, I revert
Chaos calls to chaos, it the tune of rapids
Day gone falls to trade off, then blooms habit
My deep need calls out to Your deep kindness
My feet leave by my soul is lead in blindness
Your breaking surf, Your mighty crashing
You’re making hurt, Your tidying my gnashing
Your waterfalls of weeping
Sends waves of sorrow
So I will be keeping
Because You long tomorrow
Over my soul, and cary me away
Over my roll, and wary of the way
Cascading over like a thundering cataract
Masquerade but lovingly I remain intact
God has promised to love me all day
And in the hardship I will obey
I will sing songs all through the night
For my life is a prayer
And through the morning light
Because my strife is His care

I can't just stay it that room
Otherwise I'll think too much
In the silence
I'll think of fears and sorrow and such
I must distract my mind
With something
Because I fear for the thoughts
This silence may bring

Remember the moment
You get a thought inside your head
A thought so clear you can hardly control it
So you go to write it down, but instead
No matter how tightly you try to hold it
You lose it, so you search in something you read

Like everyone I see your smile so soft and bliss
But I know there is sadness inside you too
It lingers deep in the darkness
Emerging when you thought you made it through

You stood on what was sure to be solid ground
But you never saw the hole that was really there
Falling deeper into the world's dismal sound
You suddenly realize you were standing on air

The night is meeting it's end
This gloom has meaning for now you are free
The dawn is coming and you will stand again
You, my friend, will encourage not just me

Tower of Silence - Track 14

Verse 1
The blind can’t learn to see
By opening their eyes
I can’t abolish the gloom
By putting putting in a disguise
But through faith and obedience
I can find my Lord
I will remain in prayer to Him
And abide in His Word
They live by faith, not by sight
Live in the dark, but step in the light
Guided by our noise, follow the path of His voice
The blind dance in step to what they hear
They walk in the fog, but their path is clear

Chorus
Oh
You save my life and pay my crime
So take my life and use this rhyme
To praise my name and not my line
Father I want it to be You that I praise
And through my craze, they see Your face
Hope they see that though we’re flawed
Still we’re called into Your endless grace
So I hope these words are testimony
To what You save and what You’ve shown me

Verse 2
Gulping down the morphine
Except it didn’t stop the bleeding
My emotions seeping out of me
Left feeling like a zombie—paralyzed
Because rolling down the windows only works for so far
Until I debate rolling out of the car
Found a new drug to help me sanitize
Maybe even help my polarize
Here lately it’s been chlorine
In hopes to keep me clean
But it does well to keep on killing
Now I might just need adderall
That’s why I like darkness and take cold showers
I stand up on high places to give me the power
I’ve had too much coffee, and I think way too deeply
Should have bought decaf, but I did it again
Got it black and cold to reflect my soul within
I want it all but now I’m relapsed
In an effort to take back the reigns
Of the One who overcomes the thoughts and pain
I’m thankful that my God continues to intercede
Because I’d be dead if I chose to proceed
I know it’s a lot of metaphors
But take a look at your source
And I hope it helps direct your course

Chorus
Oh
You save my life and pay my crime
So take my life and use this rhyme
To praise my name and not my line
Father I want it to be You that I praise
And through my craze, they see Your face
Hope they see that though we’re flawed
Still we’re called into Your endless grace
So I hope these words are testimony
To what You save and what You’ve shown me

Break
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh

Verse 3
How many times must I take it into my own hands
To accept the test of seasons of sand
Thinking I can manage it empty handed
Wondering where He is every time I panic
I pry at the terrain, clawing at my brain
To throw my mind inside like Moses decided
But the hole in my soil is far too shallow
I’ve killed a man then denied it
I’m on the run, dying and prying
So when the night comes and the rain falls I’m feeling hallow
Why don’t I turn—I don’t have to run back to
I look down at my palms, what I’ve written in these songs
Thought I was flying straight, until I take a step back to dilate
And I find my ****** bones have resurfaced
And my mind it surges
Do I not see how I walking’s urgent?
Do I not know His love is enduring?
Am I writing what’s pertinent?
Why have I not laid down my shovel and given it over
When Christ has already etched in His tombstone
That His love overflows and my sin is dead
But I like the company of what’s in my head
And I rather my heart be led than His Spirit lead me free
I can’t avoid the night
I can’t outrun the rains
But I can give my sight
To the one who sustains
And send all my thoughts and sin His way

Break
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh

Verse 4
So I hope you can take a rhythm
Use these shadowed songs and listen
Because not everything’s exactly bright
And there’s a blur between what’s wrong a right
Because Satan twists the picture
Using the fine lines of Scripture
Because it’s a fair question—is it enough?
Can we still have these thoughts and claim that we’re in love?
Well, without darkness what else could we write?
There would be no delivery to day from night
So I encourage you to take these raw emotions
And offer it to the God who restores the erosion
Because we have a Father by our side
The All-Knowing who guides the blind
So there are those who choose to see the apocalypse
But if you take His rest you’ll step in the glimpses
I pray you can take my graves
And see the path that I pave
Take this stone He has rolled away for your own
Dig deeper and know He has shone for your soul
Because I serve the God of transformation
And I want that to be your destination
So what do I want written on my grave?
I don’t want the fame, I won’t be a slave, so please don’t praise this stage
No I don’t like my name, I wouldn’t have this face if it wasn’t for His grace
Because God works everything our beautifully
For our good and for His glory
For those who obey lovingly
In His perfect timing, be patient and see
For He is the Lord of Sovereignty
Let that be my eulogy

Bridge
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh

Outro
So I will fall inside
Of You
And fill up all my wounds
In my hands
Revive all the graves
Within my mind
I give You all my plans

These thoughts aren’t worth nothing
These thoughts aren’t worth shunning
My mom and dad, and me they had
I *** born with this heart and mind
So these thoughts are worth trying
Grind them between my teeth until I die
Might as well, who am I?

Tower of Silence - Track 8

Verse 1
I’m burning
But still cold, Am I learning?
I’m tending to this fire
But it never grows much higher

Hook
((( Darkness is a room, one of many in this mansion I call my brain
I’ve left, I assume, but still I hear those demons scream my name )))

Pre-Chorus
Deep calls to deep with the roar of Your waterfalls
See as I weep, I don’t trust You in the falls
All Your waves and breakers have swept over me
I’m with all the sleepers, let me drown at sea

Chorus
My heart, is so black and white
I think that you’re right
I’m just black, I’m going back
It’s a heart attack

Verse 2
How could you say everything’s alright
When I’m not even putting up a fight
I’ve created my own religion
A world in which I’m barely living
Within walls I’ve just written in
I’m working my way through this system
As I’m dreaming but it’s not my vision
All I want is a spark
And ember in the dark
You are my torch in this dry space
Be my light between two places
I don’t want to be alone
As I find my way back home

Pre-Chorus
Deep calls to deep with the roar of Your waterfalls
See as I weep, I don’t trust You in the falls
All Your waves and breakers have swept over me
I’m with all the sleepers, let me drown at sea

Chorus
My heart, is so black and white
I think that you’re right
I’m just black, I’m going back
It’s a heart attack

Bridge
((( A lifeless light, luminous, yet so dark
     Surrounding and cold
     Deep of night, with thoughts so stark
     I could not break hold )))

Verse 3
I am burning down my hometown
Send your fire and flames to reign down
Burn these strongholds to the ground
But still You hide your face
And I am forced to look away
I’ve had the tough of Your torch
And I feared I wasn’t of the sort
It isn’t enough to sort of touch
Is it enough of such to stand on Your porch?
It isn’t enough, a touch, I want that much
Just give it a touch—you’ll see He’s such
I’ve touched the tough and You are much, You are my torch
Now I’m such to have the touch of Your torch
Standing on my porch, I’ll show You His worth, the tough He endures

Bridge
My heart, is so black and white
Deep calls to deep with the roar of your waterfalls
I think you’re right
See as I weep, I don’t trust You in the falls
I’m just black
All your waves and breakers have swept over me
I’m going back
I’m with all the sleepers, let me drown at sea
My heart, is so black and white
Deep calls to deep—(waterfalls)
I think that you’re right
See as I >weep< — I don’t <falls>
I’m just black
>all Your waves<  <over me>
I’m going back
>sleeper<  <drown at sea>
It’s a heart attack

Verse 5
Please excuse me, how could I write something so contradicting?
I’m sorry, I don’t know who it is I’ve been depicting
Disappearing into my own sung theories
I hope it’s not confusing, I know it’s tongue-twisting
How conflicting, is it wrong to write what I’ve been thinking?
I’m not sure what it is I revel—is it God or the devil?
Looking back, I must be careful
Not to be dragged back—we are rebels
Sometimes I rather just wallow in my sorrow
But I don’t want you or me to be ****** into the funk
So I will try to testify the sky
With the introspective thump of our hearts’ rhythmic hum
My fingers the gates, this pen the flood
Singing as there is nothing new under the sun
What’s underneath—is it flesh or is it blood?
If I told them exactly what it is I do
I wonder if they’d say we’re through
I think you’re right, they just might, turn away from You
It’s hard to find a balance, so ignore my talents
I don’t want to be heard, I want you to listen
To this session of introspection
Look a little deeper and you’ll see what’s written
Take apart my art and you’ll find what’s written on your heart

This morning, my life was without taint
But as the day goes by,
My heart will grow faint
Beaten down by the voices
That taunt my head
Then I forget
The war that's lead
I let another day go by
Polluting what should be
A clear blue sky

The difference between
Being awake and dying
For one, is trying
That's all we're
Called to do
You have saved me
So I'll try to love You

Out To Sea - Track 3

(((Early age, I barely remember this stage
When I started to face, but I looked away)))

What I’m trying to say is...
I’ve been waiting, for a thought to come to mind
A thought so good, one that I can make a storyline
‘Cause all I can seem to think is, how much I want to write
So I sit, pen in hand
And I write as much as I can
But still by the end of it, I’m lost
I can’t keep up with my thoughts
And I’m awful, ‘cause I had this dream when I was a kid
But these things are disappearing with the older I get
I’ve been sitting as the ink drips and my mind slips—going dull
So perhaps I should just go back to using the pencil
Foraging in the origins, in the roots to see what grew

More things get in the way, day by day
And I just can’t write, and I don’t know why
I don’t have time and when I do I sigh
I present this stuff to God because I cry
And I know He hears, even though I don’t really talk to Him
I just write, and expect Him to take them
But I hold onto these notes and don’t listen
And maybe that’s a problem—better yet, it is
I know it is but I always lose thought
Of the hope I have
And I go back to writing
And it doesn’t make sense
And I start all over again.
So here I am
I’m writing this song
To just explain to you in a way
That I’m crazy

I don’t know what the next songs hold
And I know you probably won’t get them
But it’s the prologue I never told
If you’re here to hear, just keep trying
It’s fine if you don’t understand
It’s not part of the plan
Only few comprehend
Don’t try to keep me congregated
I’ve done that for long enough
And now my thoughts are complicated
I like it this way, it’s for your own good
It comes out the wrong way
So keep back because you really should

I set out

                   for
                  a


                               noiseless
          room.
                         But then

         I remember                 the

silence

                           depresses



me.

Out To Sea - Track 2

I begin to hear screams
Coming from my dreams
They come from underneath
The come from beneath—what?

Worth
A thought worth mentioning
Is a thought worth depicting
But the thoughts I have, make me feel insane
People call me crazy, and I begin to hate my brain
Thoughts
They keep coming
They won’t stop
They take over my body
Until I feel what’s left of me
And what’s left of me I can’t explain
Dreams
They come at certain moments
Momentarily you know it
Make you rethink your life
Want to relive your life, right
Reality
But then it ends
You hit your bed and your morning begins
You hold onto what is left
Barely there, but left on the tip of your breath
You search hard, unable to remember
Unable to decide if it’s reality
Or if you’re just a dreamer

As a kid it was different
They were all happy dreams with happy things
But now it seems the picture’s different than we dreamed
You start to grow up and you start to do things
And your dreams change from happy thoughts
To those who haunt your past
To the things you thought you forgot
And reminds you of the task
It’s not fun anymore, is it?
No, not at all
You just want to fall
Down, down, down
Out of this dream, onto your bed
Up from the floor, before your dreams were dead
Out of this thing
Where nothing seems to seem
Right anymore
Youth out the door

Nothing really stays the same
Between the dreams and the nightmares
You forgot why you came
Unprepared and unaware
But the message I’m portraying
Is not what I’m saying
I forgot why I’m here
Am I even near
To what you want to hear
Oh please, oh dear
It’s not music to please your ear
It’s to show you that we all live in fear
So give me a chance to speak my thoughts
No, don’t keep me in a box
My insight unlocked
But I fear that it’s not...

See, I write these songs
But how am I suppose to record
The beat that’s in my head
Braindead
I rather keep it stored
Take a walk inside my head
Can’t you hear it, can’t you feel it?
I was pronounced braindead
So leave it

((This is my prologue. I hope you enjoyed.))

Am I a martyr for the Father?
A piece of flesh to show what’s best
Tethered to this to show the better
And though I’m dying, I come alive
As I am trying, for you to realize
To take your weather and learn my breakers
That our God is greater
Than all I could ever prove
So I will move aside
To demonstrate our Savior

Tower of Silence - Track 6

Verse 1
I think I just don’t recognize it
Or maybe I’m just prone to disguise it
Either way I fight it
I use to let the eyes in the dark
Creep in my conscious and part my heart
Staring up at the ceiling, hardly breathing
The fan circling, my life in loop
The weight of my demons, it’s time to regroup
Staring at the waves, but it’s just that ceiling—
Beams are the things with no balance—as far as I’m reaching
I have instances in my reality
Where I stand and hold my breath cowardly
I have a voice inside me, disguised
That says I’m a mad man and lies
I have moments that tear me down
So I fall and drown
I’m desperately pleading, my fear is screaming
But still I’m sleeping, my soul is freezing

Hook
So I would write to rid a mind of wrong
But as it turns out, the eyes would read along

Verse 2
I don’t know why
Some days I decide
I’m better off stay quiet
Lock myself in another room
As I will enter a state of gloom
I like it
I’m ignoring your eyes, I’m deserting your fight
I don’t know why, I like to make you cry
As you watch the being inside of me
Becomes the thing it doesn’t want to be
Trying your hardest to make me feel, to fill my well
Can’t I just claim that I’m being real?
I can’t just lose the voices I know so well
But I can’t just stay in that room
Otherwise I’ll think too much
In the silence, I’ll think of fears and sorrows and such
I must distract my mind with something
In fear of the thoughts the silence may bring
You have a life, come in and see
So take this pen and do as you please
But in time, please remember Me

Hook
So I would write to rid a mind of wrong
But as it turns out, the eyes would read along

Verse 3
So still I stare into the crimson eyes
My emotions hyped and the darkness vamped
And I give into the call of the neon lamps
Bruised but compelled not to say goodbye
I have a God who fights my battles
But still my head spins and rattles
I’ve developed a tendency to do my own doing
And that’s why my fears are moving
They move through the night and out of sight
But in reality my hope is never losing
I must avoid those eyes, give You the key
You are my hope and again I see
I give my life to You, do what You do
And show me what it means to believe, and follow You

Bridge
Help me breathe, help me breathe, help me breathe, help me bea-eathe
Help me breathe, help meee breathe, help me breathe, help me breathe!
Help my brea-eathe, help me breathe, help me breaaathe, help me breathe
Help me breathe.

Verse 4
I believe many people would say nighttime is not their best time
Because after nine lives our crimes are realized
But when the sun sets if upsets and regrets progress
Our interests are shown from beneath the surface, but from the surface you won’t learn this
Because my nonsense makes your contents look non-violent
So we digress beneath the mess, but putting on a mask to disguise our lies
But for me I find it’s the day
Because by the time I reach midday, my faces hides and I put on a play
In hopes the night will fade away
And then my mind will walk astray, in fear my thoughts will stay this way
But then the surface will start to decay
And then I find the truth behind, that you and I are not so different—keep that in mind
Because when the sun rises, it reveals what’s common inside us
But for some reason we hide this and put on our disguises
Honestly, it cures my insanity
It pleases me to find people like me
Because, truth be told
We are not so different—you and I
Do we all just ignore this great blue sky?
Because by the time the day reaches noon, we all know night will he here soon
Then another day will be haunted by night’s nihility
So to reach our comfortability
We hide behind our mask to please the lie
The lie we find so common inside
Thinking as if it will keep us alive
But the truth is—it’s dead, alright?

Out To Sea - Track 1

Verse 1
I was up all night
I can’t explain why
Just sitting here thinking
Gazing at the sky
...But you know that’s a lie
What I’m really trying to say is I was staring at the ceiling
Pondering the word “why”
Am I sitting here or am I just dreaming

I guess I’m just a little stir crazy tonight

Chorus
Why’m I still scared in the morning?
I feel my steps have been stalling
Oh I’m falling, oh I’m falling, down
Why’m I so lost in the evening?
I’m afraid to slow my heart’s beating
Still You’re calling, still you’re calling
Telling me to slow, down
Down, down, down, down

Verse 2
The stars they pass by
In the darkness of the night
I walk outside, down the street, until I stop my feet
With steps piled up, crying, miles behind me
I begin my decent
Down a spiral decline
And find myself somewhere
Where I cannot define

I guess I’m just a little stir crazy tonight!

Chorus
Why’m I still scared in the morning?
I feel my steps have been stalling
Oh I’m falling, oh I’m falling, down
Why’m I so lost in the evening?
I’m afraid to slow my heart’s beating
Still You’re calling, still you’re calling
Telling me to slow, down
Down, down, down, down

Verse 3
Every day I overdo it
Just yesterday I was through it
Focused on the windowsill
My life at ease and chill
But with the thump of roadkill
I look back through the rierview mirror
And see the things I feared

I guess I’m just a little stir crazy tonight!

I’m scared when I finally have to drive
I fear that my mind will take a ride
I can feel that I’ve been too thoughtful
In a way that’s bad an harmful
My parents want me to have a car
But I know my mind will stray too far
It’s just another room for my mind
Trapped in a moving vessel I’ll get lost inside
Claustrophobic yet my mind won’t abide
I’m scared that I’ll lose control
My demons take the wheel and overthrow

They say I’m introspective—to a fault
And they say I got a lot to say
But I’m not sure I quite know what’s at bay
Like there’s more I feel that’s delayed
And I’m afraid of the decay if it comes out
If it comes out, it would be my fault
I’ve been making my own cult
And if they go down, it’s my toll
Cursed with the smarts to carry it all
But is it wise if it’s their demise?
Is it wisdom to have this freedom?
Is it beyond boundaries to feel contaminated?
Is it wrong to feel so gone?
Look, I’ve stepped out in a world that can’t go out on a branch
But that doesn’t seem to make a change or give me a chance
Why must these things be published, if it tips them over their brink?
Is it all just some *******—all these things I have to think?
Why is there always doubt within my creativity?
Does it reflect me?
Is it terrifying to speak freely, to God and Him back to me?
Or is it these tricky schemes, playing me?
How does all this doubt advocate the pearly gates?
How will anyone enter in at this rate?
Can it be applicable to their plate?
Can my belt help with the cards they’ve been dealt?
Or am I a fool to stand up on a stool?
Is it a rule in us to try to be cool?
Using tools we forge to scourge our duel
And I can’t tell if this war is actual
Because I can’t feel what’s factual
Or that I’m going back to the walls

From my words I want you to actually listen for something
You think how could he say this when he has everything
I feel for their pain, because I am a human being
I'll weep for the lost but won't praise any king

There are other artists who haven’t bought it
They caught it, and I hope I’ve taught it
But I can still feel so alone in my discovery
Pleading that this isn’t another dream
That some deeper form of darkness has got us in
I feel like I’m always missing something, so I ask
But still there’s that someone shunning
So I hope to plunge in
Because I want you to think
Because I think when you do,
You’ll begin to see the Lord show through

Why have others been spared while I have been standing there?
Must I be closer to Your throne to have something shown?
How can I come closer when You feel so much farther?
How does everyone else preach when I can’t even reach You?
Am I meant to be so far, so people will somehow see You from my scars?
Is that possible, is it probable?
Is this how You make me more like You, to die and feel so far so they can come closer to?
They seem to know something, but I know their loneliness is buzzing
And they’re so far from You, unlike what I should have done to
I don’t understand, but I know You have a plan
Is it that I stay in this state of my whirl, to see the state of this world?
Like Your Son was, and what He does?