what is wrong and what is right
the world used to be in black and white
but dark seeped in and colors blurred,
and it is impossible to find truth in anyone else's word.
i live my life in grey
i dance on the seams of the ever dimming light
and what i can never appear to understand
is why i am standing still while others around me grow
i think i have it all together
i organize the lines and it put the facts into a pattern
but with my work complete
my tempestuous existence knocks it over
and i feel myself fall right back into the darkness
from which i was trying to pull away
she's the girl who sits at the back of the class with a frown on her face.
she's the girl everyone thinks is "too cool" to care.
she's the one who no one gives a second thought to.
they don't wonder.
they don't care.
she acts out just to be seen, but instead she just gets brushed further aside.
she's a *****.
they make fun of her behind her back.
they don't see her other side.
she comes home from the parties late at night.
her hair is in a beautiful tangle, her makeup crazily smeared.
the smell of ***** is on her breath.
she has a distant stare in her eyes.
she walks past her brother faded on the couch.
she ignores his muffles cries.
wants to stop mom being beaten by dad, but knows it won't help
even if she tries.
life isn't a fairy tale, smooth sailing and pretty blue skies.
maybe it is for them.
but for her,
and love dies.
Stay away from me.
Try not to talk to me much,
Or you can just ignore me altogether.
Please tell me you will go away
Sorry if you thought I could handle this, us.
The truth is, I thought I could too.
Over these past few weeks I have not been ok.
Plans change, but this does not mean I don't still want you.
Seeing you, it will be hard not to run into your arms.
Telling myself I don't feel anything for you is not working.
Of course I am going to hurt for a while.
Promise me you will at least act like you don't notice.
Pretend that we didn't even happen.
Life can go on for you.
Even if you can't forget me, be happy with the fact that you are free.
Anybody can see, it was not meant to be.
Save your tears, for this is an ending you should have seen coming.
Everybody knows, a broken girl is better off lonely.
Find someone who can love you in one piece.
Ordinary girls will do much better than me.
Remember you are worth everything and nothing can change that.
Give someone else the kind of love you gave to me.
Everything will work out in the end.
That is, for you.
My problems still weigh me down,
Even when I seem like I am over it.
The first letter in each line holds meaning.
I don’t like the word
It has lost its meaning.
Because what I feel isn’t just sad
It isn’t just hopeless.
There is a void deep inside of me.
Every time I feel an ounce of happiness,
A small amount of pride,
I don’t have time to enjoy it before it’s gone
I’m left with a sick feeling I can’t even explain
I want to crawl in a corner and cry
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
I want to open these shattered wings and fly
Away from everything
And then it happens
The hollow feeling turns numb
I don’t care
I don’t feel
I don’t want to live
I don’t want to talk
I don’t want to tell you how I feel
And I sure as hell don’t need you trying to tell me it will be ok
When I know it won’t
I’m sorry that I don’t smile enough
I’m sorry that I don’t tell you everything.
I put on a face
But when I’m with you, I can’t hide.
You see through the “happiness”
You see the real me.
YOU don’t make me sad.
YOU are the only one that sees behind the mask.
I can’t lie to you,
Even though I try my hardest.
I can’t pretend with you,
Even though I wish I could.
You know me,
And you won’t let me down.
I’m sorry that when you are happy I make you sad.
I’m sorry that you have to keep helping me.
I forget that you love me sometimes.
I forget that you just want what is best.
I am lost and you are trying to find me.
But maybe it’s been too long.
I can’t lie and say I’m happy,
But I can’t lie and say you can fix me either.
I want you here.
Tell me you care.
I can’t hold onto you,
Unless you make it clear.
Can’t be all for you,
Unless I know you’ll always be there.
Some days I can’t control me,
Some days I just can’t make it.
I want to run away,
I want to fall.
On those days show me the way,
On those days push me further.
Make me want to stay,
Don’t let me fall.
It’s not easy I know,
But you tell me you love me so,
This is what it takes.
This is what you have to do.
I’m not asking you to do it,
But if it’s real love,
I don’t have to.