When you're tired and in hospital
It feels like everyone is against you
The demons come back stronger
You can't do anything but listen
All you can do is what they say
No medications are right
You're eating but there's no finish line in sight
I can't do anything right
All I'm doing is the wrong thing
Why is it that no one understands
I don't do things consciously
Half the time I don't know what is happening
I can't wait until I get enough meds to overdose
Then I can be left alone

Saying goodbye is hard
Especially when the person is good
Helping you when you thought you weren't worthy
Why does it happen?
To let these people go from your recovery
When you have people constantly leaving
Makes you wonder what is wrong
It's your recovery so you should decide who is on
Not let the people who rarely see you
All you can do is say thank you
Thank you for your support
Thank you for caring
Thank you for listening

Another night fighting the demons
Not the monsters under the bed or in the cupboard
But the demons in my head

This battle has been long
It has been 10 years of fighting
And still not getting any better
Slowly these demons are winning

A few more scars on my body
I don't feel any better about it
These nights are getting longer and longer
Taking a bit of me everytime

These demons are getting stronger as I am getting weaker
Wondering how long this battle will go on
I am losing hope in this journey of recovery
Every time I feel like I'm getting better I self destruct

Why is it that I am wanting to be recovered
When all I do is self destruct
I am crying out for help but no one seems to hear me
These demons in my mind are controlling my every action

You say you're fine
But you lie all the time
I'm fine is just another lie
What you truly mean is you need help

You go about your daily life
Hoping someone catches your lie
Every step you take gets harder each time
No one knows that you're struggling to stay alive

The phrase that you use over and over
Is just a way to get through the day
Until you get home and no one is there
You start to cry and wonder why no one caught you saying a lie

Do you have people who care about you
How long have known them for
Have they said that they will stick by you
Do they or do they leave

They say that they understand your condition
They say that they won't leave even if you push them away
You're giving them an out
Because you know if they leave when you need them the most

Do you think you are a good person
Have you been there for them when they needed you
Di they reapat back by being there for you
Or do they say you are too much to handle

Do you believe the things they said
Or do you believe that they are wrong
Were they in a bad mood
Or was this a thing tbat was going to happen eventually

Why is it that there is a stigma around mental health
Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not real
Everyone gets some form of mental health in their life
Not everyone understands why.

First coming into hospital
I was concerned about not having anyone
Or being the youngest patient
It was scary because it was a new thing

The first few weeks weren't the best
Being told that I would be sent over to the public
Not knowing any of the nurses
I felt so alone

Weeks go by and I am still getting used to how everything goes
What the intentions of the nurses were
Or if the other patients would understand me
If I would meet someone my age

Now that I have been in here for two months
And the talks I have had with the nuses
Has inspired me to get better
Recovery is a long path

Life is
Recovering from mental illnesses is harder
You never know what day you will have
If it's a good day or a bad day

You just have to go with the flow
It's hard but in order to recover you have to learn to net let things get to you
Letting go of the past when there are still issues that need to be sorted out
Doesn't help

I'm not going to lie I am nervous about recovery
I don't know if I am going to recover fully
But what I do know is that I don't want to be this way forever
I want to be able to travel

Life is a mystery
Life is unknown
The beauty of life is that it is a journey