First slice
You feel pain
Second slice
You don't feel numb
Third slice
You continue slicing
Keep slicing until the numbness has gone
You think that this is the only thing you can do
After multiple slices
You start to regret what you have done
You see the new scars that you have created
Blood soaks through your clothing
Red on your hands and down your legs
Next morning
The day before is present on your body
You gave into the urges but didn't cut deep enough to die
The voices aren't as pleased as what they would be
But you pleased them enough to quiet them down

Stuck in hospital
No one coming to visit
All you have are other patients
They don't understand what goes on in your mind

Psychiatrists don't listen
They say the same old things
Discharge you when you're not ready
All they care about is the money they receive or don't receive

Problems aren't being sorted out that needs to be
Only focusing on one thing that is a side effect of the major thing
Nurses can't do anything besides push you
They don't understand

It feels like no one is listening to your cry for help
No one cares if you go home and hurt yourself
No one cares what happens after discharge
Why should you care if no one else does

Tick Tock
Time goes slow when you're in hospital
Tick Tock
What you think was two minutes was actually one
Tick Tock
You feel like your losing your mind and that's what they want
That's what your mental health wants you to feel like
It's punishing you for going to hospital
Tick Tock
Every second you're in hospital, your mental health is thinking of punishments
Tick Tock
Careful what you say because it determines how severe your punishment is
Tick Tock
Beware of the traps they set, the psychos that is
Tick Tock
No one cares because you are not suicidal
They let you go to let you suffer

Christmas is nearly everyone's favourite time of the year
Reasons mainly being with family
However people who don't like eating don't like Christmas as much
Everyone finds something difficult about Christmas
Whether it's money, family or eating
You can't do your usual hiding technique
How do you prepare for it
You don't eat for the week before, you workout to lose weight
You know that you have to do anything in order to prevent yourself from gaining too much weight
Christmas is torture

My life is a mess
I found a pair of scissors
Now my arms are a mess
Everyone think that I'm okay
Truth is that I'm not

I have depression, anxiety and eating disorders
I am a 105 days clean from cutting and chocking
But I still get the urges
Some days the urges aren't bad but other days I'm close to hurting myself

I used to get called an emo or an attention seeker because of my scars
I am paranoid that I have become a disappointment to everyone I know
There is one person who knows what's wrong but she doesn't understand me

I can't live with the mistakes I have made
I don't believe that there is anything or anyone out there for me
People judge me because I'm not skinny
So I restrict to be like everyone else

I self-harmed because it was the only thing that helped me feel alive
I self-harmed to feel pain
I self-harmed to get even with what people have done to me

Self-harm is not just cutting, chocking, scratching or burning
Restricting and purging is self-harm
I'm not clean from self-harm completely
I'm close but to stop restricting and purging is harder then ever

This is me
I don't like me one bit
It's a miracle I have made it this far
I don't expect to be here for much longer