When I say I’m a hopeless dreamer,
I mean when I think of traveling the world,
I think of the 35 cents
Sitting on my counter:
I can travel to the couch and back.
When I say I’m a hopeless romantic,
I mean when I think of you and I,
I think of finding a *** of gold
At the end of a rainbow:
Not going to happen.
See, I’ve got dreams,
I think of romance.
But I’m also quite aware of reality,
And I’m aware of things that just aren’t possible.

You know the line,
Where the sun meets the ocean?
When all the beach
Is engulfed in hues of red, orange, purple.
I want to sit out, and watch that happen.
Watch the sun set into its own work of art.
You know the infamous clock,
Big ben?
The one in London that everyone loves.
I want to sit, right after dark
And paint the beautiful tower.
I’ll watch as the locals make fun of me,
A tourist in awe of a clock.
But I won’t care,
Because I’ll have checked it off
Of my simplistic little bucket list.

Time flies.
You know this.
Yet you use it up so selfishly.
No one is promised tomorrow.
You know this.
Yet you use your days to criticize people,
Instead of trying
To make they’re unknown tomorrow better.
Words are strong.
You know this.
Yet you throw them around
Like they’re paper *****
And not hand grenades.
You hurt people.
But once again, you know this.

I am sad.
You are happy.
Like clouds and rain,
We work perfectly together
In keeping everything sane.

Holding onto you
Is like carrying around
Broken glass by hand.
Incompetent and unethical.

You don’t need to write an essay
To prove to me you care
Because actions speak louder than words.
Check on me when I need it,
And for you I’ll do the same.
But when I need you the most,
Please don’t banish
In the midst of everything insane.

Once he regretted his mistakes,
It was too late.
For she had already moved on.

It’s so odd,
How it takes years to build a life.
A life you’ve put so much effort into,
A life worth living.
And then
In an instant,
Everything can change.
And all your hard work
Banishes into nonexistence .

I love how when you lie,
Your snake like words
Slither across your tongue
And out of your mouth
Oh so effortlessly.

I always say
Don’t worry,
Because the storm
Comes before the rainbow.
When do you think
I’ll start taking my own advice?

If I died,
Would you care?
The real question is,
If I lived
Would you care?
Will you cherish me
When I’m here
And not just
When I’m gone.

Standing in a place of familiarity
Yet feeling so distant.
The unwanted emotions
Are coming up my body
And closing up my throat.
I’ll be okay.
Keep saying it.
Then it’ll be true.
I’ll be okay
I’ll be okay
I’ll be okay.
Why isn’t it working?

I remember
When you would kiss me,
Coca-Cola fresh on your lips.
I remember
When you’d get upset
If I didn’t reply
In a matter of minutes.
I also remember
When you only gave me side hugs.
And began to take days
Just to reply.
I remember
Falling in love.
And I remember
Falling out.

I should be happy
But that’s not how I feel.
I’m sitting in a puddle
Of sorrow and doubt.
And though it’s just a puddle,
There’s no way out
If I stand up,
Then maybe I won’t drown.
But something,
And I don’t know what,
Is holding me down.

Sometimes,
I’m not asking for much.
Sometimes,
I just need to hear those 4 words.
“I’m here for you”...

Your touch.
It send jolts
Of electricity
Through my veins.
Your smile.
It sends swarms
Of butterflies
Through my body.
Your voice.
It soothes me
On horrible days.
You.
All of you.
Is what’s saving me.

I sit,
A silent dandelion
Tending to itself.
You come in,
A thundercloud
Waiting to ruin my day.
My petals don’t hold strong,
You know this.
You don’t require much wind
To clap,
And wash me away.
It happens again,
Your thunderous quake
That ruins everything.
I’ll wait for the storm to pass,
I’ll act unbothered.
Then I’ll sit.
A silent dandelion stem,
Tending to itself.

I don’t like to rhyme
Because that’s the stereotype.
I love standing out,
Yet I crave fitting in.
I want to make a difference
But I hate the attention.
I want to enjoy life,
But I stay in the shadows instead.

I sleep too much.
Yes, I've been told.
But,see, when I sleep
Everything bothering me
Seems to disappear,
Just for a moment.
The more I sleep,
The longer the moments last.
So yes, I sleep a lot.
Maybe too much.
But it's my escape
To the only happy I know.

When you first meet me
Just know
I'm a century plant.
I start as a seed,
Yet I do not grow.
It takes years
For me to open up
And experience
True happiness.
For this,
I'm Sorry.

It seems as if
All of my rhythm
All of my creativity
Has been suckled out
Like a sad puddle
On a dry day.
Where have my words gone?
I need them now more than ever.

Dainty little daisy
Alongside
A wilting little sunflower.
Sometimes it takes
One to go
For one to grow.

How is it
I build myself up
Void to no emotion
Then when you come along,
I'm putty in your hands?
All that hard work
Out the window,
Just for You.
Mold me,
I'll be anything you want.
Just don't leave me.
 Again.

A straw house
In the middle of a tornado.
There's no being "ok"
That straw house
Is ruined.
Time to pick up the pieces
And start to rebuild.
There's no recovery.
Only a clean slate.
That little straw house
Will never be what it once was.

You were like a kite in the wind
I was the hopeful little child
Who could never get you
To where you needed to be.
Running for hours
Hoping you would catch up
And fly
Ever so delicately.
But you never did.
I couldn't control you.
Maybe that's why
It was so hard
To say goodbye?

I try too hard.
I know, I've been told.
But I just want to fit in
I just want to be liked.
I guess that's too much
To ask for.
I can't please you
And you don't accept me either way.
I be myself,
You hate it.
I try changing,
I'm 'fake'.
Who do you want me to be?

It's been a long time
Since I've seen you happy.
I miss those days.
I wish I could go back in time
To fix whatever broke
Your beautiful smile.

So many of us
Can only find despair.
We are just traveling through
A dark tunnel we can't find the end to.
Don't give up yet.
Because for all you know,
You're just two steps away
From the light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't like to express myself
Because I know I'll be put down.
You say you wouldn't do that to me,
But darling,  don't you see?
You already have.
So now I sit silently
Having nothing to share.
No individuality.
No importance,
No need to be here.
I'm about as needed
As a white crayon is
On white paper.

Sitting in the dark,
The soundless void consumes me.
Where did I get to the point
Where even my thoughts have no sound?

We were once inseparable.
But then the strength of time
Drifted us apart.
I leaned on you, you leaned on me.
We were the best of friends.
Can't  we go back to how it used to be?

Hallows Eve.
Just another night
With a twist.
You take off the masks,
Tonight there's no need to hide.
Because in reality,
The monsters are hidden inside.

The feelings have stirred up.
The unwanted anxiety.
"No one invited you, please leave."
It's not listening to me,
So I run.
They say you can't run from your problems.
Watch me.
I'll run.
Mentally.
Physically.
I'll run until my cheeks are wind burnt.
Until my lungs are on fire.
I'll run until my problems melt away.
I'll run until pain
Is just another irrelevant word.

Can we forget about now?
Can we not think of tomorrow?
Let's go back in time,
Where things were happier.
Simpler.

You were my first love.
My first kiss.
My first butterfly feeling.
You were my everything.
But first and foremost,
You were my first heartbreak.
Fall nights with our bodies huddled up
Intertwined together liked roses on a fence.
Those nights I wished would never end.
But she called you up and you went running.
Everything we once had was gone.
****.
In one moment, my whole world changed.
My soft heart open to anything you asked,
Shut down and isolated itself.
I cuddled with my anxiety
On those fall nights.
You told me you loved me
For more reasons
Than there are stars in the sky.
Come back please,
And feed me one more lie?

I write poems to express my feelings
        But the problem is
   I don't know how I'm feeling.
The search party is still out
 Because I know somewhere out there
Deep down inside
Is the little girl I used to be
Just trying to hide.
Hide from all the hate that was so foreign
The hate that's  part of her life now
But she just won't accept it.
  She's looking for the rainbow
But the rainbow isn't there.
She's just trying to find herself.
But there's hate everywhere.

I had a wonderful night.
I have a great life.
But something feels empty,
And I don't know why.
I feel like I'm dieing ,
Yet I'm perfectly fine.
Something's not right
And there's no way to explain.
I want to go live my life freely,
No bonds tieing me down.
I don't want to think about the consequences.
Because I don't know if there will be a tomorrow.
I don't want to be here,
But I'm trying so hard to make the best of it.
What is wrong with me?
Someone tell me.
Please.

You've been gone so long
You haven't got to see
This little broken butterfly,
With little broken wings.
I'll heal soon,
then see you again.
Because this little strong butterfly
With little strong wings
Will fly far away
And accomplish beautiful things.

I took a long hard look in the mirror,
And I didn't like what I saw.
Staring back was a sad, hopeless, lost loser.
Surely, that's not what I see.
I'm sending out a search party
To find myself
Because when I look in the mirror,
I don't know who's staring back at me.