If eyes are the window to the soul
It's no wonder why mine are blue

Behind every laugh
A monster
Patiently waits
To crawl his way out
Between the folds
Of my grin
To whisper
Tempting words
“Pick up that knife”
            “Commit another sin”
Reminding me
Of the dark places
I have been

A part of me
I cannot escape
He’s always ready
For an encore
But he doesn’t know
I have found things
In life to adore
Passion to distract
From the ongoing war
To show him
That he isn’t holding
The reins of my life
Anymore

The spot he hides
Whenever I smile
Will become his home
This time for more
Than just a little while

You wanted my heart
Served medium rare
Emulating a love
To make everyone stare

You didn’t waste time
And you dove right in
Consuming all I had
Between your apathetic grin

But you weren’t prepared
For the blood and the mess
You wiped your hands of me
Like you couldn’t care less

After you were done
I was left with no life
Because I cut out my heart
With your sharpened steak knife

I say
I am facing my fear
Of loneliness
I know
I am avoiding my fear
Of vulnerability

Invisible strings connected us
But for years they were just that
            Invisible

Through mutual friends
Going to the same parties
We made our rounds talking
That always ended with each other

To living across the hall
And walking me home
On the nights when I kept drinking
When I should have stopped

The same classes
The same homework
Which you often forgot about
Until I got you to do it with me

The same warmth resting
In the crease of your smile
Is hidden behind my gaze
When I look at you

Every unspoken word
Left hanging in the air between us
Spun a new string
That pulled us a little closer

It took longer than it should
But I’m so glad
That the invisible strings
Became visible

The gates at the Garden of Eden
Swung open the day I met you

I spent my days trying new fruits
But none were as sweet as your lips

The sun never stopped shining
But it still wasn’t as bright as you

You were so bright that you blinded me
And I didn’t see what you really were

Until the day you gave me an apple
And had me kicked out of the garden

Now all I want is to be let back in
To quench this new insatiable thirst

I would hit my knees every night praying
To you
Or any other man
For just one night back in the garden

If you were whiskey
I sipped you slowly
Savored every last drop I could pour out of my glass
Because I relished in the burn you left as you slipped inside of me

But you threw me back like a shot
Not thinking,
         just doing
Unprepared for when I hit you all at once

You slurred out “I love you” between numb lips
Hands sloppily fumbling for my body
Driven by animalistic instinct
Your mind was long gone

         I continued to sip you anyways

Eventually you had to sober up
You said my effect wore off on you
So you set down an empty shot glass and left
And all I was left with was a massive hangover