If you were whiskey
I sipped you slowly
Savored every last drop I could pour out of my glass
Because I relished in the burn you left as you slipped inside of me

But you threw me back like a shot
Not thinking,
         just doing
Unprepared for when I hit you all at once

You slurred out “I love you” between numb lips
Hands sloppily fumbling for my body
Driven by animalistic instinct
Your mind was long gone

         I continued to sip you anyways

Eventually you had to sober up
You said my effect wore off on you
So you set down an empty shot glass and left
And all I was left with was a massive hangover

I may not have been there
But I can still hear the gunshot ringing throughout the neighborhood
Slicing through the silence of the night
Echoing off the houses where others are fast asleep
Your friends
Your family
            Your children
Unaware that you have left this world, they continue sleeping peacefully
By some miracle your children sleep through the police sirens
And the hysterical crying of a wife becoming a widow
Dreaming peacefully for the last time
Because your departure from this world will always haunt them
Your ghost will stand next to your daughter
As she parades herself down the aisle into the arms of a new man
A man I pray to God is strong enough to hold her
On nights when she needs a man’s support
Because her father is no longer there
Your son’s massive shadow will always remind him of you
A darkness that will never leave his side
Even when he’s surrounded by light
You spent billions of seconds loving your life
Cherishing it
Protecting it
But it only took one second to end it
And as much as I want to hate you for causing them this pain
As much as I want to take my small fragile fists
And try to pound some sense into your head
As much as I wish I could turn back time and rewind that night
Stop you from leaving the house to drive around at 3 am
Only to end up right back in your driveway
To do what you knew you wanted to do before you even left
             I can’t.
All I have the power to do is to forgive you and move on
Try to piece together the pieces you shattered
When you pulled the trigger
              So I forgive you.

My heart ached for yours today
It took all I had not to cry
So I whispered my words of longing
To a passing butterfly

Her wings were like a mosaic
Beautiful, but strong too
They held the woes of my heart
And carried them to you

Your words were hollow
As light as a feather
They left your lips easily
But I needed them
Like I need oxygen
Both weightless
Both necessary
I inhaled your lies
And exhaled my love

I used to be water
Flowing in whatever direction life took me
Because I knew that fighting the current
Would only lead me to drown

Then I was fire
Angry and determined
To burn down those who controlled the current
And to be the only one left in a field of ashes

Now I am the earth
Stable and firm in my own beliefs
My self-created gravity pulling others into me
And keeping them and myself grounded

One day I will be the wind
You will no longer see me but I'll always be nearby
To whisper words of wisdom in your ear
Because as long as I'm remembered I'll never truly die

No I don’t have a boyfriend
But yes I’m in love

I’m so in love with the way
The daisies in my front yard dance in the wind
As if they’re waving hello as I sip my morning coffee

I’m obsessed with people
The innocence twinkling in the eyes of the young
The wisdom tucked in the wrinkles of the old

I’m infatuated with myself
The way I have and continue to change
How every day I am taking steps to become
The woman I aspire to one day be

No I am not looking for a boyfriend
But yes I am completely head over heels in love

When you ask me how I am doing
I will smile and say I am fine

Because I am
In that moment
In that place

You didn’t ask me how I am doing
Every night at 1 am
Alone in my room

Suffocated by the emptiness around me
Gasping for someone who is not there
At that moment I feel like someone is choking me
Even when I am breathing in plenty of oxygen
I am kept awake by the screaming
Of self doubt and uncertainty
Eyes plastered to my dark room
Searching for someone
But only finding disappointment

But you did not ask me that
So I smile and say I am fine