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Andrew Rueter Apr 2020
The weather is foggy
because the bog bleeds
like my problems lofty
making things foggy.
These problems haunt me
when the forecast is foggy.
I start to become not me
after my reflection lost me
in this hellish hot spring
where the fog is accosting
my vision’s focus and locking
until I absolutely cannot see
through this mist so foggy
my brain gets groggy
with the pain I’m dodging
blasting through the fog feed
making this innocent dog bleed
under the leaves of God’s tree
the same tree that made God leave
where an apple made things foggy.
Andrew Rueter Apr 2020
You were asked if you wanted to get together and
you said probably. Now that answer’s haunting me
after seeing how quickly  probably turns into not
with me. You just promised me probably for a
proper flee from damaged property. Do you think
if you said maybe I’d assume you hate me? No
would’ve been the correct route to go instead of
engendering excessive expectations for my existence.

Pastors probably preach patience but paradigms
shift once penetrated by paramount peer pressure.
Answers are hard to find when only probably is
spoken by God to me. I’m probably an oddity that
doesn’t know what probably means, but I guessed
it meant yes unless something unforeseen happened
to be. But probably just means you’re not for me
less awkwardly.

I don’t know where to begin, probably when you told
me my live for you was a sin. I don’t know when it
ends, probably when I have no more time to spend. I
don’t know who I am, probably the guy that fell for
love’s scam. I don’t know what I desire, probably to
extinguish love’s fire.
Andrew Rueter Apr 2020
Competition is ingrained in us
from the very beginning
in its simplest terms
I live / they die = I win.

Enveloped by evolution
everything progresses
competition no exception
pervading the minds of the sentient species.

Humans understand there are shades of grey
and know that you can live more than someone else
they see the difference between kings and serfs
and how this dichotomy shapes our self worth.

There are metrics for everything we do
measuring our productivity, our efficiency, our importance
which affects our self esteem
which effects our productivity, our efficiency, our importance.

You can run faster than me, so I say at least I’m smarter
or have more money, or friends
if I have to face the fact that you’re better off than I am
I’ll rationalize my life is harder—so I win.

When you know something I don’t
I feel inferior—this epiphany stings
enough for me to run away in my mind
and believe my wrong ideas are right.

If you choose someone over me
then you’re a fool
I could love you better
as long as we perceive better the same way.

There’s a self-replenishing buffet
but I eat off their plate
ensuring I eat more than them
and when that’s not enough, I eat them.

Anthrax says who cares wins
while internet trolls say who isn’t mad wins
but I’m too mad to care
stuck in a last man standing mentality.

We’ll see who’s winning when I’m ******* on your grave
in this world where crossing the finish line amounts to a loss
there’s no use in crying over spilt milk while I’m milking the clock
waiting to be victorious.
Andrew Rueter Apr 2020
I want you to course through my veins
but you shoot into my muscles
bringing subcutaneous agony
not getting me high the way you should
a dagger twists inside
missing the mark—maiming me
leaving a hole in my arms
I must live with the inflammation
but life without you makes me sick
so I find a new guy
who has his own needles.
Andrew Rueter Apr 2020
We used to watch our lives together
then you got tired of the show
yet you wanted to keep up with the story
so you downloaded my life on audiobook
narrated by my friends and family
cropping out sections to protect themselves
skipping chapters to give you the plot points
you get the fan edit of my life
and critique a children’s book.
Andrew Rueter Apr 2020
Childhood chills
sledding down hills
adrenaline adventure
barrel to the bottom
sensation celebration
reluctant realization
arduous climb back
ascending again
legs languid
exhausting escalator
planting a flag at the peak
finding breath in fresh air
inspecting the landscape
made for more
hills become mountains
formula for faster
avalanche astronaut
garnering Gs
the bottom bottoms out
cavernous canyon
can’t climb back
ground too uneasy
shifting environment
hazards harass
some keep sledding.
Andrew Rueter Mar 2020
Submarine sailing
subaqueous submersion
floating through darkness
resisting radar
circumnavigating sonar
avoiding armada armageddon
torpedoes armed already
silent running stealth mode
eliminating unnecessary sound
surveilling would-be attackers.

Submarine suffering
sapphire scenery brings beauty
obscuring obsidian vanishes viewing
blinding black proximity paranoia
observing the unknown
behind titanium walls
contending colossal tentacles
extending from my kraken mind.

Caterpillar crawl
underwater undulation
supplies sparse
a city is needed
shore seems nice
party port
reconnaissance recognized
rejection redeployed
pebbles tossed in the ocean
sink to the bottom
but never die
and start submarine sailing.
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