I’m going to need you
To speak for the both of us
Because darling
You leave me utterly
Speechless

they played with your heart
like it was their favorite game
and didn't bother to tell you the rules

I don't want to hear about
what my tongue does in the dark
no, tell me
how the words I write in my sleep
for no one but you to see
hit you like a hammer to the chest

we wrote more poetry
in the wrinkles of your sheets
in one night than
I have written in the pages
of my journal all year

can we intertwine like
the paints on your palette?
till my green hues
mix flawlessly with your blues?
till there is no me and
there is no you?

a birch tree flirts with a pine
his branches caressing
the ivy crawling up her spine
complimenting the way
the 5pm sunlight
sets her branches on fire

happiness hit me
like a bus
it's my fault
for not looking both ways

you were a slight warmth
dancing at the edge of the cold

I will write a thousand words for you
And none of them will quite capture
The way your smile
Climbs up the side of your cheek like
The sun climbs the side of a mountain
Cracking me open like
The sky cracks the dawn

why do we rely
on mere sparks to fuel us
when the sun herself
is on her knees
begging to fill us

You turned me into an instrument
Why was I surprised
By what you did next?

            -played

you were a red light
and I was going far too fast

I can't even look at the passenger seat of my car
While I'm driving because
All I see
Is how you're not in it

the morning after
I turned the shower on
as hot as it would go
I threw my shampoo bottle
across the tub because
it still wasn't hot enough
to burn you out of me

the idea of not kissing you again
shouldn't make me sick but god ******
the thought of it
is like drinking bleach

I'll get sick in the bathroom at school
Because we haven't spoken in days
And
I'll buy the cigarettes I hate and you love
Because that's what you always tasted like
And
I'll try to love myself like you did
Because no one else can
But
I'll die before
I tell you that I miss you

I’m so afraid that
I’m going to spend the rest of my life
Searching only to find
Artificial second-hand versions
Of that feeling you so violently
Pounded into my chest

stars shine so bright that
we can see them from
millions of miles away
so someone please
tell me how I didn't see you coming

we used to laugh at how
your hair would get in the way
when we were kissing but now
I'm tearing my bed apart
frantic
to find just one strand
to remind me you were real

I'm sitting here
falling for you and
you're there
falling into his bed
his arms

I try to write poems in my head
with your lips against mine but
you take the words from my mouth and
make me forget how
to speak in a language that
those who haven't been in love
can understand

I want to crack you open like
The pages of a book
I always wanted to read but
Could never get my hands on
Write my own words in the margins
Not with a pen but
With my fingertips
Take notes on my favorite passages
Not on paper but
On your lips
Memorize my favorite lines like
A prayer I never knew I needed
And then reread each chapter
Page by page so that
I'm sure to not miss a
Single word or phrase

did his lips taste different
last night than they did in january?
did the flavor I left on your lips
three hours before mix well
with the bitterness of his tongue in your mouth?
are his hands stronger than mine baby?
did they hold you better than mine could?

it's cold in my room, a quarter till 2am
your fingers draw circles
on my bare back
tracing, retracing
leaving the truest shade of blue
on every inch of the skin
I so hesitantly show.  
it hits 2am but you would never know
you're too busy
taking my breath away
making me forget there was
ever air in my lungs
to begin with

you've got my heart
turned inside out
just like your sweater
on the floor in the corner
of my bedroom

my hands are not
the same ones
you once grasped
my heart not
the same one
you once held

if you thirst for the good things to happen
be patient
they will come in waves
like sheets of rain on dry pavement

it's strange how the
light purple marks she left
so intentionally at 1:20am
make me feel just
a little more human just
a little more breakable

there's something comforting about
returning to the basics
welcoming a heightened heart beat
with open arms
being okay
once again
with the sweat collecting on my palms
touching my knee to your's
barely enough
for you to even know I'm there

the frustration of having
so many thoughts but
no words
has me turning myself
inside out
searching for the only medicine
I've ever found effective

for the first time
my heart is
breaking and
the tears are abundant
but the words won't come

I spent at least two hours
chasing a blurry moon through
a ***** windshield
trying to figure out how
you could forget the face
of something, someone
you once wanted so badly
that you took it
without bothering to ask
whether I wanted to share it or not

I became these things
for you and
in your absence
these things
still remain

I've always loved mismatched people and things
But the way you wear your makeup
A shade or two lighter than you should
Makes me wonder
Why would you want to trade
The soil in your cells that I adore
For the faded tone you feel so many prefer

My greatest act of self hatred
Was letting myself believe that
I was nothing without you

shadows dancing on my wrist
and wind licking at my fingertips
light moving back and forth
past the greyish-blue eyes I always hated
but never knew why
everything is new
and nothing is the same
but then again
I've never craved consistency

you say you can't move your hips
the way that boys want you to
but no one brings me to my knees
the way that you do
when your lips erase and retrace
beautiful words on my skin
that I never thought were
meant for people like me

the cuts on my hands
have now become white scars
and I think that says a lot
about how I'm doing

it's just a t-shirt but
there's something comforting
about how it carries
the smell of your worn out sheets

There's a strange comfort in the backseat
Watching sheets of water slide
Down the windshield,
Casting shadows on the skin
You already fear is too dark.
The music is gone, faded and
I'm glad you can hear the
Hitch of my breath as your
Hands find their way to my hair.
None of the windows are covered in fog,
Everything is in view.
Hands and words and mouths
Melting together like
Spring green mixing with rain,
And all I can feel and
All I can see is that
This is how it's supposed to be.

I love flowers but
I feel it cruel to rip them
From their roots, their home,
Simply so I can look at them longer.

Kind of like how I feel it cruel
To take away pieces of someone
Just so you don't miss out
On their beauty,
Simply so you can feel it longer.

the way your skin
matches the earth
makes me fall in love
with both
just a little more

there are as many
thoughts in my head
and
weights on my heart
as there are
shades of green
on the trees in spring

I got drunk one night
and told you your eyes
look like dirt.
What I wasn't sober enough
to say was that your eyes
actually remind me of the Earth.

I got drunk one night
and told you that your hair
smells like rain water.
What I wasn't sober enough
to say was that you smell
like an early April morning
with wet pavement and
dew covered grass.

I decided not to drink one night
and didn't tell you how much
I like you.
What I was sober enough
to say was how much
I love you.

I lie here tracing my own skin
Drawing invisible lines between
My freckles so meticulously placed
Because who will marvel at
The contour of my wrists
And the sharp edges of my hips
If not me?

you say you don't want me if
the only time you can have me
is a quarter past twelve at the top
of an empty parking garage.
and I understand.
I wouldn't want a boy
who's mind is half a thousand miles away,
searching for answers at the hands of
the same people who left him
with far too many questions
either.

am I coughing because
I have smoked far too much or
is it because I am trying to
rid my lungs of whatever
you there is
left in me

I'm learning to love
My words not only
As I am breaking
But also as I am
Finally blooming

If you have to switch between
Loving her and loving yourself
If you cannot do both at once
If she isn't obsessed with the way
You trace you own skin
With the gentlest of hands
Just as she adores the touch
Of your fingers on her cheek
Is it really the kind of love
You want to feel?

Just because I'm a man
Does not mean I don't possess
Every ounce of beauty that the
Flowers growing at my feet do.
Just because I'm a wave ever
growing
changing
flowing
Does not mean I am not a mountain
Strong and steady
Demanding the attention I know that
I deserve
Not because I am a man
But because I am human