As I look at the night sky,
with the wind gently blowing my hair,
your face suddenly flashed into my mind
oh how I wish you're here by my side.

Anger, pain, sadness and insecurity,
these words are not enough to describe what I feel.
If this is love, then why does it hurt so much?
All I can do is cry, because I love you so much.

Why? This question kept running in my head.
Why can't I forget all the things about you?
Why do I even love you?
Because of you, I'm scared to fall in love again.
I fell so many times, and everything that falls gets broken.

'No..I won't believe in love again..'
I slowly open my eyes to see the reality in front of me
I heaved a sigh and silently wished,
that you'll be out of my mind and heart, after I cry myself to sleep.

Welcome to the ten step guide on how to fool everyone into thinking you're okay

Step One: Smile. Smile your biggest brightest smile to ward off the people who don't know you well enough to realize that it's fake, let your pearly whites be the shield you hide behind so your secret stays a secret

Step Two: Even if the clouds have opened and poured down all the tears you're holding in dress up in your nicest dress so you get more compliments on how pretty you look than questions about how puffy your eyes are

Step Three: When confronted; say I'm just tired, push the fib through your teeth and hope your nose doesn't grow to the size of your lie and make sure you maintain eye contact so they don't catch onto how nervous you are that they might find out

Step Four: Cover up the jawbreakers decorating your skin by wearing a long sleeve shirt even though it's summertime

Step Five: Break out your inner actress, especially when he's around because while he's using your headboard as a punching bag he'll expect you to like it

Step Six: Every time you wanna say hate replace it with love...I love feeling helpless every day, I love being your human doll, I love being camouflaged with purples blacks and greens...I love you...

Step Seven: Fasten your dog collar onto the next notch because he wants you to remember how his hand feels around your throat, he wants you to remember what being scared feels like, he wants you to realize he owns you

Step Eight: Think about what you can do to make things better because as he tells you it's all your fault and he only hits you because he loves you and you're lucky that a guy like him sticks around with a girl like you because you're worthless and you believe it

Step Nine: Let it all out, scream into your pillow and shower off every fibre of him like it's a poison setting into your skin and then cry yourself to sleep to prepare for

Step Ten: Repeat

I hate dreams.
I hate them for what they make me see,
Worse still is that even as you know their not real,
You believe and it seems,
If only for a second, that what could be or should be,
Or what simply isn't,
Is.

I hate seeing her face,
So sad under those shades;
Take me home,
She seems to say,
But nobody really talks in dreams.
But nobody really talks.

I died in a dream once.
And I kept on sleeping.
What does it mean, what does it mean?
To me death is one long dreamless sleep,
But I fear the opposite, that it is one sleepless dream.

I see his face now and then.
The face in real life I barely remember.
Under the water.
Calling up.
Save me.
But dreams can't change your world.
Tragically they can only make you believe.

My moms there waiting for me.
Though her alone I am too scared to see.
Even my subconcious knows not to tease me,
Knows the scars and the pain,
And how it would bleed me and end me
And I curse them from keeping me,
I hate dreams.