It's just a flicker
a faint revival
a hint.
I know not
if it will glow
like a flame
ever.

You are crazy you know
just plain crazy,
telling me so many rules,
so many norms
filling my heart
with so many hopes and dreams.

You follow
telling me that,
love is fair and square
and then taking back
all the words
uttered in solemn promise
you desert me,
while alone I stand,
confused
with your sudden flip
to other side of the coin.

What am I to do
you crazy, crazy thing
when you take me in
in your elusive games?
For once, LIFE
please be straight
don't play your crazy games.

How can I ever tell anybody,
how you murdered me,
without a single weapon,
without lifting a finger,
yet you killed me.

I'm dead inside,
burnt in my soul,
with fire without flame.

How can I tell
that the ME is cold and gone,
what proof I have
when people see,
I am whole outside?

It's alright to say, 'I can't'
right?

I can't stop crying
anymore,
reserved emotions
are like piles of snow
covering mountains
from top to bottom.

I can't hold back,
frozen tears will fall
like an avalanche
bearing my sorrows,
right now!
Not tomorrow.

I can't hold on
let me cry.

I couldn’t  find a place


Tremors of love made me shiver
I wanted the warmth of your love
In my utter desolation
I wanted you so badly!

And so I ran all the way
Puffing and panting
Short of breath
And yet the big dream
Of finding a place
To bury  my tear ridden face
In your *****
And listen to your heart beating
With the joy of our reunion.

I found you
In our usual meeting place
I ran, wanting to collapse
Into those beloved arms
But couldn’t,
They held someone else
In my place!

In this age of technology
when switches and buttons control all
I just wish, just wish
there was a control panel
to control my emotions
so I could laugh and cry
or hold on to my pensive moods
as I please.

Oh, no i didn't sit to write poetry
but those gushing feelings inside me
just wanted a way out.

This is no poem
nothing fictional
I mean,
but just to say
in total honesty,
i love you!
Writing the 'i' in smaller case
for
the straight line is you and me
uniting in the dot,
that is like
love in full circle.

This is no poem
its just to say
i love you,
you see.

Between sky and land
I am the emptiness
endless space
absorbing, reflecting
sunshine, wind, rain and hail,
sea, desert and volcano ;
accepting with serenity
all that is YOU
in the lightness of our being.

Life might have been easier
if childhood and youth
had accepted the truth;
things are imperfect
life is not permanent,
and so not spent time
on saying or writing
over and over
" Love is forever".

Now time moves on
and love dies
incomplete forms
while hopes bow to
countless deaths.

I'm silent today
who do I talk to?

The wind is not blowing
not whistling or singing
the songs and lullabies
so who do I talk to?

The rain is not falling
no thunders crashing
no raindrops pattering
on window panes
to knock and awake me
and so who do I talk to?

Tree by my window
stands silent
no birds or wind
to share untold tales
it seems to say sorry
for not having any company
and so who do I talk to?

There are people all around
they chatter like birds
shout like raging storms
but they don't listen,
really listen you know
to what I say.

And so whom do I talk to?
I'm quiet today.

Love is never complete or perfect,
be it a mother
or a lover,
the more you love
the more you wish to say
or hold each other,
and yet
the heart and body
craves for more
never seems enough.

Wretched love
your victim
I'll never be.

My love
like sunlight is
illuminaiting all,
it's for you to catch
big or small.

One step, two steps
ahead, and
three, four behind.
Sideways and
left and right.

It's the mind
that's moving
not me, really.

I am stuck
it's indecision.

I wait for the sea,
wait for the endless stretches in blue
the plundering waves
rushing, crashing
foaming with surfs breaking
on stretches of sand.

And then the sea,will take me in
as I plunge myself in its arms
will hold me tight
while I feel the water heaving
pulsating with a force never known,
playing with my being,
its wetness, the vastness, the mystery
is a love never known,
all my agonies, pleasures and pain
it will **** from my body,
while every drop of water
caresses me, my skin, every pore.

I'll forget the chaotic world
and give myself to the sea,
it will hold me, I know
even take me down to its core bed
and love me endlessly
will keep me so faithfully
for I yield to it
in full knowledge of what I gain.

That's a weird place
this inner space,
at times its infinite
carrying me to glorious heights
yet
on other days its congested
no space to breathe.

Its my body, my mind
and yet
I can little control.

Windows open, no curtains or blinds
midnight ,
a half moon wanes
darkness seeping through the glass panes
nudges me, I behold
a beauty: this Night,
she looks at me
starlit eyes, gowned within Milky Way
Venus sparkling on her crown,
infinite sky
echoing its flute
serenades her,
but she chooses me
takes me in her arms
kisses my eyes,
we fall asleep
together in peace.

We don't want Dawn to come.
Let us be, Night and me.

Ah, you are shocked, thrilled
or repelled,
I do not know.
But as I kiss you
my lips captures yours,
do you think
love is born just now?

It all began long ago
on the first sight of you,
the heart moved
but the physical being
came in slow.

The heart, the mind
kissed you long ago.

Have been that way
long, as I recall,
paused in spaces
that offered love,
co-existing,
spreading light
to nooks and corners.

Unwanted, if I felt,
removed myself
in silence
holding my peace
in respect of life
however it came.

Ans so
I walked away
without a single,
backward glance.

This is not a poem you know
Its just words of my hearts
Words that I just could not say aloud
And yet had to say.

Where do I begin?
What do I say poetically I mean?
These are feelings you know
Feelings that tears bring
Feelings that make me laugh
Yet leave me feeling foolish again.

You speak all poetry
How beautifully you tell
All that make your heaven and hell
In your eyes, words do I find?

My words are not poetry you know
When you read them
Perhaps you will find a poem
If you love me.

Deep in my eyes
I hold the truth.
Its not a poem, you see
Its waiting to be,
A poem in your world.

This is the tragedy you see,
he will never be
as I dream him to be
never feel the warmth that I do
never lie beside me
nor feel this closeness
in soul and body
for
he will never be
near to me, skin to skin
to radiate life within
when bodies blend
beyond barriers of being,
nor look me in the eyes
to seek this light
spreading with his touch.

It will never be you see,
for he sits on my throne
while I sit near his feet.
I look up for  light,
he never bends down
for he seeks not
what's unknown to him
a darkness that never broke.

It will never be
this new moon
will never be a full moon.
It will not be, not be
I wish I could believe
what reality is shouting at me
that hope has no life
in the futility of my pleas.

I know I'm forever lying
when I say
I want just one more breath,
in truth, I want
more than one,
in fact
want to go on breathing,
forever,
in total honesty
I want
countless breaths.
God,  how can I be
a liar to myself?

Door closed, windows shut
blinds drawn,
all quiet, though afternoon
seems like new moon.

Wakes that demon inside
serpents wrapped around,
bitterness, anguish
anger,f frustration
love gone bitter,
no, no, nothing is right!
Don't show me reasons
I see none, I'm okay
in my streaming tears,
why can't I shed enough
to empty this soul
to rid of these burdens?

Tears that I have shed
what do they hold?
Were they not enough?
More and more
they come, exhale grief'
grief inhale!

Ah, mirror
don't reflect this face
contoured with anguish
swollen eyes,
mouth so ugly
with silent screams!

So many calls
so many songs
yet I sit tight
howling inside
let me cry a little more
a little more!

Falling, falling, falling
  swirling, twirling
     brown, yellow, red
          leaves falling
            falling to the ground
               the earth calling
                    calling, calling
                       grasses fading
                           flowers dying,
                              pumpkin, Halloween
                               hey, fall’s calling!

                                  We’re joining
                                   seen, unseen
                                    seasonal decaying
                                       beginning, ending                                      
                                         eternity onwards going
                                          never backing,
                                          inhaling, exhaling
                                           hearts waiting, waiting
                                           smiling, smiling
                                              spring will be coming!

Let death come
bringing smiles on my lips,
taking the last breath,
happy , knowing life was good
having lived the best of self,
intentions clear with the Creator
He, who sees me through
knows all too well.

Let death come
the smile on my icy face
bring tears to others' faces
warming their hearts,
for they hold me dear
deep in the fondness lane
yet cry from the heart.

Let death come
with irony and dance,
I shall leave in peace
and bid adieu
between tears and smiles.
©

L
I
F
E
Life...
try as I might
it's a crossword puzzle
never completed.

" Breathe!"
I heard.

Was searching,
countless words
I needed  
to write a letter
before I go.

But,
dropped the pen
shut the laptop.

One word
echoed on mind,
" Breathe!"

You are stupid, foolish, crazy
pointless, senseless
in some thoughts,
at other times
good, wrapped in love
sheer joy from above
silent or aloud.

Life O' Life
tell me for once,
to you
what am I?

Life's hourglass stands quiet;
        smiles and tears
             entwined
                    in
             moments,
     taking my whole life
in its incomplete continuation.

Hey
when I was sobbing
with tears running
endlessly, like rivers
waters falling into seas,
all I wanted was,
for you to pick me up,
hold me
hug me
and stop the tears' flow
with a deep kiss.

But,
I listened
to echoes of your footsteps
heard the door banging shut,
knowing you will return
on your time
with roses to console
tears that have gone dry.

Now,
how can I tell, how
that moment's emptiness
will never be filled
for important to you was
NOT  ME
but something else.

I found life
life didn't want me,
this is how it is
was meant to be.
Tears, don't come
I can't wipe you
no,
not any more.

I found life
life didn't want me,
this is how it is
was meant to be.
Tears, don't come
I can't wipe you
no,
not any more.

Tonight it's Bach, Handel , Chopin
and more
just music please,
tried many songs
lyrics of kinds,
melodies high and low
yet, none reflect
my numb thoughts.

I wonder though
why so,
am I too dead or
words lack strength?

Just hold me tight
until I wake up
and really hear
words of your song,
till then
let it be only music
tonight.

Crashing waves, rolling water
take my heart
carry it down
deep under the sea,
allow it to be lost
in that unknown world
flora and fauna of another kind
life big and small
and then roll
and carry me on.

Take my heart
oh ocean
let it be carried high
with water drops
that rise with evaporation
and form into raindrops
and rides on the milky way,
to the moon and back
to fall back on earth
like tears of my pain.

There is fire
inside this chest
the heart is burning.
oh sea, of ocean
take my heart
give it some respite
in your endless dreams.

People call my names
I hear alright
answer too,
and then come voices
calling me
from days gone by.

I want to answer,
shall I shout, scream
whisper or what?
I cannot reach the past
just cannot,
cannot.

I love them so,
do you think
they will come forward
and join me?

When gusty wind blows,
snow piled on branches
spray wildly, like powder
let through the blower.


Struggling under weight of snow,
does the tree ask the wind
to take her white dresses away
so she can dress in colors of spring?

Or
maybe the trees feel elated
in their white,lacy gowns
and feel threatened
when the wind rips them down?

But there is a unique love affair
in between,
in consent OR protest;
when snow goes
spring, the queen of colors
enters the scene.
©

A moment magnified
is life seen,
a smile answered
joy complete,
tears shared
sorrow divides,
a glimpse of you
is togetherness.

Its just me and you
a drop of hope
in my vast emptiness.

Icy March
fading winter wind
cutting to the bones,
drilling into ears
stinging eyes to tears,
but I like it
just like spring breeze,
after all, love is
taking in all
your rage or embrace
perfection
and imperfection.

As you take me
right or wrong
in fact
in better ways,
no complains
only
silent acceptance.

Where I am going
what am I leaving
I know not,
but I've faith
you will be there
in my life
fast or slow.

I saw the moon
through the bamboo leaves
a thousand times,
saw it peek
when clouds played
hide and seek,
and above the sea
as phosphorus danced in glee,
but
that moonlit night
when you held me
the moon, I did not see.

How can I,
when your lips
shut my eyes
and I couldn't look
up at the sky,
not even once?

I need, very badly need
a shoulder to lean on
a shoulder to cry on
a wet shoulder to make more wet
and a shoulder that is a permanent place
no matter how wet I make it
will still hold my place,
will not offer the hanky
will just hold me
while I lean on.

twilight approaches
darkness descending
the day hangs
in between

night waits
round the bend
time goes round and round
while
life is lost and found...

Fireflies keep me awake,
deep nights unfold
with countless lights,
I wonder, and wonder,
O' fireflies with flickering lights,
have you found your knights,
is the night warm enough
for your lights to work the magic
to catch the perfect mates?

Global warming, so many hazards
suppose the nights are not warm enough
for the chemicals to work
and fireflies did not get their lights,
will that mean the death
no mating and
the end of fireflies?

I sit awake, night grows deep
staring out at the waning moon,
the garden wears a girdle,
a fairy girdle of winking lights,
the fireflies go high and low
I hope, just hope
this summer is rich in romance
for the fireflies to find love.

Summer without them
would be loveless warmth,
for He and I join our sights
weaving our love story
watching the fireflies
love each other
with soft, flickering lights.

Every summer a blessing,
a return to paradise,
fireflies and romance
He and I
new wings to love
A toast to Life!

Countless meteors falling

drifting, zigzagging down,

each, a part of someone

coming to me

through the infinity

a love that he was

and continues to be.

The difference is:

meteors today

are not only in my soul

but have come alive

in the sky as well.

Meteors mean

more than Earth's crossing

path of a comet,

it's someone coming to me.

31st with friends,
fireworks, wine
countdown and hugs
ended then and there.

Deep within
didn't feel a thing
about time, I mean
knowing it will flow,
fast nor slow
with kisses or blows,
however marked
doesn't really change
a thing.

Back home:
opened the Chinese calendar
and Arabic one too,
while my lost hopes
found life
in new years yet to come.

No Bach, Kenny G or Taylor Swift,
tonight, it's a different music
since sundown
and birds gone
rain is pouring
'pit-pit-pitter-pit..'
like notes on angel's wings
they soothe my inner sirens
in hushed silence
of the darkened world.
Sweet rain
don't stop

I don't want other music tonight.


It soothes the sirens inside

I cried all day, today
no particular reason
and yet so many things
overwhelming life
to the extent
when I stop trying to figure
why I cry,
I just cry
at the futility of life
and  in irony
call my tears
nonsense tears.

God gave tears for a cause
and so perhaps
its best I shed them
with the pain
that also came
for a cause,
that is to make me cry,
I will cry more
and more
to shed my
nonsense tears.

Kisses these days, are not kisses
no, not really.

The warmth, the tingling sensations
that used to ignite fire
through the whole body,
devour each and every cell
send us to heaven and hell,
in sweet pains, silent pleasure,
all in just one kiss,
and
fire of lips found life
bodies discovered passion,
left bodies in happy ember.
Those you know,
were really kisses,
fire of love
that happily engulfed
two souls.

Kisses these days,
just aren't the same,
it's fire that smokes
spreading its incense
reminding me,
what kisses were like
in those big, big flames.

What went wrong?
I wonder, why kisses,
are not fire any more
lips touch lips,
yet the spark,
where has that gone?

Remember days
when
in your embrace
I forgot
rest of the world?

Listening to your heart,
feeling the skin
spread divine warmth
to mine,
I felt so secure
without a single door
or a gun,

You hold me still,
but it's not the same
the pureness is gone
I wish I knew
where YOU roam.

I drift on
like a block of ice
on the pounding sea
no destination,
knowing well that
soon will come
the end of me.

Your ember lips
on rosy mine,
your dark eyes
in the blue of mine,
you my night
me your sun.

But my love
your blood is red
and so is mine,
and my heart feels
yours in rhyme,
we are not two
but just one
in body
and soul.

You
are you
I
am me
us
together
yet
we're
each on our own.

It's
a new moon night
pitch dark,
no electric lights
or
candles lit
yet
a mystic light
fills my world
when in your arms.

Uniformed guards
stand like soldiers
ready to pounce
on intruders
you sit surrounded
by multiple walls,
security buttons and lights
blinking red, green, blue
beep, beep, beep go some
will scream like hyena
if one dares come
unknown,
surveillance cameras
show nooks and corners
even ants can't cross
unseen.

Yet, security seems nil
for you're insecure inside.
None can heal,
until you really find
yourself in your inner world.