The darkest of nights couldn't hide your intentions
I can never tell how you manage my irregular heartbeat
Sounds of a swordfight let me know logic is around
yet the blue of your eyes makes the dopamine profound.

Aware of your presence when I wake even when you're not there
it was trouble that I knew I was looking for
you sing your songs about punk rock, being drunk and anarchy
and I fall that much harder with every breath you take.

For one so small, you seem so strong
weaving your web of intricate emotions
if this is something you aren't ready for
spin me back to earth, where I will always belong.

Always running from myself I never stopped and smelled the flowers
you are now responsible for the calm that surrounds
I'll never cut you slack, for wearing all black because
like a thief in broad daylight you stole my heart.

Happening too soon
I'm beginning to lose
it in the back of my mind
coming at me from all sides

different ways of everyone
telling me there is a right
and wrong always so caught up
in having every answer

and somehow missing the point.
I never loved you to get anything in return.
When I love
my reasons are for
that one
small
feeling...

I thought I had this planned
set aside the gas money
marked the map
packed the snacks

but the way things turned out
I was on the completely different road
going in the opposite direction
and I'm not sure how to find my way back...

Things are much better from afar away stand still.

Your soul is like no other
when I let your fingertips wash over me in so many colors
it electrifies my insides and I taste daffodils on the cold air
you have taken control of my dreams
I have never been so willing to submit
pull me down, I'm under your spell
take me with your cosmic kisses
aware of more senses than I've known
the way things normally happen forgotten
your timing is impeccable
this connection makes my world hover
my breath, my heartbeat, my mind
continually pulsing always in tune
with each other, the universe
with nature and old magick
nebulous with passion...
Jeg kan aldri la deg gå.

Some things you just *know.

All these pieces making up who I am
winding up like a clock that ticks
fighting for the longest time
to keep everything inside
not sure what to make of it
I wish I could just...

Things play back in my head a whole lot
whether or not I give them permission to
I try and shut the blinds close my eyes
but they keep on poking through
this time around it's not as scary
just groundbreaking and unsettling
you are alien to me because you are healthy
a change for me I can't see happening
what truth lies before me
is past continually unraveling
I have been ruined by others
emotionally sore rotten to the core
waiting for
something to push me forward
I was always aware of the lessons
that I needed to go through
but slower than I ever handled
because I realized no one else was worth it
but you...
my shell had grown hard
always accustomed to defense
built tiny fences growing tall
protecting myself from it all
enjoying solitude until made to feel small
useless worthless pointless ruthless
I have let my dear fear hold me back from
basically everything
white-knuckled, foam-at-the-mouth
to my bad habits, I cling
but still the universe aligned
with what stirred in the back of my mind
you were right about taking this time
but I can't live this way, not anymore
I have no idea who this is turning me into
but that is not really the point.

the lace feels like a waterfall
as it moves across my skin
I dig my fingers into the edge
hoping for something to grip onto
but I just keep sinking

I start to lose feeling in my toes
but I keep moving deeper
not caring one bit
about the biting cold
that I have long since grown used to

needing to be surrounded
by something other than emptiness
I shut out the endless quiet
with the pounding of my heart
and I lift up and let go

How intriguing to comprehend
what causes the symptom of small butterflies
spinning around in dizzy circles
half asleep, lucid dreaming
dancing with smiles on their wings

just how far is this all supposed to go
the best thing for me is to never let it cross my mind again
but yet it does
there it is
lingering
refusing to leave
I almost wish I knew what went through your mind
if you honestly forget or if you are really full of it
do you expect anything from me
there is simply nothing I can do
you have gone ahead and crossed the line
wasting every last bit of my time
you could have just kept pretending to pretend
I would have been fine
but you waited to use the fact that I never speak to you
as an excuse
to come back around
trying to apologize for something I don't even remember
super miniscule on the novel of things you have to apologize for
I wouldn't even care
but you are the worst at being the worst
you can't do anything right
please leave me alone
and continue doing absolutely nothing worthwhile with your time.

Restlessly comes the passion
pouring out of me like the moonlight
even if we were to never speak again
something inside me has been awoken
the time of mundane long forgotten.

I wish to gaze at the universe with you
the possibilities under the sky eternal
like a wave the calm rushes over me
resonating unlike ever before
felt by this skin and these bones.

Startling sometimes the stars in my eyes
hardly daring to imagine the reality
of symmetry and solidity
so perfectly we intertwine
with pure, white light.

How intriguing to comprehend
what causes the symptom of small butterflies
spinning around in dizzy circles
half asleep, lucid dreaming
dancing with smiles on their wings.

This life in this time
is so painful
not to say
everything has been easy
but at least I know where I came from
I dream of things long forgotten
of lessons still needing to be learned
but happiness never being one of them
how contemplative it makes me
to discover hidden messages
everything that was lacking
in all my previous lives
now present in my current one
but sacrificing all the simplicities
having none of it be my own doing
instinctively I long for
such contentment
being only because
I know where I have stood
what is yet to come
having to choose
not only my direction
but my intention
is simply terrifying
all I can do is practice
and learn to dream of the future
I have done it before
now I am armed
with everything
my existence forced me
to overcome.

oh no
here we go again
sand is getting in my hair
but I just can't seem to care
the fire crackles and pops
and the drinking just won't stop

so much drama
and fake laughter
I light the ***** on the end of the chains
I have always loved being surrounded by flame
the rush of adrenaline, the night that surrounds
the light that illuminates me, I can't hear anything but the sound

of the blaze, in my hazy daze, I count the ways
that my favorite element surprises me
it uses all the senses
claims no pretenses
but demands respect and understanding

as the third empty bottle falls
eventually nature will call
you see me sneak off to the cliff
come hold my hand and spark a spliff
the blend of getting so cross-faded
and memories get me quite jaded
your laugh brings me out of reality
and your sloppy smile so genuinely silly
tripping over our feet
the flowers smelling so sweet
we crash, embrace, and kiss
taken away from this moment
in our corner of bliss

Literally surrounded by the light
seeing sparks inside and out
on this little patch of grass
conspiring to let this happiness take us all

If I didn't know it then
I know now what I have avoided
the truth circles back to you
without even having to try

The four elements collide
keeping no secrets from this circle
witness the beauty in symmetry
only for the best reasons are we these people.

The harder I think
the quicker it all becomes a blur
words and movement and constant emotion
to what end?
Where do we really end up
at the finish line?
Who actually holds us accountable
does anyone have a list?
Are any one of us continually
living with intention anymore?
Or do we miss the point?

I express myself until the blood comes out
with everything from writing to dance
any form of art is my kind of sunshine
the air I breathe
to keep me alive
anything to survive
in the most fulfilling way I know how.

How much longer
can the rest of you
continue your lies?

My life I lead is barely sustainable
in my immediate surroundings
what makes me happy is frowned upon
how can I survive
unless I am completely miserable
when everything I see around me
pure and good intention
rapidly becoming irrelevant
killing what should be cherished
murdering that which should be worshipped
there are places that literally
can't even begin to handle
the messed up things
that are done on purpose
every ******* day
people have died, the earth has changed
visibly being destroyed
yet still we press on
convinced that what we are doing is...
WHAT?
is the reasoning behind this even clear?
Intelligent minds
find our way around
these miscalculated and
extremely ignorant challenges
but somehow a way is always found
to continue these harming damning patterns.

I will not die happy unless I can make an honest significant difference.
Even if it only one person or perhaps a small group.
My mind will not be able to shut up,
not after everything I have seen.

Please help me.
Let us change.

Only ever an afterthought
When I think of everyone and everything altogether way too much
How did I push things so far
I guess I just see things so differently
I am so incredibly unable to show where I really come from
That I get left behind
Perhaps it is just meant to be
Why else would I get so used to
Being forever alone.

I was led to believe that in life
whatever you have going for yourself
was meant to be broken
you can build and form the clay
but one day
it could all go to waste
when someone says hey
sorry, didn't see you there
after walking all over
what you spent so long creating
and slowly getting used to.

It took the nerve to finally run away
to take a step back from everything
I had ever known and loved in my life
to crash at the very rock bottom
to think it was over
only to have even bigger rocks
with even sharper edges
keep falling down
to never thinking it would end
to having it suddenly stop.

Since being caught
in the whirlwind of emotions and lies
always trying to believe the best in people
I now know I was right.

The ones I love
My real family
even though we don't share blood
I keep in my life
for a reason.

I will forever be in love with love
simply because.

This morning I woke up
The sun foreign to my eyes
Not wanting to fall into reality
Trying to sink back into
My deadly but sweet dreams.

I remember distinctly thinking
With a smile sneaking around
How grounded I am finally getting
How okay I am with just being
My moments are just that, mine.

For the first time in my life
Being alone doesn't feel lonely
There isn't someone that I need
I don't need someone I imagined either
I enjoy the quiet now, instead of being terrified.

I used to always try to make myself busy
Distractions from the noises in my head
Drive at full speed
Volume all the way up
Can't stop, keep going.

Ever moving, ever changing, ever loving.
But live for the moments
That hit your heart
In slow motion.
<3

I think about it
but I can't move
I try to cry
but it's still too soon
the music has fallen flat
there are just too many things
I still can't get past
the room is spinning
I'm terrified to find
the only cure
will be escaping myself
but I can't be sure
you took everything
the start of the spark
that began in a pure place
deeply hidden from my heart
you kept taking
lying, demanding and stealing
it all kept adding up
to this horrible feeling
you kept pushing
so you came to understand
all that was left of me
was my blood on your hands
you changed all of the good times around
forced me to face your darkness
burning the love that remained
scarring the pain to my skin.

Because of you I trust no one.

The devil is in my details.
I used to always speak too soon
for everyone I thought I knew
giving the benefit of the doubt
for those that had no good inside or out.

Such a liar was my father
so lonely he forgot I was his daughter
breaking down the foundation
I told myself could never happen
starting the long lasting vendetta
against my own blood.

My mother's next marriage
was no more comfortable
making me ask the hard questions
at not yet a preteen
for her.

Still I tried to believe,
see people as the best versions they could be
but the ones I knew never lived up to it.
But I wouldn't give up.
Until...

My relationships with boys
were never easy
verbal abuse turned into physical blows
that I still wake up screaming from those nightmares
and people ask me now why I am...

I don't communicate well.
I use poems, lyrics, rhythm, and pictures
to say what my heart knows.
I've always felt wrong.
A life of disapproving looks, I just hide behind books.

I'm trouble, but I thought you knew.
I'm full of messy surprises.
I'm broken inside.
But you gave that up,
so I give up on you.

so softly summoning
the undiscovered beauty
from underneath me

scared to believe
trembling with relief
with the belief

it can be
real.

Knowing that I
will only ever have time
to learn of the things
that I have always known.

It all fits together
all having pieces
to put together
a yin
to every yang

Since I have
noticed that
symmetry
I don't have to believe
I just feel.

All I know
You make me smile
Every once in a while
I wonder
If we can just make things simple.

Understanding the complexity
Having such sympathy
For all of the living
Is the only
Way to Be.

Words are a powerful thing.

Completely alone when surrounded by love
is a concept most might think cliche
it could be entirely the individuals way of thinking
but sometimes the people are to blame.

The sound that is deafening
when you cannot hear a thing
left in the singular sense
with the noise in your head

Something that we all go through
on one level or another
yet there is no one who cares enough
to help themselves or those around

This is never going to end
if it all keeps going like this
I need help I can't reach
which makes me think the only solution
is escaping to a cabin in the woods
to surround myself with Silence
and never have anything to do with
another human ever again.

catch the earth
it has lost its breath
cast your net
wide with subjugation
but you will never capture
what you think you know
but fail to understand.