Abyss.

I heard you say

My name

I looked up

Expecting to meet your gaze

But they weren’t eyes.

They were oceans.

Salty Blues

Seaweed greens

A pale hint of sand

Cracking through the seams

Oh and the waves.

Pushing and pulling

Flooding my soul

Suffocating me

Stealing my breath

I didn’t even gasp for air

I just let go.

Drowning

Sinking

Dancing

Weightlessly

Floating through the abyss.

Waiting to be

Still forever

Finding rest

On the ocean floor.

the ceiling at night
the backs of my eyelids
death
are the same color

i am tired of staring up at nothing
thinking about everything

i am tired of waking up to
the lie that I am and will always be

i am so tired
please let me fall down, down, down
and never wake up

i failed her when she needed me the most
but when i needed her
she dropped everything for me
she brought the light back into my life
when everything had been a black cloud over my head
she is my soulmate
she made me feel alive again
when i had been dead for years

my therapist told me today
"you seem lighter this session than all the rest"
maybe that means i'm getting better
or i'm getting better at hiding it

the lampshade crashed to the floor
along with my tears

“It’s better if you go” he says

there on the carpet along with
Plastic and Salt
Is my bleeding heart

the pink in my cheeks
and the pink in my soul
has faded to blue

now the pills
are the only pink I see

and suddenly
it’s no longer my favorite color