she tells me to look at these dolls
she tells me to worship them

she screams at me when it's too much
she screams at me when it's wrong
she screams at me

she says that i look hideous
i look like a number 10
when i am a number 8

she tells me to go lower
she tells me that she's my true friend
she tells me that she's the only one who knows understands
i don't know
i scream
i stop
i can't

i cannot love
shaking my head
something that i find hilarious
i cannot love
i have nothing to give
empty hands, palms up
nothing there
i cannot love
i don't know how

everything fall
s apart
like the crumbs
of a building wilting
flowers
sun dimming
and the eyes are bleak
body pales and the casket is
ready
ready for me

a guy like you doesn't like a girl like me;
ugly, gauche, and consumed by her own darkness
a guy like you deserves to go to different places
a guy like you deserves to meet beautiful, ****, and smart girls
my youth is wilting,
i'm waiting
and,
a guy like you,
a guy like you will never like a wilted youth that was once full of life

i am embarrassed.
i thought i owed them something.
gotta admit,
i hate when i owe people something.
i don't wanna be disturbed
i don't wanna be a disturbance
i'm trying to steer clear from people
but sometimes,
i just have to approach them, you know?

*******.

to you, John
i wish you all the best things in life
i want you to be happy. always.
dark days are inevitable
but i want you to face them with all your might
i want you to face them with your smile
numbers are going up,
and i hope that doesn't bother you.
happy birthday, John.

a female dog,
you