I'm the ocean but you're the sea
You're what flows inside of me
A harmonious flow
From dusk till dawn
Our love can be violent
Or slow and calm
A world above us
Or a world below
A sort of fullness
We overflow

I'd rather have scars on my cheeks
   And a crooked nose and
Bad skin and boney hips
   Or boring eyes and boring hair and a boring mouth
And someone tell me
   “You’re beautiful,”

Because I’d know they meant
   I am beautiful in the way that I talk,
In the way that I listen, in the way that I love,
   In the way that I am

Than have

   Pretty lips and pretty teeth and
Pretty hair and a pretty nose
   And ignorantly believe
That being beautiful in the way that I look
   Is enough.”

I woke up in a pool of my own blood
Stood out of bed with shaking legs
Felt it drip down my thighs
Made it to the bathroom
Threw up twice &
Cried
And I cried
And I cried
And I was cold
For an hour or so
Then I sweat until
I couldn't catch my breath
And I sweat
And I sweat
And I swore I wouldn't blame you
For the nightmares that would follow
Swore I wouldn't blame you for the pain
But you didn't sit at the edge of my bed
You didn't sing me to sleep
When I needed it most
I walked outside
Once I felt strong enough to move
I contemplated getting in my car
I wanted to make it to the hospital
But I knew part of me didn't want to make it
Out alive
So I sat down
On a lawn chair
And lit a cigarette
I pulled my knees up to my chest
To avoid the shattered wine glasses
Below my feet
The wind blew lightly
Rocked the water in the pool beside me
I wanted to dive in
But I knew part of me wouldn't want to
Swim back up
So I sat
On a lawn chair
With my knees up to my chest
For eight hours
And when the night swallowed the sky
I cried
And I cried
And you didn't sing me to sleep
You never do anymore
And I swore I wouldn't blame you
But it's getting harder to stay true
Knowing that a part of you
Died inside me
A part of you died inside me
I'm sorry
But the same part of you will be the death of me
I swear
And that's a promise I will keep
I'm sorry

Time isn't wasted at the end of the day
When you're in bed thinking about all the things
You could've done,
You could've said,
All the empty boxes left on your to do list

Time is wasted
When you're standing on a rock at the edge of a waterhole
And decide to not jump
When you're sitting in your car trying to justify reasons
For not going in
When you anxiously hit backspace
Instead of expressing how you truly feel
When you ignore your heart that's screaming
"You deserve better."

It's lost in I could have and I should have,
In missed opportunities,
In letting fears override judgement

Time is not necessarily wasted
In passing minutes, months, years
We waste time by
Counting seconds,
And by letting seconds pass
When we could've made
Those seconds count

Tried cutting you away
I thought Id be okay
but the pain still remains
and I'm bleeding profusely

Amputation
was no solution
now that its gone
there is only more confusion

Pins and needles
needles and pins
I can still feel you
like a phantom limb

I peeled away the scab
and still found you underneath
tried bleeding you away
but it only made me weak

Now dissected
and disconnected
way too restless
to correct this

Pins and needles
needles and pins
I can still feel you
like a phantom limb

You didn't need to cut into me
just to see what I held inside
I would of gave if freely
there never was a price

Pins and Needles
needles and pins
when does it end now
Where did it begin?

I did this on purpose
and you have failed the test
because you chose to walk away
instead of try your best

I did this on purpose
and you proved tried and true
to the colors I ignored
I finally see you.

The air feels like falling action,
It feels like this is coming to an end
I can see the curtains closing
And I don’t know why I haven’t cried or
Why my heart feels like it’s made of stone

Maybe this isn’t the end!
Maybe it’s a new chapter!
A rising sun!
A see you soon!
(How should I know to say goodnight and not goodbye?)

But if this does end
   If it’s a closed book
      A setting sun
         Never see you again
(How should I know to say goodbye and not goodnight?)

I know we tried,
I know we loved with full hearts,
I know it hurts to say goodbye.

My love wasnt good enough
and yours was nothing but a bluff
I gave my all just to be snuffed
by hands I gave my heart and trust
To think that it was only lust
leaves me in a state of disgust
Wasted time I cant retract
to repair what I have lacked
Determining fiction from fact
in a past I can not have back
How silly of me to believe
and not see that I was deceived
Although it comes as a relief
that Im free from this fallacy
I wanted so much more from her
than just yet another number
No longer will I be concerned
with waiting for another turn
I hope one day you feel the burn
of giving such without return