she may be here
but my heart
*wanders

be sure to be ready
as this ends
you'll wake up numb
stressed out
burnt out

ready to give in
to lay down everything
for your happiness
but you never give up

to feel everything again
to cross out the mistake

but you need to realize
this is not just for you
but for others

It will hurt

so much
so be right

cherish your memories
as it will never fade
you'll always have that

smile about it
and accept the
*hard truth

lingering in the horizon of its paradise
overlooking the beauty of your soul

funny, how it seems
to think that every moment being with you seems perfect

but hidden in its background
are the lies

lies that are needed to be created,
to share memories
to express feelings
to wander lost souls

and be one

be one even if
be one if only

and have that
what ifs

stay in you
all throughout

so let time be your friend
treat her special
as you wish you had gotten
more freedom out of it

tell me
everything

because

i want answers

i
need
an
answer

I am here
..

Running away
...

From reality
....

To see myself
.....

To find myself
......

To be happy.

It was late.
It was dark.
It was my heart trapped with a vice.

I can't imagine how
It felt like forever

Being with you relived
My inner memories

It brought back what
Was lost in forever

Thank you for staying
Thank you for saving
What is left inside

Let me tell you a story,

I never thought of being confused in a certain way that it rattles every nerve out of my body.

So there's K, who I am dating for almost 3 years. We had spent quite a number of adventures and shared so much memories together and I can say that I love her, and that is because I really do.

Problem is, I'm so caught up of her being my world. I revolved around her, she controls me, possess me, bury me, and I am tired, so tired of living a life like that, living in another person's happiness.

I was lost.

until one day, I was decided to be found

Her name was C

Yes, like the tea, and it rhymed with shy which is not certainly who she is.

She's this amazing beautiful lady who is very lovely and happy to be with.

But Uh-oh she has a partner.

I tried to be intact with myself but,

as time went by, we got very close with each other and didn't realize that we are creating a deeper degree of relationship we can't pull out off.

C, C-la..
showed me my way home
showed me a different perspective
made me feel comfortable
found me
held on
stayed

I am unfair
I am broken
I am lost
I am unworthy
I am a pain in the ***

but she accepted

and so, we continued to go out.

Held our hands
Stargazed
Hugged our emotions
Laid down
Kissed the pain away

Is this worth it?

Because certainly she's not worth of being treated like this and I do not want to pretend. It hurts as I am lying all over again with myself.

So now, here I am.

All over again.

Confused.
Trapped.
Broken.
Greedy.

For the love I want. On how selfish I can be.

"Choose to be right", they said

Well I did,

but HOW DO YOU CONTINUE?!

I want to be happy. To have something for myself. To be me.

But I can't.

I remember those nights with her. I remember how our hands fits. I remember how she let me play with her hair. I remember how I whisper on her ear, the scent of her, her lovely face with that wide forehead which I love to kiss, her hug, that warm tight hug that told me everything's gonna be fine.

Oh, how I long to stay by her side.

This was supposed to be perfect.

Us, we are suppose to find happiness.

Now, I leave it all to the Universe. I am too tired. I pray for enlightenment, for the signs, what shall I do? What shall we do?

I will leave for some time

*I hope to find an answer
I hope to find you.

This - was never my intention
This - was never planned
This - was never I thought about

But as spontaneous as it seem, I fell in love with This, I fell in love with You.

you can be home
you can be lost

you can be happy
you can be crushed

what matters is
in that short period of time
you are* yourself
you find yourself

*you are genuinely happy

if there is one thing
i will adapt from you

it is to never
say
'sorry'

even if it hurts
even if it bleed
even if it eats you

because you wanted that,
you know you were happy,
those butterflies flew

and most of all

you did not 'regret'

for your time spent,
your memories shared,

her laugh
her touch
her fragrance
her face, that beautiful face

it is worth it

----

so long

...

I am never sorry

as

I will never be

Start over again
It hurts so much
To see you leave
To give up on this

But it is
What is "right"

****.

This really hurts
Literally.

Stressing the **** out of  yourself.
****.
Take me wherever, my destiny
Lead me
Guide me

For I am broken
Lost and broken

Goodbye..

Feel free to
See the world
Ahead of you

you are in
a commited relationship

you do not find
perfection
in others

it's pounding,
my heart

i don't know
if it's a good thing
or not

i just wanna be the same
i don't wanna play no game

i am in *shame

and in that
moment

i
knew,
it was **forever

am asking you to go

because i cannot do it myself

but when you uttered those words

i realized

I can never leave

Do you?
remember
**who you were

You said hello
We meant goodbye