You stand naked in the bathroom
the shower running hot
steam pouring over the curtain
fog taking over the mirror
while you stare at your imperfections
as it becomes impossible to see yourself
you take your finger
and you draw a simple sad face
You get in the shower
lather your body, rinse,
and end up crying
on the bathtub floor.

why isn't there a movie
with a mid 20's girl
living in her parent's basement
with mental health issues.
she could question her future,
date a guy who hardly understands
anything she's going through,
and eat a lot of cake.
she works in an office
but takes a lot of sick days.
she sees a counselor once a week.
breaks up with her boyfriend
who constantly questions her sanity.
at the end,
she decides to live for herself,
move out of her parent's house
to live in the city
and she write a book about mental health.

wake up next to them every morning
sleep beside them every night
share the newspaper over coffee
breakfast on a sunday morning
watch them brush their teeth twice a day
cook dinner together
specific night for date night
fight about finances and t.v.
game night with married friends
holidays spent with families

how do you spend the rest of your life with someone?

the past isn't somewhere
i want to go back to.
but it's those memories
that i base my present on.
those heartaches
that pain
the anxiety filled dreams.
that kiss by someone you loved.
it's your past and you cant go back.
it's called 'past' for a reason.
it's passed.

where did the butterflies go?
who let them out?
the longer they stay
the happier you are.
when they go
the excitement is gone
you want to move on
to find them again
in someone else.

ding ****, goes the doorbell
you lay there motionless
hoping it will go away
you wait
minutes pass by
you feel hovering
cold breath on your neck
then a voice that whispers
in your ear
"are you nervous?"

you jolt awake and look around
there is nothing there
you were just having
a nightmare
again