the tightness
the aching
the restlessness
the eyelid twitch
the fidgeting
the cheek biting
the leg bouncing
the staring off
the autopilot
the shallow breathing

all these things amount to one thing
holding in the words "i love you"
because you know it's not right

i don't know what i'm doing
where i'm going
who i am
what i've seen
what i'll see
who i'll meet
and who i'll become.
all i know is,
i'll eventually be the one i need.

you looked at her
walking down the aisle
tears built up
around your eyes
a smile so big
your teeth were showing
she looked into your eyes
tears in hers too
she walked slowly
with poise
with contentment
you were it
the start of a life
shes always wanted
its perfect
youre perfect

10 years i waited
to find the perfect, the one
we were together for a year
happy, comfortable
i didn't expect it
the loneliness you left behind
i wanted you
you wanted me
its over now
back to the beginning
of ******* someone else
but thinking about me
we cant be together
we cant be apart
we cant be
we cant
we
i
you
someone else

i look in the mirror
and my eyes don't sparkle.
i listen to my favorite song
and it doesn't give me goosebumps.
i cry to the moon
and i don't feel the release;
the sadness leaving my body.
i curl up in my bed
and i can't feel your warmth.
i stroke the paintbrush
and the colors are dull.
i fiddle with my rings
and the anxiety gets worse.
i put on my clothes
but i still feel naked.
i have a bubble bath
but the water won't stay hot.
i am blank.
i am empty.
you're gone.

breathe in, breathe out
it doesn't work like they say
its going to explode
out of my chest

i shake and i tremble
i stand up and get dizzy
nauseous and spots everywhere

i cant breathe
it hurts too much
i cant stop crying
my mind won't quit racing

breathe in, breathe out
this is how i die
right here, right now
there's so much pain

muscles ache and eyes hurt
focus on something
i'll be ok,
its just anxiety

how many days until
i'll feel like myself again?
help me. help me. please.